币圈揭秘君

"Survival Guide for Leaders in the Cryptocurrency Circle"

1. 💎Public Chain Track
——Bitcoin: "Big Brother of Blockchain", whose main business is to make all coins call it daddy
——Ethereum: "Master of Programmers", V God smiles, and gas fees skyrocket
——SOL: "Little Prince of Downtime", whose performance is so strong that he has to lie in the ICU every week

2. 🍳DeFi Track
——UNI: "Airdrop Philanthropist", issuing coins is more fun than throwing money
——CAKE: "Pancake Gambling King", APY is so high that it can choke a cow to death
——AAVE: "Lending Maniac", your house will sooner or later be its collateral

3. 🎨NFT Track
——MANA: "Metaverse Contractor", specializing in selling cyber land to innocent people
——SAND: "Sandbox Principal", teach you how to be a house slave in the pixel world

4. 📦Storage track
——FIL: "hard disk scalper", miners hoard hard disks more than coins
——AR: "data mummy", determined to store human civilization until the universe explodes

5. 🔮Oracle track
——LINK: "data witch", the first in the blockchain industry

6. 🐶Meme track
——DOGE: "funny king", Musk's tweets are better than code
——SHIB: "dog slaughterer", specializes in cutting leeks who believe that "dog second generation can surpass Bitcoin"

7. 🤖AI track
——TAO: "alchemy furnace coin", the more AI models are trained, the more mysterious the coin price

8. 💸Payment track
—— XRP: "bank licker", repeatedly doing sit-ups under the iron fist of supervision
——ACH: "transnational matchmaker", cash in left hand and coin in right hand, pumping water after matchmaking

9. 🚀Layer2 track
——MATIC: "Ethereum's life-saving pill", it can help Vitalik Buterin to deal with it
——ARB: "Emperor of Empty Projection", drawing cakes before issuing coins, and playing dead after issuing coins

10. 🌉Cross-chain track
——DOT: "Chairman of the Women's Federation of Blockchain", the auction of parallel chains is more competitive than the selection of concubines
——ATOM: "Chairman of the blockchain circle", it supports everyone except its own coins

——Summary: "In the currency circle, holding the leader may return to zero, and not holding the leader will definitely miss the opportunity - after all, even Bitcoin was once regarded as a scam!"
#你看好哪一个山寨币ETF将通过？

The Top Report of the "Shanzhai Coin Jianghu Storm Ranking" Section (with Human Translation)

1️⃣ Layer2 Track:

OP/ARB (Ethereum's Favorite): V God just praised "Cancun Upgrade is Great", and these two immediately skyrocketed, slogan: "Scaling? I’m faster than the boss making PPT"

STRK (Technical Guru): Controversy over airdrop just calmed down, immediately riding the ZK narrative, retail investors: "Have we dropped too much? No, I'm in the game"

2️⃣ Public Chain King:

SOL (The Indestructible Cockroach): Spiked 15% the night before the ETF hearing, netizens: "SEC please hit me one more time!"

SUI (Move Language War God): Developer activity surged by 300%, programmers: "Code is justice, let's pump first and explain later"

3️⃣ DeFi Old Veteran:

UNI (Decentralized Best Actor): Countdown to SEC lawsuit, big players: "Bad news all out? I’ll pump first in respect"

LINK (Top Oracle): RWA + CCIP crazily boosting presence, slogan: "Real world? I’ll handle the door"

4️⃣ Meme Mysticism Zone:

DOGE (Elon Musk's Pet Dog): Countdown for payments on X platform, dog investors: "Before the good news lands, the dog head will not hit the ground"

PEPE (Emotional Frog): Large wallet movements + Elon Musk posts frog images, retail investors: "Got it, going all-in is a tribute"

5️⃣ AI Concept Rampagers:

RNDR (Apple Event Rumored Partner): Rumored collaboration with Vision Pro, netizens: "Is Cook selling? I'm buying 10 first"

TAO (Distributed Computing Maniac): OpenAI competitor hype + technological breakthrough, programmers: "If I don’t buy computing power now, the price will go up!"

6️⃣ RWA New Nobility:

ONDO (BlackRock's Rumored Boyfriend): Sequel to the tokenized US debt story, institutions: "Traditional finance? I’ll personally transform it"

MKR (Stablecoin Old Guard): Endgame plan launched, veteran investors: "Dropped for three years, will I really break even this time?"

7️⃣ GameFi Renaissance:

GALA (Disney's Rumored Partner): Rumored collaboration on chain games, players: "Buy coins first and wait for the official announcement, it's traditional skills now"

AXS (Ancestor of Chain Games): Ronin chain revival + token burn, netizens: "Please don’t die, I haven’t broken even yet"

8️⃣ Depin Wild Warrior:

HONEY (Hardware Mining King): Router sales skyrocketed, miners: "Electricity prices went up? My router can mine coins!"
$OP #Strategy增持比特币

$BTC

"当年4000刀卖了800个BTC，现在每天看着5700万美元的数字，我连夜买了..."某程序员边啃煎饼果子边哭诉。隔壁桌大妈神补刀："你个瓜娃子！早两年我扫地时捡的矿卡，现在都能换套房了！"（经典场景再现：韭菜与矿工的世纪对话）

（突然弹出贝莱德公告：连续9天狂买16亿美元BTC

"快看！华尔街巨鲸在海底捞比特币！"某交易员激动到打翻咖啡。此时屏幕右下角弹出诈骗新闻：X平台惊现"0.1BTC换春宵"骗局，受害者名单惊现币圈大佬ID...（经典反转：评论区秒变《名侦探柯南 》现场）

#阿布扎比稳定币

The three giants of Abu Dhabi — the sovereign wealth fund ADQ with hundreds of billions, the banking heavyweight FAB, and the wealthy consortium IHC — suddenly exclaimed: "We have oil and gold, why should we let the US dollar stablecoin take the lead?" They quickly pulled out the Dirham stablecoin plan, claiming to create a "Middle Eastern version of Alipay," and even planned to incorporate AI and machine dialogue features, enabling camel caravans to make payments via QR codes. Next door, Tether became anxious: "I said last year that I wanted to issue a Dirham stablecoin!" But they were met with the central bank's regulatory approval from the sheikhs: "Look here, this is officially certified!"

As soon as this was officially announced, UAE residents began using the stablecoin to rent yachts, buy villas on Palm Island, and even a friend from Tanzania used it to purchase cooking oil from Indonesia, with an $8 million property transaction being settled instantly, with fees lower than the descent speed of the Burj Khalifa elevator. Even more astonishingly, the sheikhs had just given Binance $2 billion as a "protection fee" at the beginning of the year, only to turn around and build their own stablecoin ecosystem, perfectly illustrating the saying, "Your exchange is mine, but my stablecoin is still mine."

As the Dirham stablecoin was about to surge with its Gulf brothers, Citibank analysts overnight revised their reports: "The hegemony of the dollar is in danger!" But the sheikhs slapped back with oil revenues: "Our stablecoin reserves can buy half of Wall Street, a drop? Not possible!" The most unfortunate part is that 30% of UAE citizens already hold cryptocurrencies, and now even traffic fines can be paid with stablecoins — this wave is called "using magic to defeat magic, harvesting dollars with stablecoins."

"In the crypto circle, your stablecoin may not be your stablecoin, but the sheikh's oil will always be the sheikh's oil — after all, those who can print money aren't called dad; those who can produce oil are the real father!"

#亚利桑那比特币储备

In January 2025, the Arizona State Senate Finance Committee voted 5:2 to give Bitcoin a "green card"—allowing 10% of state public funds to be gambled on cryptocurrency, with pensions becoming part of the "betting pool." Republican lawmaker Wendy Rogers declared, "Bitcoin is the new gold reserve of the era!" Meanwhile, neighboring Democratic Governor Katie Hobbs scoffed, "You want me to sign? First, pass my veto rate KPI!" After all, this governor set a record last year with a 22% bill veto rate, earning her the title of "Thanos of the governor's world."

By April 28, the House staged the ultimate showdown. Legislators held SB1025 (allowing the purchase of Bitcoin) in one hand and SB1373 (establishing a digital asset reserve) in the other, resulting in votes of 31:25 and 37:19, directly making Bitcoin the "new darling of state finance." **With $2 billion pulled from a $20 billion pension fund to buy coins, it’s equivalent to converting the retirement funds of all state employees into 20,000 Bitcoin chips**, causing retail investors to exclaim, "So it turns out state employees are the hidden big shots in the crypto world!"

Now the bill sits on the Democratic governor's desk, and internet jokesters have begun betting: "If Hobbs signs it, she’s the 'Mother of Bitcoin'; if she rejects it, she’s a 'Wall Street puppet!'" Even more astonishing, 15 states including Texas and New Hampshire worked overnight to copy the proposal, piling them higher than Musk’s rockets. The market reaction was even more surreal—upon hearing the news, Bitcoin instantly surged 3.5% to break $65,000, with trading volume exploding by 15%. Retail investors shouted, "The state government is lifting me up," while the fear and greed index skyrocketed from "Zen" to "Frenzy."

"In the crypto world, while state government pensions might turn into Bitcoin chips, retail investors’ memes are always online—after all, **money may get stuck, but jokes never sleep!**"

#特朗普税改

This old brother Trump, recently shouting about "the largest tax reform 2.0 in history", wants to cut the corporate tax from 21% to 20%, while at the same time playing the magic trick of "issuing coins with the left hand, imposing tariffs with the right hand" in the crypto space — "Tax cuts are momentarily pleasant, tariffs are a crematorium", causing the retail investors to exclaim it's quite professional.

This tax reform 2.0 hasn't even landed yet, and the Trump family has already launched a Meme coin **$TRUMP**, which surged 15000% in 12 hours, with a market cap skyrocketing to 80 billion, truly a "supernova explosion of a vaporware coin". Retail investors hastily sold off BTC and ETH to bet on it, but the Trump team held 80% of the locked coins, watching the market bleed, and the saying "Meme coins harvest retail investors, Trump is the sickle" has become the new scripture.

What's even more absurd is that just after Trump loosened regulations for the crypto industry, he immediately imposed a 25% tariff on imported steel and aluminum, causing Bitcoin to plummet 7% and Ethereum to be halved by 25%. Before the crypto enthusiasts could even curse, he announced a pause on tariffs, and the coin prices instantly rebounded, "Bull market on tax cuts, bear market on tax increases, horizontal inscription: Trump decides".

Now, the United States has transformed into a "crypto-friendly nation", with Trump shouting about being a "strong country for Bitcoin mining", while stuffing ETH and XRP into the national strategic reserves, and even pardoning dark web veterans. Retail investors are both bottom-fishing and mumbling: **"Is this really Trump's tax reform, or Trump's tax (shuì) on retail investors?"

Summary
- "Tax reform is fake, issuing coins is real, when tariffs sound, gold is worth thousands."
- "Trump's tax reform, high taxes for retail investors, the script of the crypto space is more mind-bending than Hollywood.

The story is purely fictional, any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. It is recommended to check Trump's Twitter before bottom-fishing.

#空投发现指南
**《Airdrop Hero: A 2025 Adventure in the Crypto World》**

Once upon a time, I was squatting in a blockchain toilet scrolling through Twitter when I suddenly saw a mysterious private message: "Friend, hurry to Pump.fun, new meme coin 'Leek Dumplings' ($Dumpling) airdrop, become a big holder in three seconds!" My hand trembled, and the sound of the toilet flushing coincided with the wallet authorization notification—what a close call! These days, scammers even package 'authorization traps' as 'free pies', truly a saying: 'One day in the crypto world is like a year in the human world; if you don’t work hard for airdrops, the bull market will only bring sorrow.'

The novice A-Qiang didn’t believe in evil, following the guidance of the 'Airdrop Bible' on webpage 1, he angrily created the 'Dog Head Strategist Coin' $DOGEBRAIN on Pump.fun and even learned to add liquidity. As a result, the coin price was like a roller coaster, and A-Qiang wailed: "Meme coins rise and fall based on mysticism, I'm just paying tuition to Raydium!" Who knew that three weeks later, the platform actually distributed governance tokens, and A-Qiang, due to his 'early performance art', happily received an airdrop, suddenly enlightened: "Making money is like fishing; the bait must be enticing, the line must be long, and patience is more important than skills!"

Next door, Old Wang was obsessed with Abstract blockchain games, bridging ETH while raising electronic penguins, grinding XP points to 'Yuan Ying Stage'. One day the official suddenly announced: "XP 1:1 coin exchange!" Old Wang laughed wildly, "This wave is called 'Penguin Ascension, XP Certification'!" A bystander sarcastically remarked: "Had I known today, I should have bought two more pounds of Pudgy NFT back then!" Old Wang calmly retorted: "In blockchain gaming, persistence is key; lazy people only deserve to watch K lines!"

Expert Sister Li traversed the Eclipse testnet, seamlessly cross-chain, staking, and grinding points, and even casually left a note on Hyperlane saying, "Visited here." As a result, when the project team airdropped, Sister Li’s address received a big gift due to her 'cross-chain footprints', jokingly saying: "Cross-chain is like delivering a message; the more footprints you leave, the richer the reward!" In contrast, novice Xiao Zhang, believing in the 'Transfer 0.001 ETH to receive millions of air coins' memo trap, saw his assets turn to zero in an instant, crying in the toilet: "Greed is a knife above the word, and under the memo is all a trap!"

I have observed the world and offer you two pieces of wisdom:
1. "True interactors do not roll in trading volume but roll in blockchain fingerprints" **— Leave traces across multiple chains, and the officials will naturally follow the clues.
2. "Meme coins are like lotteries, Layer 2 is social security, staking is a pension" — Diversify investments to achieve a good end.

#XRPETF
Once upon a time, there was a coin called XRP, which had an "XRP army" with the slogan: "To the moon, but with legal briefs!"

The lawsuit between XRP and the SEC is longer than "Game of Thrones." In 2023, the judge said, "XRP is not a security," and the XRP army popped champagne to celebrate, but the SEC immediately pulled out the appeal: "Season two renewed!" Ripple's legal department calmly stated, "An appeal? This is just advertising for the industry!"

In 2024, Trump returned to the White House with the slogan "Make Crypto Great Again," appointing a new SEC chair - a former Dogecoin miner. Overnight, the probability of XRP ETF approval on Polymarket soared to over 70%, and netizens joked: "Trump's tweets are more effective than technical analysis!"

BlackRock secretly applied for an XRP ETF, and Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse responded with a mysterious smile: "I don't comment, but those who know, know." The XRP community erupted: "BlackRock is here, our rocket fuel has arrived!"

Standard Chartered Bank analyst Geoffrey Kendrick adjusted his glasses: "XRP ETF? See you in 2025!" The price of XRP performed a "roller coaster" - rising to $3.3 and then crashing down, lawyer Bill Hogan complained: "This price drop is less natural than my hairline!"
$BTC

$XRP
On April 8, the first leveraged XRP ETF in the U.S. was launched, with trading volume skyrocketing to $5 million. Retail investors collectively went wild: "Double leverage! Let's go all in! Tomorrow, I'll be Elon Musk's neighbor!" But upon reading the prospectus, the CEO calmly added: "This thing is only suitable for one-day trading; holding long-term? You'd be better off buying a lottery ticket faster."

Just as the price of XRP soared to $2.05, programmers suddenly discovered that the official code repository had been stuffed with a virus for stealing private keys! The hacker even thoughtfully wrote a note: "Dear, your XRP has been packaged, remember to give a five-star review~"

The SEC finally let Ripple off the hook, and PayPal announced it would use XRP for cross-border payments. Just as the price was about to party, Trump wielded a 125% tariff club, and XRP immediately performed a "dive without a splash," leaving retail investors wailing: "This coin is more fickle than my ex!" (Classic line: **"When Trump sneezes, the crypto market catches pneumonia"**)

Now XRP is stable at $2.17, with large on-chain transfers happening as frequently as a grandma snatching eggs. Analysts have started drawing dreams again: "Reaching $4 in 2026!" Meanwhile, the old investors casually munch on seeds: "Believe it or not, the next black swan comes, can it still dance from the grave?"

In short, XRP proves with strength — **"As long as the story is exciting, both crashes and surges are just K-lines being cute."**

#XRPETF

Once upon a time, there was a coin called XRP, which had an "XRP Army" with the slogan: "To the moon, but with legal briefs!"

The lawsuit between XRP and the SEC is longer than "Game of Thrones." In 2023, the judge said, "XRP is not a security," and the XRP Army popped champagne to celebrate, but the SEC immediately pulled out an appeal: "Season two renewed!" Ripple's legal department calmly stated, "An appeal? This is just free advertising for the industry!"

In 2024, Trump returned to the White House with the slogan "Make Crypto Great Again," appointing a new SEC chairman—a former Dogecoin miner. Overnight, the probability of XRP ETF approval on Polymarket soared to over 70%, and netizens joked: "Trump's tweets are more effective than technical analysis!"

BlackRock secretly applied for an XRP ETF, and Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse smiled mysteriously: "I won’t comment, but those who know, know." The XRP community was ecstatic: "BlackRock is here, our rocket fuel has arrived!"

Standard Chartered Bank researcher Geoffrey Kendrick adjusted his glasses: "XRP ETF? See you in 2025!" The price of XRP performed a "roller coaster"—rising to $3.3 and then falling back down, lawyer Bill Hogan complained: "This price drop is less natural than my receding hairline!"

#以太坊的未来
Dear crypto friends, today let's talk about Ethereum's “middle
Four years ago, Ethereum set a Flag to become the “deflationary god”, relying on the EIP-1559 burning mechanism to burn a staggering 7.3 billion USD worth of ETH. However, upon weighing in, it was found that the weight (supply) grows annually by an average of 0.805%! Goodness, this operation is akin to signing up for a gym membership but grilling skewers every day—burned calories (amount destroyed) will never catch up with the fried chicken (amount issued) intake. Vitalik looks at the K-line chart scratching his head: “Where are the promised six-pack abs? How did we end up with a beer belly?”

The Pectra shard upgrade was originally scheduled to launch in Q1 of this year, but due to ZK-Rollup's tantrums, it was directly postponed to April 25. After finally squeezing out a “technological feat” with TPS over 20,000 and transaction costs of 0.001 USD, we turned around to find Solana already snatched away 38% of the market share with 9,000 TPS and costs of 0.0001 USD, with daily active users being 5.6 times that of Ethereum. The retail traders angrily slapped their thighs: “Other public chains have already made it to Mars, while we are still fixing bicycle chains!”

Grayscale's ETHE product management fee is as high as 2.5%, leading retail traders to collectively perform “The Disappearing 1.1 Billion” — within seven weeks, funds flowed out frantically, with institutions like BlackRock overnight taking the low-rate train to escape. The SEC was there on the side adding salt to the wound: “ETH ETF is not allowed to stake!” Angry large holders withdrew their investments while cursing: “Ethereum that doesn’t allow staking is like a hotpot without chili—it's lost its soul!”

Future Survival Guide
1. **Middle Age Crisis Self-Help Guide**: Layer 2 slashes gas fees, resulting in a 72% drop in mainnet burn volume—suggest renaming EIP-1559 to “Retail Trader Tear Collector”
2. **Competitors' Low-Dimensional Attack**: Solana snatches users, Polygon intercepts BlackRock's trillion-dollar RWA cake, Ethereum holds the DeFi crown but has turned into “the front waves die on the beach”
3. **Regulatory Love Trade**: The SEC treats 75% of ERC-20 tokens as securities, and the ETH/BTC exchange rate has dropped to a historical low of 0.02—this wave is called “Love is not something you can buy, and you can sell just because you want to”

I heard that a certain whale bought antihypertensive drugs with staked ETH, suggesting renaming PoS to “Buddhist Holding Coin Health Preservation Method”

$TRUMP
When Trump threw out the tweet "TRUMP Coin Launch" on Truth Social, the cryptocurrency world staged a magical realism drama—First Lady Melania's MELANIA Coin just surged to $5, only to be hacked and renamed "Melania Trump Bitcoin," causing its market value to evaporate by 40% immediately.

Sister Li at the next desk chewed on spicy strips and laughed wildly: "Just look at the distribution of loot within the Trump family! 80% of the tokens stuffed into their own safe, what is this? Not blockchain? It’s the Trump family heirloom safe!" Suddenly, trader Xiao Zhang burst through the door: "Run! Sun Yuchen's $75 million market rescue WLFI turned him into a 'crypto philanthropist'!" The entire mining room collectively wailed—these days, even TRON has to act as an ATM for the White House?

At this moment, the LCD screen on the wall suddenly popped up a news alert: "SEC Chairman suddenly goes blind, Trump's crypto bill rushes through!" Old Wang spat coffee onto his keyboard: "Good heavens! Trump's presidential halo couldn't save the coin price, but it dazzled the regulatory agency instead?"

At this point, the futures market suddenly exploded. A big shot in the group shouted angrily: "Short the Dow futures, use TRUMP Coin as bullets!" Old Wang silently adjusted the mining machine's power to 100%, thinking: What is this, issuing coins? Clearly a mutated game of political donations!

#TRUMP晚宴
When the lawn of the Washington National Golf Club is still reflecting, the cryptocurrency world is staging an absurd drama—Big holder of TRUMP coins, Old Wang, is munching on a hamburger while scrolling through the news: "The top 220 coin holders are having dinner with the president!" His hand shakes, and coffee spills on the keyboard, creating a perfect $ symbol.

Sister Li at the adjacent workstation is chewing on spicy strips and laughing wildly: "Look at the threshold for the top 25! 4000 TRUMP coins are enough to buy all the squirrel food in Yellowstone Park!" Suddenly, trader Xiao Zhang bursts through the door: "Run! The Trump team just dumped $112 million, the coin price is going to crash!" The entire mining room collectively screams—these days, even hash rates are being hijacked by political donations?

At this moment, the LCD screen on the wall suddenly pops up with news: "Japanese pension funds bought TRUMP coins overnight, and a Chinese square dance team has formed the 'Silver Haired Coin Holder Suicide Squad'!" Old Wang sprays coffee all over the keyboard: "Goodness! The invitation to Trump's dinner hasn't arrived, but the square dance speakers have turned into mining machines?"

At this point, the futures market suddenly erupts. A big shot in the group yells: "Short the Dow futures, use ETH as bullets!" Old Wang silently adjusts the mining machine's power to 100%, thinking: Is this a dinner? It's clearly the ultimate showdown between the entire network's computing power and political power!

#比特币市值排名

In early April, Bitcoin was still playing 'Eagle Catching Chicks' on the global asset list alongside Zuckerberg's Meta and Buffett's Berkshire, with a market capitalization of $1.3 trillion barely squeezing into ninth place, mocked by netizens as 'even Grandma Silver can't outrun it.' As a result, half a month later, Bitcoin suddenly entered 'frenzy mode,' with its market cap soaring to $1.87 trillion, kicking Google and Amazon aside, directly charging into the global top five! Spectators exclaimed, 'What kind of digital gold is this? It's clearly gold Gundam fitted with a rocket booster!'

Did you think that was the end? The market cap K-line of Bitcoin has fluctuated more than a stand-up comedy from the De Yun Society—just on April 7, it plummeted to $74,000, with 450,000 retail investors collectively performing 'The Liquidation Alliance,' and the entire internet lamented 'Bitcoin is miserable.' In the blink of an eye, on April 23, the price jumped to $68,555, with its market cap directly surpassing the sum of two Teslas, leaving Musk silent: 'I bought Bitcoin back then to speculate, now the crypto world is using Bitcoin to speculate on me?'

Over here, Cathie Wood is shouting 'Bitcoin can rise to $3.5 million,' scaring Microsoft into overnight patching for the Windows system: 'Anti-Bitcoin Market Cap Replacement Patch v1.0'; over there, CryptoQuant analysts are waving around data showing 'achieved a market cap of $872 billion,' blowing the whistle: 'The bull market hasn't peaked yet, retail investors please fasten your seatbelts!' The most incredible part is Trump, who, while increasing tariffs to crash the U.S. stock market, stuffed Bitcoin into the 'strategic reserve,' perfectly illustrating what it means to 'go crazy and cut even my own people.'

(I heard that BlackRock's Bitcoin ETF has surpassed the largest silver ETF, suggesting it be renamed 'Metamorphosis of Digital Metals')

$ETH

"Attention students!" The magic professor V was rubbing his bald spot, "When casting smart contract magic at Ethereum Academy, your spell must be precise to every byte—last time a Muggle wrote ERC20 as EX Curry Stick, directly summoning the most expensive bowl of Japanese food in the entire network!"

The cafeteria lady suddenly interjected: "Gas fees have gone up again! Now eating a slice of pizza requires splitting it into eight bites!" The apprentices in the room wailed in despair, with someone performing on the spot, pledging their NFT avatar to the neighboring Binance Zoo's Shiba Inu.

Suddenly, alarms went off; it turned out a freshman was drawing Old Ding on the blockchain using Solidity code, and every transaction was accompanied by a soul joke. V announced while rubbing his forehead: "Congratulations, you have created the first-ever gas fee burner that tells jokes in history."

(In Ethereum, code is law, and gas fees are fart taxes—every spark of inspiration requires you to first pay the methane fee to the miners!)

#加密市场反弹
---
Bitcoin is dozing on an $80,000 sofa when suddenly awakened by a tweet from Trump: "The U.S. strategic reserve is changing from crude oil to BTC!" Instantly, the whales on Coinbase collectively put on a show of "deliciousness," sweeping up 2,100 Bitcoins in just 72 hours, with even Musk exclaiming, "Faster than I sold the Cybertruck!"

However, **the first rule of the crypto world: good news fully released is bad news, and bad news coming is a scythe**. Just as the retail investors shouted, "The bull is back quickly," a little editor accidentally wrote "BlackRock ETF application approved" instead of "under review," causing Bitcoin to leap to $30,000, and retail investors rushed to leverage up, even the old man trading A-shares next door came to ask, "How do I buy coins?" — only to have the SEC tweet 30 minutes later: "Dear, fake news kills people!"

In an instant, the entire network saw liquidations of $743 million, short sellers cried like babies, and long holders laughed until they had abs. **The second rule of the crypto world: the big players eat meat while you sip soup, and when the big players dump, you get the wind**. A giant whale picked up WBTC for $600,000, but after rumors were dispelled, they tearfully cut their losses at $560,000, making it the "most expensive slip of the year."

At this point, MicroStrategy's CEO Saylor quietly pulled out his notebook: "Dropped? Just right to increase positions!" The company suffered a loss that brought its software business revenue to a ten-year low, yet still insisted on the "Bitcoin perpetual motion machine" strategy, leading the retail investors to exclaim: "This belief is tougher than Musk's Mars plan!"

Ultimately, as the market bounced back and forth between Trump's "tariff stick" and Harris's "crypto cold shoulder," **the seasoned investors summarized while smoking: "Bull markets have more crashes, bear markets have more zombies. Is your leverage over 3x? Do you think you're a clone of Sun Ge (referring to Justin Sun)?"**

"In bear markets, accumulate chips; in bull markets, count the eggs; survive the storm, and you will see a new blue ocean."

#Metaplanet增持比特币
Once upon a time, there was an island nation inhabited by a group of sharply dressed 'Bitcoin miners'—not digging with pickaxes, but frantically buying coins with calculators. They called themselves **Metaplanet**, with the slogan: "While others buy coins, we buy companies!"

In 2024, when retail investors were still debating 'should I buy Bitcoin or instant noodles?', Metaplanet's CEO Simon Gaylorovich slapped his thigh and exclaimed: "Negative interest rates on Japanese government bonds? Yen depreciation? Let's use them all as fuel for Bitcoin!" Thus began the 'cash power mode': issuing zero-interest bonds, splitting stocks, engaging in equity financing, even changing employee year-end bonuses to BTC—after all, "issuing coins is more valuable than issuing salaries."

By 2025, they had accumulated 4,525 Bitcoins at an average cost of $85,000. An analyst asked: "What if the coin price drops?" The CEO smirked: "Drops? Perfect for adding to the position! Our KPI is the number of Bitcoins, not the yen balance!" At the shareholder meeting, the PPT had only one line: "BTC quantity ↑, stock price ↑↑↑". Sure enough, the stock price surged 1000% in a year, and employees ordered sushi using the stock code: "Boss, I’d like the 'Set 1526' (company stock code)!"

The most outrageous move was **'splitting stocks to buy coins'**—splitting 1 share into 10 shares, dropping the stock price from 'luxury level' to 'convenience store level', causing retail investors to flock in: "Can’t afford 1 Bitcoin? Buy Metaplanet stock! Rounding up equals holding coins!" Netizens joked: "This company is essentially a Bitcoin-themed ETF, with an additional public company attached."

Now they boldly declare that by 2026, they will accumulate 21,000 coins, paying homage to Bitcoin's total supply of 21 million. Netizens exclaimed: "Are you trying to register 'Satoshi Nakamoto' as a company trademark?"

"When others are fearful, we buy coins;
When others are greedy, we issue bonds to buy coins;
When others go bankrupt... oh sorry, we only count the number of Bitcoins." 🚀

(Data as of 2025-04-22, Bitcoin price $87,410, Metaplanet holds 4,855 coins)

#Strategy增持比特币

"In a bear market, hoard coins; in a bull market, count money. If it neither rises nor falls, practice tortoise breathing—" Old veteran A Qiang, holding an electronic cigarette, suddenly had an epiphany in front of the K-line chart.

That year, he followed Elon Musk to trade Dogecoin, but the dog ran away; chased V God to play DeFi, but the protocol was hacked; put everything into NFT avatars, but the pixels collapsed. It wasn't until he encountered Bitcoin that he understood what it meant to say, "There are countless scumbags, but Nakamoto is the most reliable."

Now A Qiang's coin hoarding strategy can be considered performance art:
1. Buy 0.001 BTC as soon as the salary arrives, calling it "digital regular investment in milk tea"
2. Sing the "Leek Song" during every crash, crying while bottom-fishing
3. Tattoo the private key on his back: "This is the ticket to Noah's Ark"

Recently, he developed the "Meme Watching Method": add positions when the crying face emoji exceeds 50% on Twitter, and slack off when the screen is filled with rocket emojis. He also summarized a classic quote: "In a bull market, making money relies on courage; in a bear market, hoarding coins relies on brains. Horizontal inscription: Hold steady and don't get off the train!"

("Hoarding Bitcoin is like planting a money tree; you have to bury the seeds first and resist the urge to dig them up every day to check.")

$BTC
Late at night, amidst the roar of air conditioners in the Inner Mongolia mining site, Old Zhang stared at the BTC price crazily bouncing at $87,000, when suddenly he received a call from miner Xiao Wang: "Zhang Boss! Our mining rig's hash rate just broke 100EH/s, and the whole network's hash rate skyrocketed to 120EH/s—what is this, mining? It's being a human battery for Americans!"

Sister Li at the next workstation chimed in while chewing on spicy strips: "What do you know? The Americans just announced they are using AI mining rigs to mine Bitcoin, and our Ant S21 mining rig just performed a miraculous launch right on the spot!" Suddenly, trader Xiao Liu rushed in shouting: "Quick, look! The SEC said they are going to investigate the 'carbon emission hash rate' of Chinese mines!" The entire mining site collectively buzzed in protest—these days, even the hash rate has to wear an environmental hat?

At this moment, the LCD screen on the wall suddenly popped up a news alert: "Japanese pension funds announce they are buying BTC, and Chinese square dance aunties formed the 'Silver-haired Miners Alliance' overnight!" Old Zhang sprayed coffee onto his keyboard: "Good grief! Trump's tariff stick didn't take down China, but it turned the square dance team into miners?"

At this time, the contract zone suddenly erupted. A certain big shot roared in the group: "Americans raised tariffs? I’m going to short the Dow futures directly, using ETH as ammo!" Old Zhang silently adjusted the mining rig's power to 100%, thinking: what is this, a trade war? It's clearly a showdown of the entire network's hash rate!

The next day, Old Zhang discovered a new 'Crypto Retirement Home' opened next to the mining site, with the slogan: "Exchange Bitcoin for square dance speakers, carbon emissions? Not a thing!" This world is changing too fast; even miners have to learn international trade now...

#中美贸易关系

Late at night, in a mining site deep in the mountains of Sichuan, Old Wang stared at the flickering green light of the mining machine, suddenly realizing that the price of Bitcoin was on a roller coaster — just yesterday it was smashed to $75,000 by Trump’s tariff stick, and today it soared back to $80,000 due to China's countermeasures. His hand holding the coffee cup trembled slightly: "What kind of trade war is this? It's clearly a roller coaster in the crypto world!"

Sister Li at the next workstation chimed in while chewing spicy strips: "What do you know? The graphics cards we use for mining just had a 20% tariff added by the US, and the mining boss worked overnight to put 'Made in China' straw hats on the graphics cards!" Suddenly, trader Xiao Zhang burst in shouting: "Quick, look! US congressmen say they want to investigate the 'fentanyl computing power' of Chinese mines!" The entire mining site collectively buzzed in protest — in this day and age, even the hash rate has to be labeled with a drug label?

At this moment, the LCD screen on the wall suddenly popped up a news alert: "China imposes tariffs on US liquefied natural gas, Texas farmers switch to mining Bitcoin!" Old Wang sprayed his coffee onto the keyboard: "What the heck! Trump’s tariff stick didn’t crush China, but instead forced American farmers to become miners?"

At this time, the contract area suddenly erupted. A certain big shot roared in the group: "Americans increase tariffs? I’ll short the Dow futures directly and use ETH as bullets!" Old Wang silently adjusted the mining machine's power to 100%, thinking: What kind of trade war is this? It’s clearly a showdown of global computing power!

Final summary: "Tariff sticks cannot crush the 'fairy cave' of the new era, they will only make the miners' straw hats greener."