币圈揭秘君

"Survival Guide for Leaders in the Cryptocurrency Circle"

1. 💎Public Chain Track
——Bitcoin: "Big Brother of Blockchain", whose main business is to make all coins call it daddy
——Ethereum: "Master of Programmers", V God smiles, and gas fees skyrocket
——SOL: "Little Prince of Downtime", whose performance is so strong that he has to lie in the ICU every week

2. 🍳DeFi Track
——UNI: "Airdrop Philanthropist", issuing coins is more fun than throwing money
——CAKE: "Pancake Gambling King", APY is so high that it can choke a cow to death
——AAVE: "Lending Maniac", your house will sooner or later be its collateral

3. 🎨NFT Track
——MANA: "Metaverse Contractor", specializing in selling cyber land to innocent people
——SAND: "Sandbox Principal", teach you how to be a house slave in the pixel world

4. 📦Storage track
——FIL: "hard disk scalper", miners hoard hard disks more than coins
——AR: "data mummy", determined to store human civilization until the universe explodes

5. 🔮Oracle track
——LINK: "data witch", the first in the blockchain industry

6. 🐶Meme track
——DOGE: "funny king", Musk's tweets are better than code
——SHIB: "dog slaughterer", specializes in cutting leeks who believe that "dog second generation can surpass Bitcoin"

7. 🤖AI track
——TAO: "alchemy furnace coin", the more AI models are trained, the more mysterious the coin price

8. 💸Payment track
—— XRP: "bank licker", repeatedly doing sit-ups under the iron fist of supervision
——ACH: "transnational matchmaker", cash in left hand and coin in right hand, pumping water after matchmaking

9. 🚀Layer2 track
——MATIC: "Ethereum's life-saving pill", it can help Vitalik Buterin to deal with it
——ARB: "Emperor of Empty Projection", drawing cakes before issuing coins, and playing dead after issuing coins

10. 🌉Cross-chain track
——DOT: "Chairman of the Women's Federation of Blockchain", the auction of parallel chains is more competitive than the selection of concubines
——ATOM: "Chairman of the blockchain circle", it supports everyone except its own coins

——Summary: "In the currency circle, holding the leader may return to zero, and not holding the leader will definitely miss the opportunity - after all, even Bitcoin was once regarded as a scam!"
#你看好哪一个山寨币ETF将通过？

The Top Report of the "Shanzhai Coin Jianghu Storm Ranking" Section (with Human Translation)

1️⃣ Layer2 Track:

OP/ARB (Ethereum's Favorite): V God just praised "Cancun Upgrade is Great", and these two immediately skyrocketed, slogan: "Scaling? I’m faster than the boss making PPT"

STRK (Technical Guru): Controversy over airdrop just calmed down, immediately riding the ZK narrative, retail investors: "Have we dropped too much? No, I'm in the game"

2️⃣ Public Chain King:

SOL (The Indestructible Cockroach): Spiked 15% the night before the ETF hearing, netizens: "SEC please hit me one more time!"

SUI (Move Language War God): Developer activity surged by 300%, programmers: "Code is justice, let's pump first and explain later"

3️⃣ DeFi Old Veteran:

UNI (Decentralized Best Actor): Countdown to SEC lawsuit, big players: "Bad news all out? I’ll pump first in respect"

LINK (Top Oracle): RWA + CCIP crazily boosting presence, slogan: "Real world? I’ll handle the door"

4️⃣ Meme Mysticism Zone:

DOGE (Elon Musk's Pet Dog): Countdown for payments on X platform, dog investors: "Before the good news lands, the dog head will not hit the ground"

PEPE (Emotional Frog): Large wallet movements + Elon Musk posts frog images, retail investors: "Got it, going all-in is a tribute"

5️⃣ AI Concept Rampagers:

RNDR (Apple Event Rumored Partner): Rumored collaboration with Vision Pro, netizens: "Is Cook selling? I'm buying 10 first"

TAO (Distributed Computing Maniac): OpenAI competitor hype + technological breakthrough, programmers: "If I don’t buy computing power now, the price will go up!"

6️⃣ RWA New Nobility:

ONDO (BlackRock's Rumored Boyfriend): Sequel to the tokenized US debt story, institutions: "Traditional finance? I’ll personally transform it"

MKR (Stablecoin Old Guard): Endgame plan launched, veteran investors: "Dropped for three years, will I really break even this time?"

7️⃣ GameFi Renaissance:

GALA (Disney's Rumored Partner): Rumored collaboration on chain games, players: "Buy coins first and wait for the official announcement, it's traditional skills now"

AXS (Ancestor of Chain Games): Ronin chain revival + token burn, netizens: "Please don’t die, I haven’t broken even yet"

8️⃣ Depin Wild Warrior:

HONEY (Hardware Mining King): Router sales skyrocketed, miners: "Electricity prices went up? My router can mine coins!"
$OP #Strategy增持比特币

#空投防骗手册
今儿咱们讲个比《孤注一掷》还刺激的防骗武侠剧——空投江湖的"三十六计"，骗子套路堪比《易经》八卦！（弹幕飘过："这剧情，连反诈APP都直呼内行！"）

---

第一幕：假客服の"美人心计"
"您的账户异常！需KYC验证才能领空投！"
骗子化身币安小姐姐，用AI换脸发来一段《西游记》天蓬元帅同款证件照："亲，不交身份证就冻结钱包哦~"（经典操作：把用户照片P成《鱿鱼游戏》面具，附带二维码："扫码解锁防骗皮肤"）

防骗口诀：
"KYC要求带私钥？快跑！这比《西游记》女儿国子母河还毒！"

---

第二幕：授权合约的"葵花宝典"
"点击授权，1000$BROTHER空投秒到账！"
韭菜们争相签下"卖身契"，殊不知合约里藏着《九阴真经》：
🔥 暗黑条款1：授权后钱包自动成为"ATM提款机"（每日自动转币给西伯利亚矿场）
🔥 暗黑条款2：私钥被打包成《流浪地球》行星发动机燃料

防骗口诀：
"合约地址像乱码？快祭出《达芬奇密码》解码器！"

---

第三幕：空投陷阱的"量子纠缠"
骗子玩起《盗梦空间》式连环套：
1. 第一层梦境：发10个$BROTHER试水，让你尝到甜头
2. 第二层梦境：要求质押100U解锁"高级空投"（实为锁仓诈骗）
3. 第三层梦境：诱导购买"防钓鱼保险"（二次收割+精神PUA）

防骗口诀：
"空投承诺双收益？这剧本连《华尔街之狼》都不敢拍！"

---

终极奥义：防骗三绝招
1️⃣ 专用钱包原则：撸毛钱包只装Gas费，被盗立刻《速度与激情》式拉黑
2️⃣ 三不政策：不点链接/不输私钥/不交智商税（谨记《无间道》卧底法则）
3️⃣ 反侦察技巧：用Burner钱包演《碟中谍》，真钱包躲在《复仇者联盟》盾牌后

#SEC推迟多个现货ETF审批

"Comrades! We need to write the approval process for the Bitcoin ETF as 'On How to Elegantly Delay'... (Classic quote Easter egg: a certain SEC official complained: 'Approving an ETF is harder than deciphering Bitcoin's hash value!')

March 12, 2025" "Look! Grayscale's Cardano ETF is stuck on the first level of 'Squid Game'!" Trader Old Wang screamed while making instant noodles. It turns out the SEC issued 'revival cards' to the altcoin ETFs:
🔥 Dogecoin ETF: questioned 'price volatility comparable to a roller coaster, large holders manipulate like playing Animal Crossing'
🔥 XRP ETF: caught in the 'securities nature dilemma, Ripple's legal team has prepared the 'Nine Yin Manual''
🔥 Hedera ETF: due to 'decentralization level not even as good as a village committee, liquidity scarcer than Satoshi's Twitter' faced cold storage

"Family! Now SEC approval feels like playing Minesweeper—" Analyst Miss pushed her glasses up, "Bitcoin ETF is the safe zone, Ethereum is a bit risky yellow square, altcoins are all minefields!" At this moment, the bottom right corner of the screen popped up Grayscale CEO's tweet: "I suggest the SEC write the ETF approval process as 'How to Learn Delaying Tactics in 240 Days' live)

SEC taught us three things this week:
1️⃣ The essence of regulation: always choose 'let's study a bit more' between 'protecting the retail investors' and 'embracing innovation'
2️⃣ The fate of altcoins: ETF approval = 'Squid Game' + '12 Monkeys' trilogy collaboration
3️⃣ Market elasticity: XRP dropped from $2.65 to $2.20, and retail investors started to study '2 Broke Girls' dialogue relay instead

"We are not delaying approval, we are conducting a 'premarital check' for the market!" — SEC anonymous official (monitor shows him writing love letters to Bitcoin mining machines)
Friendly reminder**: Investment requires caution, after all, the SEC's approval pace is even harder to predict than the planetary engines in 'The Wandering Earth'~

#特朗普就职百日
President Trump's "Hundred Days of Crypto Drama" is even more surreal than "Game of Thrones," with plot twists that even the Wolf of Wall Street would call professional!

**Act One: The President Issues Coins, Retail Investors Sing 'Conquer' Overnight**
Just two days before taking office, the Wise King suddenly revealed "King of Air Coins" $TRUMP, opening at $0.18, skyrocketing to $75 in 12 hours, with a market cap instantly surpassing $10 billion, turning the crypto world into a scene from "Squid Game." The team held 80% of the tokens, and the unlocking plan was comparable to a "Retail Investor Installment Payment Package," even Elon Musk exclaimed, "This operation is wilder than when I launched Dogecoin!" Melania was not to be outdone, quickly launching $MELANIA coin, which plummeted from $18 to $4, perfectly illustrating "Unity in Marriage, Retail Investors Divide Gold."

**Act Two: Regulatory Flip-Flop, SEC Turns into a Kind Uncle**
On the hundred-day report card, Trump's actions were fierce: suing Coinbase and Ripple, pardoning dark web bosses, and establishing a "Bitcoin Strategic Reserve"—the market soon realized this reserve was just the old bitcoins already in the government treasury, pure "Old Wine in New Bottles" performance art. SEC's new chair Paul Atkins proclaimed, "Embrace Innovation," while regulations remained stagnant, with retail investors complaining: "The regulator's mouth is a deceiving ghost; good news relies entirely on PPT meetings!"

**Act Three: Trade War + No Rate Cuts, Bitcoin Goes Bungee Jumping**
Where's the "Cryptocurrency Bull Market Engine" with the Federal Reserve's rate cuts? Powell stood firm against Trump, keeping interest rates steady as a mountain, and Bitcoin plummeted from a high of $109,000. With tariffs from the trade war increasing, the coin price directly performed a "Faith Shattered Split," and those who bought at $74,000 cried while chanting, "So MAGA (Make America Great Again) is actually the abbreviation for 'America Slices Retail Investors'!"

"In the crypto world, the President's promises may be air coins, but the tears of retail investors are definitely hard currency—after all, regulation may be late, but liquidation is never absent!"

$BTC

"Back then, I sold 800 BTC for 4000 dollars, and now I watch the number of 57 million dollars every day. I bought it overnight..." A programmer cried while eating a pancake. The aunt at the next table added, "You silly kid! Two years ago, the mining card I picked up while sweeping the floor can now buy a house!" (Classic scene reappears: the century dialogue between retail investors and miners)

(Suddenly, a BlackRock announcement pops up: buying 1.6 billion dollars of BTC for 9 consecutive days

"Quick, look! Wall Street whales are fishing for Bitcoin at the bottom of the sea!" A trader got so excited that he knocked over his coffee. At this moment, a scam news pops up in the bottom right corner: the X platform reveals the "0.1 BTC for a night of passion" scam, and the list of victims shocks the big names in the crypto circle... (Classic twist: the comment section instantly turns into a scene from 'Detective Conan')

#阿布扎比稳定币

The three giants of Abu Dhabi — the sovereign wealth fund ADQ with hundreds of billions, the banking heavyweight FAB, and the wealthy consortium IHC — suddenly exclaimed: "We have oil and gold, why should we let the US dollar stablecoin take the lead?" They quickly pulled out the Dirham stablecoin plan, claiming to create a "Middle Eastern version of Alipay," and even planned to incorporate AI and machine dialogue features, enabling camel caravans to make payments via QR codes. Next door, Tether became anxious: "I said last year that I wanted to issue a Dirham stablecoin!" But they were met with the central bank's regulatory approval from the sheikhs: "Look here, this is officially certified!"

As soon as this was officially announced, UAE residents began using the stablecoin to rent yachts, buy villas on Palm Island, and even a friend from Tanzania used it to purchase cooking oil from Indonesia, with an $8 million property transaction being settled instantly, with fees lower than the descent speed of the Burj Khalifa elevator. Even more astonishingly, the sheikhs had just given Binance $2 billion as a "protection fee" at the beginning of the year, only to turn around and build their own stablecoin ecosystem, perfectly illustrating the saying, "Your exchange is mine, but my stablecoin is still mine."

As the Dirham stablecoin was about to surge with its Gulf brothers, Citibank analysts overnight revised their reports: "The hegemony of the dollar is in danger!" But the sheikhs slapped back with oil revenues: "Our stablecoin reserves can buy half of Wall Street, a drop? Not possible!" The most unfortunate part is that 30% of UAE citizens already hold cryptocurrencies, and now even traffic fines can be paid with stablecoins — this wave is called "using magic to defeat magic, harvesting dollars with stablecoins."

"In the crypto circle, your stablecoin may not be your stablecoin, but the sheikh's oil will always be the sheikh's oil — after all, those who can print money aren't called dad; those who can produce oil are the real father!"

#亚利桑那比特币储备

In January 2025, the Arizona State Senate Finance Committee voted 5:2 to give Bitcoin a "green card"—allowing 10% of state public funds to be gambled on cryptocurrency, with pensions becoming part of the "betting pool." Republican lawmaker Wendy Rogers declared, "Bitcoin is the new gold reserve of the era!" Meanwhile, neighboring Democratic Governor Katie Hobbs scoffed, "You want me to sign? First, pass my veto rate KPI!" After all, this governor set a record last year with a 22% bill veto rate, earning her the title of "Thanos of the governor's world."

By April 28, the House staged the ultimate showdown. Legislators held SB1025 (allowing the purchase of Bitcoin) in one hand and SB1373 (establishing a digital asset reserve) in the other, resulting in votes of 31:25 and 37:19, directly making Bitcoin the "new darling of state finance." **With $2 billion pulled from a $20 billion pension fund to buy coins, it’s equivalent to converting the retirement funds of all state employees into 20,000 Bitcoin chips**, causing retail investors to exclaim, "So it turns out state employees are the hidden big shots in the crypto world!"

Now the bill sits on the Democratic governor's desk, and internet jokesters have begun betting: "If Hobbs signs it, she’s the 'Mother of Bitcoin'; if she rejects it, she’s a 'Wall Street puppet!'" Even more astonishing, 15 states including Texas and New Hampshire worked overnight to copy the proposal, piling them higher than Musk’s rockets. The market reaction was even more surreal—upon hearing the news, Bitcoin instantly surged 3.5% to break $65,000, with trading volume exploding by 15%. Retail investors shouted, "The state government is lifting me up," while the fear and greed index skyrocketed from "Zen" to "Frenzy."

"In the crypto world, while state government pensions might turn into Bitcoin chips, retail investors’ memes are always online—after all, **money may get stuck, but jokes never sleep!**"

#特朗普税改

This old brother Trump, recently shouting about "the largest tax reform 2.0 in history", wants to cut the corporate tax from 21% to 20%, while at the same time playing the magic trick of "issuing coins with the left hand, imposing tariffs with the right hand" in the crypto space — "Tax cuts are momentarily pleasant, tariffs are a crematorium", causing the retail investors to exclaim it's quite professional.

This tax reform 2.0 hasn't even landed yet, and the Trump family has already launched a Meme coin **$TRUMP**, which surged 15000% in 12 hours, with a market cap skyrocketing to 80 billion, truly a "supernova explosion of a vaporware coin". Retail investors hastily sold off BTC and ETH to bet on it, but the Trump team held 80% of the locked coins, watching the market bleed, and the saying "Meme coins harvest retail investors, Trump is the sickle" has become the new scripture.

What's even more absurd is that just after Trump loosened regulations for the crypto industry, he immediately imposed a 25% tariff on imported steel and aluminum, causing Bitcoin to plummet 7% and Ethereum to be halved by 25%. Before the crypto enthusiasts could even curse, he announced a pause on tariffs, and the coin prices instantly rebounded, "Bull market on tax cuts, bear market on tax increases, horizontal inscription: Trump decides".

Now, the United States has transformed into a "crypto-friendly nation", with Trump shouting about being a "strong country for Bitcoin mining", while stuffing ETH and XRP into the national strategic reserves, and even pardoning dark web veterans. Retail investors are both bottom-fishing and mumbling: **"Is this really Trump's tax reform, or Trump's tax (shuì) on retail investors?"

Summary
- "Tax reform is fake, issuing coins is real, when tariffs sound, gold is worth thousands."
- "Trump's tax reform, high taxes for retail investors, the script of the crypto space is more mind-bending than Hollywood.

The story is purely fictional, any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. It is recommended to check Trump's Twitter before bottom-fishing.

#空投发现指南
**《Airdrop Hero: A 2025 Adventure in the Crypto World》**

Once upon a time, I was squatting in a blockchain toilet scrolling through Twitter when I suddenly saw a mysterious private message: "Friend, hurry to Pump.fun, new meme coin 'Leek Dumplings' ($Dumpling) airdrop, become a big holder in three seconds!" My hand trembled, and the sound of the toilet flushing coincided with the wallet authorization notification—what a close call! These days, scammers even package 'authorization traps' as 'free pies', truly a saying: 'One day in the crypto world is like a year in the human world; if you don’t work hard for airdrops, the bull market will only bring sorrow.'

The novice A-Qiang didn’t believe in evil, following the guidance of the 'Airdrop Bible' on webpage 1, he angrily created the 'Dog Head Strategist Coin' $DOGEBRAIN on Pump.fun and even learned to add liquidity. As a result, the coin price was like a roller coaster, and A-Qiang wailed: "Meme coins rise and fall based on mysticism, I'm just paying tuition to Raydium!" Who knew that three weeks later, the platform actually distributed governance tokens, and A-Qiang, due to his 'early performance art', happily received an airdrop, suddenly enlightened: "Making money is like fishing; the bait must be enticing, the line must be long, and patience is more important than skills!"

Next door, Old Wang was obsessed with Abstract blockchain games, bridging ETH while raising electronic penguins, grinding XP points to 'Yuan Ying Stage'. One day the official suddenly announced: "XP 1:1 coin exchange!" Old Wang laughed wildly, "This wave is called 'Penguin Ascension, XP Certification'!" A bystander sarcastically remarked: "Had I known today, I should have bought two more pounds of Pudgy NFT back then!" Old Wang calmly retorted: "In blockchain gaming, persistence is key; lazy people only deserve to watch K lines!"

Expert Sister Li traversed the Eclipse testnet, seamlessly cross-chain, staking, and grinding points, and even casually left a note on Hyperlane saying, "Visited here." As a result, when the project team airdropped, Sister Li’s address received a big gift due to her 'cross-chain footprints', jokingly saying: "Cross-chain is like delivering a message; the more footprints you leave, the richer the reward!" In contrast, novice Xiao Zhang, believing in the 'Transfer 0.001 ETH to receive millions of air coins' memo trap, saw his assets turn to zero in an instant, crying in the toilet: "Greed is a knife above the word, and under the memo is all a trap!"

I have observed the world and offer you two pieces of wisdom:
1. "True interactors do not roll in trading volume but roll in blockchain fingerprints" **— Leave traces across multiple chains, and the officials will naturally follow the clues.
2. "Meme coins are like lotteries, Layer 2 is social security, staking is a pension" — Diversify investments to achieve a good end.

#XRPETF
Once upon a time, there was a coin called XRP, which had an "XRP army" with the slogan: "To the moon, but with legal briefs!"

The lawsuit between XRP and the SEC is longer than "Game of Thrones." In 2023, the judge said, "XRP is not a security," and the XRP army popped champagne to celebrate, but the SEC immediately pulled out the appeal: "Season two renewed!" Ripple's legal department calmly stated, "An appeal? This is just advertising for the industry!"

In 2024, Trump returned to the White House with the slogan "Make Crypto Great Again," appointing a new SEC chair - a former Dogecoin miner. Overnight, the probability of XRP ETF approval on Polymarket soared to over 70%, and netizens joked: "Trump's tweets are more effective than technical analysis!"

BlackRock secretly applied for an XRP ETF, and Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse responded with a mysterious smile: "I don't comment, but those who know, know." The XRP community erupted: "BlackRock is here, our rocket fuel has arrived!"

Standard Chartered Bank analyst Geoffrey Kendrick adjusted his glasses: "XRP ETF? See you in 2025!" The price of XRP performed a "roller coaster" - rising to $3.3 and then crashing down, lawyer Bill Hogan complained: "This price drop is less natural than my hairline!"
$BTC

$XRP
On April 8, the first leveraged XRP ETF in the U.S. was launched, with trading volume skyrocketing to $5 million. Retail investors collectively went wild: "Double leverage! Let's go all in! Tomorrow, I'll be Elon Musk's neighbor!" But upon reading the prospectus, the CEO calmly added: "This thing is only suitable for one-day trading; holding long-term? You'd be better off buying a lottery ticket faster."

Just as the price of XRP soared to $2.05, programmers suddenly discovered that the official code repository had been stuffed with a virus for stealing private keys! The hacker even thoughtfully wrote a note: "Dear, your XRP has been packaged, remember to give a five-star review~"

The SEC finally let Ripple off the hook, and PayPal announced it would use XRP for cross-border payments. Just as the price was about to party, Trump wielded a 125% tariff club, and XRP immediately performed a "dive without a splash," leaving retail investors wailing: "This coin is more fickle than my ex!" (Classic line: **"When Trump sneezes, the crypto market catches pneumonia"**)

Now XRP is stable at $2.17, with large on-chain transfers happening as frequently as a grandma snatching eggs. Analysts have started drawing dreams again: "Reaching $4 in 2026!" Meanwhile, the old investors casually munch on seeds: "Believe it or not, the next black swan comes, can it still dance from the grave?"

In short, XRP proves with strength — **"As long as the story is exciting, both crashes and surges are just K-lines being cute."**

#XRPETF

Once upon a time, there was a coin called XRP, which had an "XRP Army" with the slogan: "To the moon, but with legal briefs!"

The lawsuit between XRP and the SEC is longer than "Game of Thrones." In 2023, the judge said, "XRP is not a security," and the XRP Army popped champagne to celebrate, but the SEC immediately pulled out an appeal: "Season two renewed!" Ripple's legal department calmly stated, "An appeal? This is just free advertising for the industry!"

In 2024, Trump returned to the White House with the slogan "Make Crypto Great Again," appointing a new SEC chairman—a former Dogecoin miner. Overnight, the probability of XRP ETF approval on Polymarket soared to over 70%, and netizens joked: "Trump's tweets are more effective than technical analysis!"

BlackRock secretly applied for an XRP ETF, and Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse smiled mysteriously: "I won’t comment, but those who know, know." The XRP community was ecstatic: "BlackRock is here, our rocket fuel has arrived!"

Standard Chartered Bank researcher Geoffrey Kendrick adjusted his glasses: "XRP ETF? See you in 2025!" The price of XRP performed a "roller coaster"—rising to $3.3 and then falling back down, lawyer Bill Hogan complained: "This price drop is less natural than my receding hairline!"

#以太坊的未来
Dear crypto friends, today let's talk about Ethereum's “middle
Four years ago, Ethereum set a Flag to become the “deflationary god”, relying on the EIP-1559 burning mechanism to burn a staggering 7.3 billion USD worth of ETH. However, upon weighing in, it was found that the weight (supply) grows annually by an average of 0.805%! Goodness, this operation is akin to signing up for a gym membership but grilling skewers every day—burned calories (amount destroyed) will never catch up with the fried chicken (amount issued) intake. Vitalik looks at the K-line chart scratching his head: “Where are the promised six-pack abs? How did we end up with a beer belly?”

The Pectra shard upgrade was originally scheduled to launch in Q1 of this year, but due to ZK-Rollup's tantrums, it was directly postponed to April 25. After finally squeezing out a “technological feat” with TPS over 20,000 and transaction costs of 0.001 USD, we turned around to find Solana already snatched away 38% of the market share with 9,000 TPS and costs of 0.0001 USD, with daily active users being 5.6 times that of Ethereum. The retail traders angrily slapped their thighs: “Other public chains have already made it to Mars, while we are still fixing bicycle chains!”

Grayscale's ETHE product management fee is as high as 2.5%, leading retail traders to collectively perform “The Disappearing 1.1 Billion” — within seven weeks, funds flowed out frantically, with institutions like BlackRock overnight taking the low-rate train to escape. The SEC was there on the side adding salt to the wound: “ETH ETF is not allowed to stake!” Angry large holders withdrew their investments while cursing: “Ethereum that doesn’t allow staking is like a hotpot without chili—it's lost its soul!”

Future Survival Guide
1. **Middle Age Crisis Self-Help Guide**: Layer 2 slashes gas fees, resulting in a 72% drop in mainnet burn volume—suggest renaming EIP-1559 to “Retail Trader Tear Collector”
2. **Competitors' Low-Dimensional Attack**: Solana snatches users, Polygon intercepts BlackRock's trillion-dollar RWA cake, Ethereum holds the DeFi crown but has turned into “the front waves die on the beach”
3. **Regulatory Love Trade**: The SEC treats 75% of ERC-20 tokens as securities, and the ETH/BTC exchange rate has dropped to a historical low of 0.02—this wave is called “Love is not something you can buy, and you can sell just because you want to”

I heard that a certain whale bought antihypertensive drugs with staked ETH, suggesting renaming PoS to “Buddhist Holding Coin Health Preservation Method”

$TRUMP
When Trump threw out the tweet "TRUMP Coin Launch" on Truth Social, the cryptocurrency world staged a magical realism drama—First Lady Melania's MELANIA Coin just surged to $5, only to be hacked and renamed "Melania Trump Bitcoin," causing its market value to evaporate by 40% immediately.

Sister Li at the next desk chewed on spicy strips and laughed wildly: "Just look at the distribution of loot within the Trump family! 80% of the tokens stuffed into their own safe, what is this? Not blockchain? It’s the Trump family heirloom safe!" Suddenly, trader Xiao Zhang burst through the door: "Run! Sun Yuchen's $75 million market rescue WLFI turned him into a 'crypto philanthropist'!" The entire mining room collectively wailed—these days, even TRON has to act as an ATM for the White House?

At this moment, the LCD screen on the wall suddenly popped up a news alert: "SEC Chairman suddenly goes blind, Trump's crypto bill rushes through!" Old Wang spat coffee onto his keyboard: "Good heavens! Trump's presidential halo couldn't save the coin price, but it dazzled the regulatory agency instead?"

At this point, the futures market suddenly exploded. A big shot in the group shouted angrily: "Short the Dow futures, use TRUMP Coin as bullets!" Old Wang silently adjusted the mining machine's power to 100%, thinking: What is this, issuing coins? Clearly a mutated game of political donations!

#TRUMP晚宴
When the lawn of the Washington National Golf Club is still reflecting, the cryptocurrency world is staging an absurd drama—Big holder of TRUMP coins, Old Wang, is munching on a hamburger while scrolling through the news: "The top 220 coin holders are having dinner with the president!" His hand shakes, and coffee spills on the keyboard, creating a perfect $ symbol.

Sister Li at the adjacent workstation is chewing on spicy strips and laughing wildly: "Look at the threshold for the top 25! 4000 TRUMP coins are enough to buy all the squirrel food in Yellowstone Park!" Suddenly, trader Xiao Zhang bursts through the door: "Run! The Trump team just dumped $112 million, the coin price is going to crash!" The entire mining room collectively screams—these days, even hash rates are being hijacked by political donations?

At this moment, the LCD screen on the wall suddenly pops up with news: "Japanese pension funds bought TRUMP coins overnight, and a Chinese square dance team has formed the 'Silver Haired Coin Holder Suicide Squad'!" Old Wang sprays coffee all over the keyboard: "Goodness! The invitation to Trump's dinner hasn't arrived, but the square dance speakers have turned into mining machines?"

At this point, the futures market suddenly erupts. A big shot in the group yells: "Short the Dow futures, use ETH as bullets!" Old Wang silently adjusts the mining machine's power to 100%, thinking: Is this a dinner? It's clearly the ultimate showdown between the entire network's computing power and political power!

#比特币市值排名

In early April, Bitcoin was still playing 'Eagle Catching Chicks' on the global asset list alongside Zuckerberg's Meta and Buffett's Berkshire, with a market capitalization of $1.3 trillion barely squeezing into ninth place, mocked by netizens as 'even Grandma Silver can't outrun it.' As a result, half a month later, Bitcoin suddenly entered 'frenzy mode,' with its market cap soaring to $1.87 trillion, kicking Google and Amazon aside, directly charging into the global top five! Spectators exclaimed, 'What kind of digital gold is this? It's clearly gold Gundam fitted with a rocket booster!'

Did you think that was the end? The market cap K-line of Bitcoin has fluctuated more than a stand-up comedy from the De Yun Society—just on April 7, it plummeted to $74,000, with 450,000 retail investors collectively performing 'The Liquidation Alliance,' and the entire internet lamented 'Bitcoin is miserable.' In the blink of an eye, on April 23, the price jumped to $68,555, with its market cap directly surpassing the sum of two Teslas, leaving Musk silent: 'I bought Bitcoin back then to speculate, now the crypto world is using Bitcoin to speculate on me?'

Over here, Cathie Wood is shouting 'Bitcoin can rise to $3.5 million,' scaring Microsoft into overnight patching for the Windows system: 'Anti-Bitcoin Market Cap Replacement Patch v1.0'; over there, CryptoQuant analysts are waving around data showing 'achieved a market cap of $872 billion,' blowing the whistle: 'The bull market hasn't peaked yet, retail investors please fasten your seatbelts!' The most incredible part is Trump, who, while increasing tariffs to crash the U.S. stock market, stuffed Bitcoin into the 'strategic reserve,' perfectly illustrating what it means to 'go crazy and cut even my own people.'

(I heard that BlackRock's Bitcoin ETF has surpassed the largest silver ETF, suggesting it be renamed 'Metamorphosis of Digital Metals')

$ETH

"Attention students!" The magic professor V was rubbing his bald spot, "When casting smart contract magic at Ethereum Academy, your spell must be precise to every byte—last time a Muggle wrote ERC20 as EX Curry Stick, directly summoning the most expensive bowl of Japanese food in the entire network!"

The cafeteria lady suddenly interjected: "Gas fees have gone up again! Now eating a slice of pizza requires splitting it into eight bites!" The apprentices in the room wailed in despair, with someone performing on the spot, pledging their NFT avatar to the neighboring Binance Zoo's Shiba Inu.

Suddenly, alarms went off; it turned out a freshman was drawing Old Ding on the blockchain using Solidity code, and every transaction was accompanied by a soul joke. V announced while rubbing his forehead: "Congratulations, you have created the first-ever gas fee burner that tells jokes in history."

(In Ethereum, code is law, and gas fees are fart taxes—every spark of inspiration requires you to first pay the methane fee to the miners!)

#加密市场反弹
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Bitcoin is dozing on an $80,000 sofa when suddenly awakened by a tweet from Trump: "The U.S. strategic reserve is changing from crude oil to BTC!" Instantly, the whales on Coinbase collectively put on a show of "deliciousness," sweeping up 2,100 Bitcoins in just 72 hours, with even Musk exclaiming, "Faster than I sold the Cybertruck!"

However, **the first rule of the crypto world: good news fully released is bad news, and bad news coming is a scythe**. Just as the retail investors shouted, "The bull is back quickly," a little editor accidentally wrote "BlackRock ETF application approved" instead of "under review," causing Bitcoin to leap to $30,000, and retail investors rushed to leverage up, even the old man trading A-shares next door came to ask, "How do I buy coins?" — only to have the SEC tweet 30 minutes later: "Dear, fake news kills people!"

In an instant, the entire network saw liquidations of $743 million, short sellers cried like babies, and long holders laughed until they had abs. **The second rule of the crypto world: the big players eat meat while you sip soup, and when the big players dump, you get the wind**. A giant whale picked up WBTC for $600,000, but after rumors were dispelled, they tearfully cut their losses at $560,000, making it the "most expensive slip of the year."

At this point, MicroStrategy's CEO Saylor quietly pulled out his notebook: "Dropped? Just right to increase positions!" The company suffered a loss that brought its software business revenue to a ten-year low, yet still insisted on the "Bitcoin perpetual motion machine" strategy, leading the retail investors to exclaim: "This belief is tougher than Musk's Mars plan!"

Ultimately, as the market bounced back and forth between Trump's "tariff stick" and Harris's "crypto cold shoulder," **the seasoned investors summarized while smoking: "Bull markets have more crashes, bear markets have more zombies. Is your leverage over 3x? Do you think you're a clone of Sun Ge (referring to Justin Sun)?"**

"In bear markets, accumulate chips; in bull markets, count the eggs; survive the storm, and you will see a new blue ocean."

#Metaplanet增持比特币
Once upon a time, there was an island nation inhabited by a group of sharply dressed 'Bitcoin miners'—not digging with pickaxes, but frantically buying coins with calculators. They called themselves **Metaplanet**, with the slogan: "While others buy coins, we buy companies!"

In 2024, when retail investors were still debating 'should I buy Bitcoin or instant noodles?', Metaplanet's CEO Simon Gaylorovich slapped his thigh and exclaimed: "Negative interest rates on Japanese government bonds? Yen depreciation? Let's use them all as fuel for Bitcoin!" Thus began the 'cash power mode': issuing zero-interest bonds, splitting stocks, engaging in equity financing, even changing employee year-end bonuses to BTC—after all, "issuing coins is more valuable than issuing salaries."

By 2025, they had accumulated 4,525 Bitcoins at an average cost of $85,000. An analyst asked: "What if the coin price drops?" The CEO smirked: "Drops? Perfect for adding to the position! Our KPI is the number of Bitcoins, not the yen balance!" At the shareholder meeting, the PPT had only one line: "BTC quantity ↑, stock price ↑↑↑". Sure enough, the stock price surged 1000% in a year, and employees ordered sushi using the stock code: "Boss, I’d like the 'Set 1526' (company stock code)!"

The most outrageous move was **'splitting stocks to buy coins'**—splitting 1 share into 10 shares, dropping the stock price from 'luxury level' to 'convenience store level', causing retail investors to flock in: "Can’t afford 1 Bitcoin? Buy Metaplanet stock! Rounding up equals holding coins!" Netizens joked: "This company is essentially a Bitcoin-themed ETF, with an additional public company attached."

Now they boldly declare that by 2026, they will accumulate 21,000 coins, paying homage to Bitcoin's total supply of 21 million. Netizens exclaimed: "Are you trying to register 'Satoshi Nakamoto' as a company trademark?"

"When others are fearful, we buy coins;
When others are greedy, we issue bonds to buy coins;
When others go bankrupt... oh sorry, we only count the number of Bitcoins." 🚀

(Data as of 2025-04-22, Bitcoin price $87,410, Metaplanet holds 4,855 coins)