EIIRP SUE HDG aka 1st Amish Trader
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Who is 1st Amish Trader?
Eirich Süd-Hett was born somewhere between a cornfield and a thunderstorm, where the cows walk slower and the 3G never came.
He was born in a barn, baptized in rainwater, and learned to read the Book of Genesis and Binance charts with equal conviction.
By twenty-three, he’d traded butter for Bitcoin and raised a mining rig in his chicken coop—powered by the windmill , old sewing machine and righteous ambition.
He spoke plainly, dressed humbly, and once shorted Dogecoin during a barn raising.
The elders said he was “trading with the devil.” Eirich said, “Reckon the devil never set a stop-loss.”
He never used Wi-Fi, only telegrams, pegions and divine signals. He lost half his holdings in a 2020's Covid market crash, but said, “T’was the Lord’s way of teaching leverage.”
He now travels between crypto conferences in a horse-drawn wagon, preaching caution, coffee, and cold wallets.
“Trust in the Lord, but verify on-chain.” #TradeStories $PENDLE
He was born in a barn, baptized in rainwater, and learned to read the Book of Genesis and Binance charts with equal conviction.
By twenty-three, he’d traded butter for Bitcoin and raised a mining rig in his chicken coop—powered by the windmill , old sewing machine and righteous ambition.
He spoke plainly, dressed humbly, and once shorted Dogecoin during a barn raising.
The elders said he was “trading with the devil.” Eirich said, “Reckon the devil never set a stop-loss.”
He never used Wi-Fi, only telegrams, pegions and divine signals. He lost half his holdings in a 2020's Covid market crash, but said, “T’was the Lord’s way of teaching leverage.”
He now travels between crypto conferences in a horse-drawn wagon, preaching caution, coffee, and cold wallets.
“Trust in the Lord, but verify on-chain.” #TradeStories $PENDLE
The Gold Is Silent.
The gold is silent.
It does not scream.
While memecoins bleed
and candlesticks dream.
It waits beneath
the wreck of trust
a relic cold,
immune to dust.
No shill, no pump,
no tweet can wake
the hush beneath
the market’s quake.
And in that hush, a whisper grows “You traded gods for hollow rows.”
$PAXG #digitaldread #PowellRemarks #CryptoStocks $USDC
The gold is silent.
It does not scream.
While memecoins bleed
and candlesticks dream.
It waits beneath
the wreck of trust
a relic cold,
immune to dust.
No shill, no pump,
no tweet can wake
the hush beneath
the market’s quake.
And in that hush, a whisper grows “You traded gods for hollow rows.”
$PAXG #digitaldread #PowellRemarks #CryptoStocks $USDC
How to Panic During a Market Fall
Step 1: Refresh. Repeat. Regret.
Open your trading app.
Stare at the sea of red.
Refresh.
Stare again.
Scream internally.
Refresh once more — for absolutely no reason.
Step 2: Text your most unstable friend.
Because obviously they will offer calm, strategic advice like:“SELL EVERYTHING. BUY BEANS. MOVE TO A CAVE.”
Step 3: Blame Jerome Powell.
Even if you don’t know who he is, it sounds smart.
Or just tweet: “This is exactly what the elites wanted.”
Step 4: Make irrational trades at 2AM.
Because clearly, the best financial decisions are made half-asleep with one eye twitching and two Monster energy drinks in your system.
Step 5: Google 'how to become a monk'.
Realize monks don’t have Wi-Fi.
Cry harder.
And finally… Step 6: Vow never to trade again.
Until 15 minutes later when a green candle appears and you yell: “WE’RE SO BACK BABY!”
Panic responsibly, folks. And never forget: If your coin crashes in the forest and no one's around to tweet it… did it really dump?
$TRUMP $DOGE $LUNA
Step 1: Refresh. Repeat. Regret.
Open your trading app.
Stare at the sea of red.
Refresh.
Stare again.
Scream internally.
Refresh once more — for absolutely no reason.
Step 2: Text your most unstable friend.
Because obviously they will offer calm, strategic advice like:“SELL EVERYTHING. BUY BEANS. MOVE TO A CAVE.”
Step 3: Blame Jerome Powell.
Even if you don’t know who he is, it sounds smart.
Or just tweet: “This is exactly what the elites wanted.”
Step 4: Make irrational trades at 2AM.
Because clearly, the best financial decisions are made half-asleep with one eye twitching and two Monster energy drinks in your system.
Step 5: Google 'how to become a monk'.
Realize monks don’t have Wi-Fi.
Cry harder.
And finally… Step 6: Vow never to trade again.
Until 15 minutes later when a green candle appears and you yell: “WE’RE SO BACK BABY!”
Panic responsibly, folks. And never forget: If your coin crashes in the forest and no one's around to tweet it… did it really dump?
$TRUMP $DOGE $LUNA
Don't panic. And sell everything. Ignore the reality.
Have some rest. Eat beefsteaks. Relax. $BIO
Have some rest. Eat beefsteaks. Relax. $BIO
Trump launches Military Parade NFT Collection 🎖️
Each NFT includes:
A golden tank
An F-35 shaped like his hair
And a super rare “General Trump” hologram giving orders to a bald eagle
Utility includes
Access to Mar-a-Lago Call of Duty LAN party
10% off MAGA energy drinks
Priority seating at the next Space Force Rodeo
Hurry #TrumpBTCTreasury
#CommandAndCollectible #FOMCMeeting $TRUMP
Each NFT includes:
A golden tank
An F-35 shaped like his hair
And a super rare “General Trump” hologram giving orders to a bald eagle
Utility includes
Access to Mar-a-Lago Call of Duty LAN party
10% off MAGA energy drinks
Priority seating at the next Space Force Rodeo
Hurry #TrumpBTCTreasury
#CommandAndCollectible #FOMCMeeting $TRUMP
Tsuka Washababka’s 3 Sacred Lessons for Trader’s Mind. VITAL for GREAT RESULTS !
HERE are psycho-emotional resilience practices of famed Japanese trader Tsuka Washababka, whose unique synthesis of Zen metaphor, market realism, and ironic detachment has influenced a generation of digital asset monks. Three guiding principles for sustaining mental clarity amidst volatility.
1. Breathe like you’re not watching the 1-minute chart. The crane does not flap for every wind. Tsuka says: “Inhale before your impulse trade, exhale before your margin call. If you cannot meditate, at least chew your ramen slowly.”
2. Losses are teachers in disguise, and gains are often just traps in formalwear. Scream into your kimono, then move on.
Tsuka’s law: “The more you stare at your portfolio, the more it becomes a mirror of your childhood trauma.” All profits are illusions. All losses are lessons. Except $LAYER that was just cruel.
3. Do not compete with the Whale. Become the Koi.
While the whale dives, the koi glides. Stop timing tops. Swim in stillness. The koi never panic-buys. Tsuka says: “The koi never asks, ‘Is this the bottom?’ It simply swims in graceful loops while you cry over resistance levels.”
Washababka’s doctrine merges sarcasm and serenity, urging traders to pursue equanimity over euphoria. Her mantra: Let your stop-loss be firm, your tea warm, and your ego... soft as tofu...
$PAXG $BIFI
HERE are psycho-emotional resilience practices of famed Japanese trader Tsuka Washababka, whose unique synthesis of Zen metaphor, market realism, and ironic detachment has influenced a generation of digital asset monks. Three guiding principles for sustaining mental clarity amidst volatility.
1. Breathe like you’re not watching the 1-minute chart. The crane does not flap for every wind. Tsuka says: “Inhale before your impulse trade, exhale before your margin call. If you cannot meditate, at least chew your ramen slowly.”
2. Losses are teachers in disguise, and gains are often just traps in formalwear. Scream into your kimono, then move on.
Tsuka’s law: “The more you stare at your portfolio, the more it becomes a mirror of your childhood trauma.” All profits are illusions. All losses are lessons. Except $LAYER that was just cruel.
3. Do not compete with the Whale. Become the Koi.
While the whale dives, the koi glides. Stop timing tops. Swim in stillness. The koi never panic-buys. Tsuka says: “The koi never asks, ‘Is this the bottom?’ It simply swims in graceful loops while you cry over resistance levels.”
Washababka’s doctrine merges sarcasm and serenity, urging traders to pursue equanimity over euphoria. Her mantra: Let your stop-loss be firm, your tea warm, and your ego... soft as tofu...
$PAXG $BIFI
The Golden Trader - legend of $PAXG
Long ago, in a village where the mist never left the trees, there lived an old trader named Kinjiro. He did not chase memecoins nor boast in candlelight he traded only one thing: PAXG, the gold that does not rust.
Every morning, Kinjiro would sit beneath the same crooked pine, his bamboo wallet open to the winds, watching the charts drift across his rice-paper screen.
One day, a young ronin approached in the rain.
"Master," he said, soaked in fear and FOMO,
"Should I buy? Should I sell? The market now a-like a wounded crane!"
Kinjiro smiled gently, letting the rain wash his face.
"When the storm comes," he said, "some build shelters, some pray for sun. But the golden leaf does not panic — it floats, for it knows even the river obeys the mountain."
He handed the ronin a single PAXG token, wrapped in silk.
"Hold it as you would hold a breath. And release it before you become its prisoner."
The ronin bowed, and vanished like a candle in mist. Kinjiro stayed, trading in stillness, as rain fell on pine, screen, and soul.
And they say if you listen you can still hear the gold singing softly in the rhythm of the rain. “He who owns the gold calmly, already holds the world.”
Long ago, in a village where the mist never left the trees, there lived an old trader named Kinjiro. He did not chase memecoins nor boast in candlelight he traded only one thing: PAXG, the gold that does not rust.
Every morning, Kinjiro would sit beneath the same crooked pine, his bamboo wallet open to the winds, watching the charts drift across his rice-paper screen.
One day, a young ronin approached in the rain.
"Master," he said, soaked in fear and FOMO,
"Should I buy? Should I sell? The market now a-like a wounded crane!"
Kinjiro smiled gently, letting the rain wash his face.
"When the storm comes," he said, "some build shelters, some pray for sun. But the golden leaf does not panic — it floats, for it knows even the river obeys the mountain."
He handed the ronin a single PAXG token, wrapped in silk.
"Hold it as you would hold a breath. And release it before you become its prisoner."
The ronin bowed, and vanished like a candle in mist. Kinjiro stayed, trading in stillness, as rain fell on pine, screen, and soul.
And they say if you listen you can still hear the gold singing softly in the rhythm of the rain. “He who owns the gold calmly, already holds the world.”
If your coin crashes in the forest and no one's around to tweet it… did it really dump?
$JASMY
$JASMY
How to PANIC during a Marketfall !!! MUST know.
Step 1: Refresh. Repeat. Regret.
Open your trading app.
Stare at the sea of red.
Refresh. Stare again.
Scream internally.
Refresh once more — for absolutely no reason. x10
Step 2: Text or call your most unstable friend.
Because obviously they will offer calm, strategic advice like: SELL EVERYTHING NOW!!!! BUY BEANS. $MOVE TO A CAVE.
Step 3: Blame Jerome Powell Even if you don’t know who he is, it sounds smart. Or just tweet: This is exactly what the elites wanted.
Step 4: Make irrational trades at 2AM.
Because clearly, the best financial decisions are made half-asleep with one eye twitching and two huge RedBULL drinks in your system.
Step 5: Google 'how to become a monk'.
Realize monks don’t have Wi-Fi. Cry harder.
And finally… 6: Vow never to trade again.
Until 15 minutes later when a green candle appears and you yell: WE’RE SO BACK $BABY !
Panic responsibly, folks. And never forget: If your coin crashes in the forest and no one's around to tweet it… did it really dump?
$TRUMP
#MarketPullback #BTC110KSoon? #StrategyBTCPurchase
Open your trading app.
Stare at the sea of red.
Refresh. Stare again.
Scream internally.
Refresh once more — for absolutely no reason. x10
Step 2: Text or call your most unstable friend.
Because obviously they will offer calm, strategic advice like: SELL EVERYTHING NOW!!!! BUY BEANS. $MOVE TO A CAVE.
Step 3: Blame Jerome Powell Even if you don’t know who he is, it sounds smart. Or just tweet: This is exactly what the elites wanted.
Step 4: Make irrational trades at 2AM.
Because clearly, the best financial decisions are made half-asleep with one eye twitching and two huge RedBULL drinks in your system.
Step 5: Google 'how to become a monk'.
Realize monks don’t have Wi-Fi. Cry harder.
And finally… 6: Vow never to trade again.
Until 15 minutes later when a green candle appears and you yell: WE’RE SO BACK $BABY !
Panic responsibly, folks. And never forget: If your coin crashes in the forest and no one's around to tweet it… did it really dump?
$TRUMP
#MarketPullback #BTC110KSoon? #StrategyBTCPurchase
I love the smell of burning $BTC in the morning, son. - said every seasoned trader watching the red candles drip like napalm. - It ain’t war, but it sure smells like liquidation.
Some say it's pain. Others say it's discount season.
But the real veterans?
They sip coffee, whisper: buy the dip,
and reload the DCA.
Welcome to the jungle, kid. $JST $JOE
Some say it's pain. Others say it's discount season.
But the real veterans?
They sip coffee, whisper: buy the dip,
and reload the DCA.
Welcome to the jungle, kid. $JST $JOE
I'm Only Happy When It Falls (Garbage Cover)
I’m only happy when it falls !!!
When red candles dance on broken walls.
I sip my coffee while the whales withdraw
I smile when fear is all I saw.
:I’m only happy in the dip,
Riding wreckage, cracked and slick.
Green lies, but red ... it tells it all...
Yeah, I’m only happy when it falls.
Don’t talk to me when it’s going green,
I miss the chaos, sharp and mean.
Let it crash, let it burn that’s my song,
'Cause market crash where I belong.
I’m only happy when it falls.
Yeah, I live for bearish calls.
I Sell the dream, I buy the fear
That’s when I final-feel so clear!
$GALA $GNO $GUN
I’m only happy when it falls !!!
When red candles dance on broken walls.
I sip my coffee while the whales withdraw
I smile when fear is all I saw.
:I’m only happy in the dip,
Riding wreckage, cracked and slick.
Green lies, but red ... it tells it all...
Yeah, I’m only happy when it falls.
Don’t talk to me when it’s going green,
I miss the chaos, sharp and mean.
Let it crash, let it burn that’s my song,
'Cause market crash where I belong.
I’m only happy when it falls.
Yeah, I live for bearish calls.
I Sell the dream, I buy the fear
That’s when I final-feel so clear!
$GALA $GNO $GUN
Market Warning: The Bullish Bear Has Arrived
It growls like a bear, but charges like a bull. It wears flip-flops in winter and pasts the futures on instinct. No TA works. No logic survives. BTC is up... but fear is also up. Altcoins pump… then dump… then pump again, just to flex.
Advice from ancient scrolls: "When the Bullish Bear roams, place limit orders and light a candle. Possibly both."
$BTC $ETH $SOL
It growls like a bear, but charges like a bull. It wears flip-flops in winter and pasts the futures on instinct. No TA works. No logic survives. BTC is up... but fear is also up. Altcoins pump… then dump… then pump again, just to flex.
Advice from ancient scrolls: "When the Bullish Bear roams, place limit orders and light a candle. Possibly both."
$BTC $ETH $SOL
📈 3 Absolutely Essential Tips to Survive a Bullish Market MUST REAĎ.
Because making money can be just as traumatic as losing it.
1. Don’t check your portfolio every 5 minutes.
Check it every 2 minutes — you never know when it’ll hit “Lambo or lasagna.”
2. Pretend you're humble. When your coin 10x’s, post: “Grateful for the journey 🙏” Not: “I told you peasants in February!”
3. Take profits… theoretically.
Say you’ll take profits at the next pump.
Then the next one.
Then the next.
Then cry when it crashes and tell your cat it was "for the culture."
Bonus tip:
Never trust a green candle. It smiles like a politician before elections.
Survive the bull. Become the $COW .
$BIFI $FARM
Because making money can be just as traumatic as losing it.
1. Don’t check your portfolio every 5 minutes.
Check it every 2 minutes — you never know when it’ll hit “Lambo or lasagna.”
2. Pretend you're humble. When your coin 10x’s, post: “Grateful for the journey 🙏” Not: “I told you peasants in February!”
3. Take profits… theoretically.
Say you’ll take profits at the next pump.
Then the next one.
Then the next.
Then cry when it crashes and tell your cat it was "for the culture."
Bonus tip:
Never trust a green candle. It smiles like a politician before elections.
Survive the bull. Become the $COW .
$BIFI $FARM
the Chosen One ... the world awaits....
After the Great Word War when Trump’s tweets cracked the sky and Musk’s emojis bent time the markets fell silent. Coins bled into shadows. Memes lost their laughter.
BUT. From the salt flats of Bolivia to the back alleys of Prague, fortune tellers spoke of the Chosen One: A trader born with no wallet, no name ... only a seed phrase whispered by a dying modem.
They say this one shall not chart, but dream in candlesticks. Shall not chase coins, but summon them with breath. He will ride neither bull nor bear but something older, unnamed, a serpent pulsing beneath the blockchains.
And Soon ( maybe today , maybe tomorrow ) when the Chosen One will sign one final transaction…
and the chain shall tremble.
#TrumpVsMusk Just to remind the world the code was always sacred
$SOL $TRUMP $DOGE
After the Great Word War when Trump’s tweets cracked the sky and Musk’s emojis bent time the markets fell silent. Coins bled into shadows. Memes lost their laughter.
BUT. From the salt flats of Bolivia to the back alleys of Prague, fortune tellers spoke of the Chosen One: A trader born with no wallet, no name ... only a seed phrase whispered by a dying modem.
They say this one shall not chart, but dream in candlesticks. Shall not chase coins, but summon them with breath. He will ride neither bull nor bear but something older, unnamed, a serpent pulsing beneath the blockchains.
And Soon ( maybe today , maybe tomorrow ) when the Chosen One will sign one final transaction…
and the chain shall tremble.
#TrumpVsMusk Just to remind the world the code was always sacred
$SOL $TRUMP $DOGE
It Was a Hard Trading Day 🎶
Whispers through the ticker tape,
Red lines carve my fate
Candles weep in neon cold
They sold my dreams for pixel gold.
Velvet panic in my chair,
My lungs inflate with liquid air.
Ctrl-Z can’t fix regret
My coins are ghosts in cold wallet nets.
Sleep comes late, charts rewind,
A lullaby in bearish time.
Whale songs hum, too low to hear
I trade in fear. I trade in fear.
$PAXG $PEPE $BTC
Whispers through the ticker tape,
Red lines carve my fate
Candles weep in neon cold
They sold my dreams for pixel gold.
Velvet panic in my chair,
My lungs inflate with liquid air.
Ctrl-Z can’t fix regret
My coins are ghosts in cold wallet nets.
Sleep comes late, charts rewind,
A lullaby in bearish time.
Whale songs hum, too low to hear
I trade in fear. I trade in fear.
$PAXG $PEPE $BTC
See original
The Legend of the Three Guardians of XRP
They say, in the crumbling alleys of Caracas and the wind-wrapped peaks of Chiapas, that three souls once held XRP not for profit, but for prophecy.
The first was a banker’s ghost, still wandering after a collapse. He HODLed not out of hope, but to haunt the system that betrayed him. Every dip, he wept. Every pump, he laughed like thunder.
The second was a shaman from the Orinoco delta, who read candlesticks like bones. He believed XRP was the digital serpent foretold in his ancestors’ code-stained visions --- a snake that would coil around the banks and squeeze truth from their lies.
The third… no one truly saw him. A child, or an old man? Some say he had no face, only a QR code etched in obsidian. He never traded, only waited because he said when the moon and the ledgers align, XRP would sing.
Now they say all three are gone. Not dead. Not lost. Just merged into the chain, as nodes in a network not built by humans, but by myth.
And if you listen closely…when the markets sleep, and the jungle hums in Ripple's rhythm, you might hear their whisper: XRP is not a currency… it is a sacred curse. 🌑
$XRP
They say, in the crumbling alleys of Caracas and the wind-wrapped peaks of Chiapas, that three souls once held XRP not for profit, but for prophecy.
The first was a banker’s ghost, still wandering after a collapse. He HODLed not out of hope, but to haunt the system that betrayed him. Every dip, he wept. Every pump, he laughed like thunder.
The second was a shaman from the Orinoco delta, who read candlesticks like bones. He believed XRP was the digital serpent foretold in his ancestors’ code-stained visions --- a snake that would coil around the banks and squeeze truth from their lies.
The third… no one truly saw him. A child, or an old man? Some say he had no face, only a QR code etched in obsidian. He never traded, only waited because he said when the moon and the ledgers align, XRP would sing.
Now they say all three are gone. Not dead. Not lost. Just merged into the chain, as nodes in a network not built by humans, but by myth.
And if you listen closely…when the markets sleep, and the jungle hums in Ripple's rhythm, you might hear their whisper: XRP is not a currency… it is a sacred curse. 🌑
$XRP
To be liquidity, or not to be -
That is the eternal question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to HODL
The dips and dumps of outrageous fortune,
Or to sell , and by opposing - wreck it?
To sell, to sleep ...
No more red candles, and by sleep we mean
Escape from rugs and paper hands’ regret.
To trade, perchance to moon - ay, there’s the rub…
For in that moonshot what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this volatile coil,
Must give us pause.
Liquidity : the silent pool where whales feed
Thou art both savior and siren.
Too deep, and we drown. Too shallow, and we starve.
Thus caution doth make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of FOMO
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of TA,
And traders of great ambition and leverage
With charts awry their action turn away…
To be liquidity, or not to be?
Only the market knows — and it ain't telling.
$SOL $SUI $HBAR
That is the eternal question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to HODL
The dips and dumps of outrageous fortune,
Or to sell , and by opposing - wreck it?
To sell, to sleep ...
No more red candles, and by sleep we mean
Escape from rugs and paper hands’ regret.
To trade, perchance to moon - ay, there’s the rub…
For in that moonshot what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this volatile coil,
Must give us pause.
Liquidity : the silent pool where whales feed
Thou art both savior and siren.
Too deep, and we drown. Too shallow, and we starve.
Thus caution doth make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of FOMO
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of TA,
And traders of great ambition and leverage
With charts awry their action turn away…
To be liquidity, or not to be?
Only the market knows — and it ain't telling.
$SOL $SUI $HBAR
President Trump has announced a bold new fiscal policy -- He will now tax his own cryptocurrency: $TRUMP ✨
Because, folks, when you can’t build a wall, you build a wallet!
According to sources (his personal barber's barber), the Trump has decided: “No one has done more for taxes than me. I invented them. I beat them. Now I collect them. That’s a win-win-win like a triple cheeseburger but for freedom.”
Trump Coin holders are not worried. Barbie_pink464476 investor said: I just like the shiny gold logo. And the tweets. Mainly the tweets.
Remember folks: If crypto is the Wild West, Trump Coin is the saloon, the sheriff, and the guy selling snake oil in a red hat.
Make Memecoins Great Again! $SHIB $PEPE
#TrumpTariffs
Because, folks, when you can’t build a wall, you build a wallet!
According to sources (his personal barber's barber), the Trump has decided: “No one has done more for taxes than me. I invented them. I beat them. Now I collect them. That’s a win-win-win like a triple cheeseburger but for freedom.”
Trump Coin holders are not worried. Barbie_pink464476 investor said: I just like the shiny gold logo. And the tweets. Mainly the tweets.
Remember folks: If crypto is the Wild West, Trump Coin is the saloon, the sheriff, and the guy selling snake oil in a red hat.
Make Memecoins Great Again! $SHIB $PEPE
#TrumpTariffs
Ok. IMPORTANT news før traders : The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and (Definitely Not) Celebration!
OECD — that’s the global group of economic overthinkers who still use fax machines has downgraded the U.S. and global growth forecasts, and folks… it’s not looking spicy. The U.S. economy is now expected to grow just 1.6% in 2025 and 1.5% in 2026 — or as economists call it: “Still moving... just in slow, awkward clogs.”
Well, according to the OECD, the culprits are:
Tariffs (aka “international middle fingers”). Policy uncertainty (aka “Will they or won’t they raise interest rates — the worst rom-com ever”). And possibly… Mercury in retrograde. (Still under review.)
In simpler terms: Imagine trying to run a marathon …but every few miles, someone changes the rules, taxes your shoes, and asks you to guess next quarter's inflation.
So remember, folks: It’s not a recession. It’s a... financially creative intermission. And now… back to your regularly scheduled financial panic!
$BTC $PAXG $FET
OECD — that’s the global group of economic overthinkers who still use fax machines has downgraded the U.S. and global growth forecasts, and folks… it’s not looking spicy. The U.S. economy is now expected to grow just 1.6% in 2025 and 1.5% in 2026 — or as economists call it: “Still moving... just in slow, awkward clogs.”
Well, according to the OECD, the culprits are:
Tariffs (aka “international middle fingers”). Policy uncertainty (aka “Will they or won’t they raise interest rates — the worst rom-com ever”). And possibly… Mercury in retrograde. (Still under review.)
In simpler terms: Imagine trying to run a marathon …but every few miles, someone changes the rules, taxes your shoes, and asks you to guess next quarter's inflation.
So remember, folks: It’s not a recession. It’s a... financially creative intermission. And now… back to your regularly scheduled financial panic!
$BTC $PAXG $FET
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