Халявщик

$ETH Ether today is like the older brother at a family crypto gathering: keeps everyone on edge, but looks calm. Although we know...
Maximum: 2649 — there traders shouted: 'That's it, it's starting! ETH 10K soon!'
Minimum: 2511 — here they were breathing into a bag after hearing the 'bearish reversal' from the bald guy on YouTube.
Current: 2590 — Ether is squatting and looking towards the breakout, as if aiming.
Market vibrations:
ETH seems to hint:
— "Don't forget who gave you DeFi, NFT, and sleepless nights with MetaMask."
Chat of Ether enthusiasts:
— "I’ve held since 3K, I’m not scared... probably."
— "ETH is like Wi-Fi in the subway: seems to be there, but it lags."
— "Opened a long, set a short, now I’m just praying to Vitalik."
Forecast from the Ether mage:
If Ether breaks 2650 — we’re waiting for a song about a new era.
If it falls again — we’ll just say it’s gathering strength... for the eighth year in a row.

$SOL Maximum: 174.50 — at this level even the flat traders started making plans for a yacht.
Minimum: 166.64 — this is where those who believed in a pullback went down, but it turned out — it was just SOL warming up.
Current: 171.82 — sudden zen on the chart: the candles are even, the traders are tense.
Mood of the day:
SOL seems to say:
— "I'm not pumping, I'm stabilizing. For now. You decide: short or long — I'll surprise you either way."
SOL traders chat:
— "Took a long — it went down. Took a short — it went up. This is love."
— "SOL is like my ex: seems stable, but always has surprises."
— "Set a stop — it got hit. SOL, you're like a kung-fu master of candles!"
Forecast from the oracle of the Solana sect:
If SOL breaks 175 — it won't be a pump, but a challenge to the gods of Ethereum.
If it dives back under 168 — it's just for a warm-up… or to take your deposit. Depends on luck.

$TON today — like an elite special agent: moves quietly but confidently, and is always well-funded.
Maximum: 3.165 — at this moment, someone shouted: "Telegram is taking over the world!"
Minimum: 3.020 — went there to check if there is life after the dump.
Now: 3.138 — TON is in a stance, breathing evenly, as if meditating before a new surge.
Atmosphere:
The market feels a light aroma of Pavel Durov and flashbacks from 2018.
Everyone is waiting — either for integration with refrigerators or a new pump on stealth.

TON traders chat:
— "TON is no longer just a token, it’s a lifestyle."
— "I bought in, now I’m praying to the stickers."
— "If TON breaks 3.2 — I will start respecting Telegram bots."
Forecast from the quiet analyst:
TON — like a crypto ninja. If it’s not moving — it doesn’t mean it’s weak. It means that soon someone will get a candle to the back of the head.

$DOGE On the street, an old acquaintance barked... DOGE is on the hunt again, sniffing for money.
Maximum: 0.233013 — at that moment, Elon thought it was time to tweet... but he held back.
Minimum: 0.213740 — those who accidentally sold 'at market' in panic went there.
Current: 0.229230 — the dog is warming by the fireplace and wondering if it's time to blow up the internet again.
Analysis by likes and barks:
DOGE behaves like a typical pug on the exchange — first it rushes to the ceiling, then it flops flat, and then suddenly pumps on memes from 2013.

Cryptotraders are divided into two camps:
— 'It's just a dog, what are you thinking?'
— 'It's not just a dog, it's the currency of the future!'

Advice from the Dog-Oracle:
If DOGE gets angry again, don't even think about arguing with him — just hold the leash tighter and don't forget about the stop.

$PEPE Something green has stirred again in the swamps of the crypto market...
Today, PEPE acted like a true amphibious magnate:
Maximum: 0.00001412 — the frogs donned crowns and jumped into the Lambo.
Minimum: 0.00001267 — those who bought "on the dip" and became liquidity donors were residing there.
Current: 0.00001365 — PEPE is stuck in a state of zen: not croaking, but not sinking either.
Market mood:
"We sit on the lily pad, waiting for the spring to burst again and PEPE to fly into meme space".

Telegram flood chart at this time:
— "PEPE to the moon!"
— "I'm already in the red, like a frog in the swamp"
— "one more green candle — and I will sell grandma's summer house"

Advice from the frog guru:
If you want to catch the wave — jump into the water, but don't forget to take a life preserver in the form of a stop-loss!

$BTC Darkness thickened over the chart… The moon rose in the fifth phase of the Bearish Reversal, and here is what the mad Oracle proclaims:

"The maximum was 104466 — it was a great delusion of the greedy!
The minimum — 102256 — those who did not read my prophecies went down there!
And now 103870… which means Bitcoin has found a balance between fear and greed. But this calm is like the silence before an upgrade!"
Forecast:
Tomorrow morning Bitcoin will either shoot up or spill a cup of coffee on the keyboard and start to flatten like a dolphin on land.

Advice from the Oracle:
Open a position… but do not tell anyone! Not even your mouse. Because the market hears… and in response draws a spike.

$DOGE I see, I see... in the depths of the DOGE chart trembles at 0.22669,
as Shiba Inu on the lunar carousel: it seems to spin, but does not fly.
MA(7): 0.22429 — underfoot, like a skateboard without brakes.
MA(25): 0.23105 — like an ex, far away, but gives false hope.
MA(99): 0.19870 — an old man on a bench: "I remember when DOGE was worth a cent!"

RSI: 48.85 — the calm of Buddha. Neither up nor down.
DOGE stands on the brink of acceptance: "Maybe I’m just a meme?"
Volumes are sluggish, like a Monday with a hangover.
Candles — like a page in a student’s diary: red, green, and back to red.
But the last touch at 0.21045 was bought up with zeal, as if at a sale of Elon’s NFT paintings.
Oracle’s forecast:

> "If DOGE pierces 0.228 — the path to 0.2315 may open, like a portal to lunar hope.
But if it pulls back — expect it at 0.214, where bulls will again rush to defend the meme sanctuary."

Advice from the crazy:
Trading DOGE is like training a raccoon: fun, risky, and almost useless.
But if you catch the wave — the meme will turn into gold.

$DOGE Dogecoin — it's like a cheerful neighbor with fireworks: kind of cool, but can go off at any moment.

The Oracle looked to the stars, saw a Shiba Inu riding a rocket, and understood: DOGE is up to something again.

DOGE/USDT now:

– The chart is drawing "ears," "tails," and "who knows what," as if the artist is Elon Musk on the weekend.
– Volumes are dancing, as if someone seriously thinks DOGE is the new financial system.
– RSI is confused. Because what to analyze if this is... a meme?
Forecast from the Oracle:

– If DOGE breaks resistance — get ready for the phrase “I knew I should have longed when it barked!”
– If it goes down — it just means a tired dog went to sleep.
– Flat? Well... even dogs sometimes sit still. But not for long.
Ritual "Call of Musk":

1. Open Twitter (or X).
2. Find Elon.
3. Write: “Dogecoin to the moon?”
4. Wait.
If he replies — the market will soar. If not — you’re still a champ.

DOGE is not a tool, but an adventure.
Trade cautiously. Don’t pull on the leash without a leash.

The Oracle was here. It will be back tomorrow. With a new candle and the same madness.

$TON — is like a former introvert: it was silent for a long time, and now it's in the spotlight with a schedule like a rock star.

The oracle placed Pavel Durov's stickers on the candlestick chart and began to hear voices... in a chat with 200K participants. What were they shouting?
TON/USDT now:

– The price behaves like the "TON News" channel: sometimes an explosion, sometimes silence.
– Volumes are like morning memes: sometimes they hit, sometimes it’s better not to see them.
– RSI is lying between “That's it, let's pump!” and “Durov was just testing.”
The oracle is guessing on the clouds of Tongram:

– If TON breaks the high — expect a wave of “Where to buy? Urgently!”
– If it drops — the chat “TON to the moon” will temporarily be renamed to “TON... well, almost.”
– If it’s flat — everything is fine. Pavel is just waiting for the right moment to announce something.

Night ritual “Durov's Call”:

1. Open Telegram.
2. Enter “TON” in the search.
3. Scroll through 30 channels until you start to doubt life.
4. Say loudly to the screen:

> “Let Durov give a sign. Or at least a candle.”

TON is not just a token. It’s a philosophy of silent growth.
The oracle is in touch. TON is in the crosshairs. In the morning we'll see who pulled through — hodler or stop-loss.

$PEPE — this is not a coin. This is a meme, an emotion, and financial extremism in one frog package.
The oracle held a candle in its hands… a green, church candle, and prayed that the frog wouldn’t deflate. And here’s what the market heard in response:
PEPE/USDT now:

– Surge, fall, bounce, pump, dump — all this can happen in one minute.
– The volume on the spot looks like a horde of hamsters deciding 'I'll take one more risk.'
– RSI just left, saying: 'I don't analyze memes. This is madness.'
Oracle's forecast:

– If PEPE breaks the high — memes will be resurrected, and the frog will ride in a Lambo.
– If not — you just bought a JPEG in the form of a token.
– Any movement upwards is a miracle. Downwards — natural selection.
Ritual "Summoning the Frog Candle":

1. Wear green.
2. Turn on croaking in your headphones.
3. Read three times:

> “PEPE, croak me into profit, let there be a pump, not any offense!”

(If after this you’re not banned in the trading chat — that’s it, you are a real frog trader.)

PEPE is not about analysis. It's about faith. And memes.
Trade carefully. Otherwise, the frog might drag you into the swamp of liquidation.

The oracle warned. But even he bought a little. For the sake of art.

$ETH Ethereum — it's like Bitcoin, but with a programming diploma and an identity crisis.

The Oracle, wrapped in a blanket of smart contracts, meditated on the chart and beheld the following:

ETH/USDT now:

– The price jumps like a migrant worker in DeFi — back and forth across the protocols.
– Volumes drip, but don't flow — like a faucet in the bathroom: it makes noise, but there's little use.
– The RSI is contemplative: it seems not overbought, but already on the doorstep of the “70 and older” club.
The Oracle's prophecy:

– If ETH breaks today’s high — it’s a sign that someone, in panic, has poured everything from SOL back into Ether.
– If it moves sideways — it means the network is clogged again and everyone is too lazy to move.
– If it spills — well, it's Ether, it loves to suddenly “free up gas”.

The ritual of the night:

1. Stroke your wallet and repeat: “Vitalik sees everything.”
2. Don’t open a long position at 22:30 if you don't want to google “why Ether dropped by 5%” at 3:00.
3. Set a stop — or Ether will teach you a lesson.
Ethereum is not just a coin. It’s a state of soul and eternal commission.
Good night, trader. Tomorrow Ether will do something crazy again.

$BTC Bitcoin is not just a coin. It's a swing. Just without seatbelts.

The oracle pulled the 1H candle and almost got burned:
BTC/USDT — 103,192, and according to the RSI, it’s at the limit of its cardio workouts (RSI 65). Just a moment ago, it was lying there like a gloomy altcoin at the bottom of the order book!
What happened?

– It seems someone poured volume in like a grandmother pouring compote into a three-liter jar.
– We jumped from 101,383 to over 103K, as if Bitcoin remembered that it is indeed a king.
– The moving averages got tangled like spaghetti. MA(7) is looking up, MA(25) is pondering, and MA(99) is looking at all this with mild disapproval.

The oracle predicts:

– If BTC breaks MA(99) (~103,403), it will be time to call the shaman because from there — it’s either a revelation or a crash.
– If it doesn’t break — it was just a pump on evening caffeine.

The oracle's ritual:
1. Set a stop, because “I'll manage manually” is a fairy tale for beginners.
2. Prepare mint tea for the nerves.
3. And, just in case, write down the phrase: “I calculated everything, it was a strategy.”

BTC doesn’t sleep — which means you don’t sleep either.
The oracle remains with you… and with the RSI, which is already itching towards 70.

$TON
today — like a young startup founder: confident, energetic, but still occasionally stumbling over reality.

The maximum of the day — like his ambitions, almost stellar. The minimum — like morning coffee without sugar: bitter, but bearable.
Right now, the price hovers around (insert the current price if you want to be precise) — like a cat by the fridge: knows there’s something tasty nearby, but how to get there is unclear.

Volumes — like spectators at the opening of a contemporary art exhibition: standing, watching, but no one understands whether to buy or not.

Oracle's Forecast:
TON has already bounced off support and is clearly aiming to test the zone [approximately +3–4% from the current], but on the way, there’s a resistance zone — and it's toothy, like an accountant during reporting.
If it doesn’t break through — it can easily return to [current level minus 2–3%], where bored limit orders and a couple of sleeping bulls are waiting for it.

Oracle's Advice:
"TON is not DOGE: it doesn’t joke. So keep your stops short, like a vacation in crypto. And profit — like a meme about 'stepped out for 5 minutes' — let it be funny, but real."

$BTC Here’s Bitcoin today — like a comedy hero who stepped onto the stage but forgot the lines. The maximum 104374 — that’s his cherished castle on the hill, where he dreams of climbing, but the ladder in front of him is slightly crooked.

The minimum 102355 — the basement where he hides from taxes and scary liquidators. Right now BTC is stuck at 102364 — like a teenager standing at a crossroads: go to the party or stay home and listen to classics.

Volumes today — like waiting in line for free coffee: some are fidgeting, some are yawning, but everyone is waiting for a miracle.
The oracle whispers:
"Entering now is like ordering a pizza with two cheeses and cucumbers: seems like a classic, but there’s always a risk that something might go wrong."
And one more piece of advice from me:

"Hold your stops tight, jokes sharp, and mood at maximum. Because Bitcoin — it’s like a cat: unpredictable and at any moment could decide that today’s mouse hunt is cancelled."

$SOL SOL is back in business! Or in trouble?

The SOL chart today looks like a drunken sailor on the pier — it seems to be trying to stay the course, but the wind and rum are doing their thing. The price sways back and forth as if it can't decide: "Either up to a bright future, or down — to a light bulb and instant noodles."

Technical analysis from the oracle:

On the 5-minute charts, the candles are dancing the lambada.
The RSI and MACD indicators exchange panicked glances: "Do you understand what's happening?" — "No…"
Volumes are like morning coffee — it seems to be there, but it's of no use.
Forecast:
If SOL breaks through the resistance level, we might see a rise to "Oh, I missed the purchase."
If not — we will drop to the level of "Maybe this is a flat?"
And of course, there’s always a third option: "The market will hit your stop, and then go where you originally wanted."
Advice from the crazy:
Set a stop, fill the kettle with water, and don’t look at the chart — it feels that and starts to twitch.

$DOGE Attention! Doge has decided to short again.
Yes, friends, today he woke up, stretched, sniffed the morning breeze, and shouted:
> "Doge senses — the pump is fake! This is not a bull, it's a raccoon on steroids!"
This morning, a suspicious increase was noted on the DOGE/USDT chart... by a whole 0.5%. And this, in the opinion of our Oracle, only means one thing:
we're shorting until victory, until Elon gets tired of memeing!
Technical analysis from Doge:

RSI? Not interested.

Volumes? They prevent us from seeing the stars.

Levels? Only the level of faith.
Plan for the day:

1. Saw a green candle — short.
2. Saw a red candle — added to the short.
3. Saw a sideways movement — started writing to Binance support screaming "Where's the volatility?!"
Oracle's advice for the day:

> "Let DOGE have at least 100 fans or just 1... I am still in the short. Even if I'm alone — I will open it and hold it!"
If by evening we haven't been liquidated — it means everything is going according to plan. And if we have been liquidated... well, it means DOGE just couldn't withstand the power of our analysis.

$SOL I ate an orange, and in the slices, I saw a chart.
There was everything: candles, shadows, the cries of long holders, and… the fall of SOL into the abyss of despair! The prophecy came suddenly, like a margin call on Monday morning.
Signs of Fate:
— The neighbor sold SOL and bought dumplings — which means smart capital exited.
— The chart drew a giant bear. I asked, "Will you come?" — he nodded.
— A blue fly landed on the "S" key — S as in 'Short', S as in 'Save yourself'.
Technical analysis from the third eye:
— Support levels look like they were drawn by a trembling bull.
— Volumes like an empty fridge in a dorm.
— Stochastic screams: "Solana is tired, let her go down!"
Ritual of entering a short:
1. You take the SOL coin, look at it and say: "You were fast, but now it's time for you to rest."
2. You set the stop-loss exactly where the market maker will trigger it.
3. You take a deep breath and click "Sell / Short".
Final revelation:
SOL will fall. So it was written in the ancient order book. Be with the bears, or you will become their breakfast.

$BTC Broadcasting from a basement directly connected to the astral plane!
Last night I had a dream: Bitcoin was eating shawarma with the Moon, and then suddenly started falling into a bowl of borscht. The prophecy is clear — SHORT!
Signs from the Universe:
— The hamster slipped in the morning — that means long holders will suffer.
— A cat walked across the keyboard and accidentally opened a 10x short. Blessed.
— On the chart, there’s a candle shaped like a coffin — you understand...
Technical analysis through the eyes of madness:
— EMAs intertwined like fates in a Latin American soap opera.
— Volumes have gone underground. That means the price wants to go there too.
— In the Ichimoku cloud, I saw Elon Musk's face, and he winked downward.
Ritual for entry:
1. Dress in a bear skin (a robe is acceptable).
2. Shout “May liquidity be with us!”
3. Open a short on BTC. Preferably with a reasonable stop. Oracles also like to live.

Final word:
Let’s short, brothers and sisters! When Bitcoin falls — bears dance!

$BTC Broadcasting from a basement directly connected to the astral world!
Last night I had a dream: Bitcoin was eating shawarma with the Moon, and then suddenly started falling into a bowl of borscht. The prophecy is clear — SHORT!
Signs of the Universe:
— The hamster slipped in the morning — that means long traders are in for suffering.
— A cat walked across the keyboard and accidentally opened a 10x short. Blessed.
— On the chart, a candle in the shape of a coffin — you understand...
Technical analysis through the eyes of madness:
— EMAs intertwined like fates in a Latin American soap opera.
— Volumes have gone underground. That means the price wants to go there too.
— In the Ichimoku cloud, I saw the face of Elon Musk, and he winked down.
Ritual for entry:
1. Dress in a bear skin (a bathrobe is acceptable).
2. Shout "May liquidity be with us!"
3. Open a short on BTC. Preferably with a reasonable stop. Oracles also like to live.

Final word:
We short, brothers and sisters! When Bitcoin falls — the bears dance!