How to Panic During a Market Fall
Step 1: Refresh. Repeat. Regret.
Open your trading app.
Stare at the sea of red.
Refresh.
Stare again.
Scream internally.
Refresh once more — for absolutely no reason.
Step 2: Text your most unstable friend.
Because obviously they will offer calm, strategic advice like:“SELL EVERYTHING. BUY BEANS. MOVE TO A CAVE.”
Step 3: Blame Jerome Powell.
Even if you don’t know who he is, it sounds smart.
Or just tweet: “This is exactly what the elites wanted.”
Step 4: Make irrational trades at 2AM.
Because clearly, the best financial decisions are made half-asleep with one eye twitching and two Monster energy drinks in your system.
Step 5: Google 'how to become a monk'.
Realize monks don’t have Wi-Fi.
Cry harder.
And finally… Step 6: Vow never to trade again.
Until 15 minutes later when a green candle appears and you yell: “WE’RE SO BACK BABY!”
Panic responsibly, folks. And never forget: If your coin crashes in the forest and no one's around to tweet it… did it really dump?
