UPDATE: Trump Coin Unveils New Features — “Backed by Boldness, Not Blockchain”

$TRUMP is back, folks — bigger, louder, and with more features than your cousin’s pickup truck.

Here’s what’s new:

Backed by Trump’s Confidence Index (updated hourly via golf course Wi-Fi)

Built-in price floor: If it drops too low, it sues the market

Automatic staking during speeches — the longer he talks, the more coins you earn

“Truth Bomb” airdrops every time someone mentions the deep state on X

Early testers say it’s “the only coin that tweets before confirming a transaction.”

According to the official roadmap, the next upgrade will include pardon insurance and AI-generated compliments for holders over 70.

Crypto’s never been this tremendous.