Dondormidon

$BTC **— Honey, I bought bitcoin!**
**— Good job! How much?**
**— 0.0001 BTC!**
**— Great! And with what money?**
**— With ours… all of it.**

*(The dull sound of a falling body)*

#FOMCMeeting **Crypto traders listen to Powell's speech:**
— *"We are carefully assessing market conditions..."*
— Is this a bullish signal? Sell everything?
— *"Inflation remains elevated..."*
— DEFINITELY BULLISH! ALL IN ON BITCOIN!
— *"But the economy shows resilience..."*
— BEARISH! END OF CYCLE!
— *"However, we remain cautious..."*
— **WHAT DOES THIS CRAP MEAN ON TWITTER?!**

*(Five minutes later, BTC drops by 10% because Powell sneezed in the wrong camera.)*

#VietnamCryptoPolicy **The Government of Vietnam releases a meme-poster:**
*"Ho Chi Minh – the first HODLer in history!
Held independence for 30 years – didn't sell a single province!"*

#MetaplanetBTCPurchase — If Elon jokes about Metaplanet – their bitcoin portfolio will instantly pay off.
— *But he doesn't even know they exist.*

$BTC **— Dear, I analyzed everything and decided: we need to buy bitcoin!**
**— Great! How much?**
**— Well… all 50 thousand that we have!**
**— …You mean dollars?**
**— No, rubles.**
**— Ah, well then we can at least buy a whole satoshi.** 😂

#TrumpBTCTreasury **Journalist:** *"You called bitcoin a scam. Do you support it now?"*
**Trump:** *"I only called weak bitcoin a scam! My bitcoin is the strongest, the most honest, and has the best rate! Everyone says so!"*

$ADA Charles Hoskinson walks into a bar. The bartender asks:
— What will you have?
— ETH, then BCH, then ADA…
— Got it, the "Hardfork" cocktail?

#CardanoDebate — Alfonso has been talking for 5 years about how Cardano will change the world.
— The world hasn’t changed yet, but Alfonso has already learned 10 languages to argue on Twitter.

$BTC **A trader sits by the campfire, pulls out a wallet and whispers:**
*— Burn my keys… Let no one know that I had 10 BTC…*
**The wallet is thrown into the fire. Suddenly, laughter of Satoshi is heard from the flames.**
*— Ha-ha, that was just a QR code on a business card!* 🔥👻

#IsraelIranConflict Tehran and Tel Aviv launched their tokens:
— **IRANcoin** (but sanctions blocked the listing).
— **ISRAtoken** (everything is already sold out, but gas fees are astronomical).

$ETH **— Dear, why are you looking at the ETH chart so sadly?**
**— Because I bought at ATH, sold at the bottom, and now I'm watching it soar back to ATH...**
**— So you are a true crypto trader!

#CryptoRoundTableRemarks Developers, investors, and traders gathered to discuss the future of blockchain.
— *"We need scalability!"*
— *"And decentralization!"*
— *"And security!"*
And then someone timidly: *"And for the token price to rise…"*
Everyone in unison: *"Well, that's already magic, let's be more realistic!"*

#TradingTools101 **The trader enters the bar, approaches the bartender and says:**
— Give me the most powerful tool for market analysis!

The bartender hands him a mirror.

— ???

— So you can first see who's to blame for the last deposit loss! 😂

#CryptoCharts101 **— Dear, why are you looking at those cryptographic graphs for so long?**
**— It's art, dear!**
**— But everything is falling…**
**— Well, that's abstractionism!**

#NasdaqETFUpdate
. Family dinner
— Dad, why do we have three different Nasdaq ETFs in our portfolio?
— One for growth, the second for hedging, the third… *just in case 'what if it soars'*.
— Mom says you just don't know how to choose.
— Mom doesn't understand **diversification**!

#USChinaTradeTalks **Negotiation Teams Meeting:**
**American:** *— Your currency is artificially undervalued!*
**Chinese:** *— But your sanctions are artificially inflated.*
**Translator (to the side):** *— God, they are both right…*

#TradingMistakes101
— Why do you take one candy, then another, then a third?
— This is scalping. I wait for the cashier to get distracted so I can grab the fourth one at a discount.

#CryptoFees101 — *"Your balance: 0.0005 BTC ($30)"*
— *Trying to withdraw...*
— *"Minimum withdrawal: 0.001 BTC ($60)"*
— *"Fee: 0.0007 BTC ($42)"*
— **"Total: you have insufficient funds

#CryptoSecurity101 *Russian IT specialist:*
— Keep the seed phrase in a safe!
— What if the safe is broken into?
— Write "This is not a seed phrase" — and no one will guess.

#TradingPairs101 — I trade using the "Ichimoku" strategy.
— Is that something Japanese?
— No, it's just "ik" — when to enter, "m" — checkmate, "ou" — cancel the order, "ku" — where did my deposit go.