There are times I was truly harmed.
Misunderstood.
Rejected.
Interrupted right when I was excited to share.
And the feeling of 'being a victim' seeps into my heart,
to be gentle like a ballad – soothing,
but... toxic.
It whispers:
"It's okay, you have the right to be sad.
The one who is wrong is not you."
I believe it.
I lingered in that pitiful emotional puddle for a while.
Then a little longer.
Until I realized that 'a moment' turned into... a residence.
Then I read again a quote from Charlie Munger:
"Even if you are a victim,
feeling like a victim is still a mistake."
Initially, I thought:
"Is Mr. Munger being a bit too much?"
But then I understood –
that is not coldness.
That is a necessary kick.
Because every time I accept being a victim,
I unconsciously abandon my autonomy in responses.
I am no longer living.
I am just someone sitting still... enduring.
The part of me that is hurt is very good at constructing a moral facade.
Like:
"I am right. I am the one who is harmed."
But that layer of 'correctness' made me lose the ability to act.
Charlie does not deny the pain.
He is just saying what I don't want to hear:
If I turn pain into a living identity,
then no one can save me – not even myself.
I started to understand better:
There are pains that need to be faced directly –
but must not become the name of myself.
There are injustices I cannot accept –
but the most unjust thing is to allow oneself to become
"the person cannot do anything more."
Because if I keep playing the role of the unfortunate one,
I will forget how strong that person used to be.
And I realized another important thing:
Attitude towards life is always a choice –
not an inevitable result of circumstances.
I can be harmed.
But I don't need to live a life defined by that harm.
I haven't done this well every day.
But every time I nearly sink into the role of 'victim',
I always remind myself:
"Emotions need to be acknowledged.
But that doesn't mean...
I have to lie still in them forever."
I will move on.
Not because I am strong at all.
But because I don't want my life
a collection of what others have done to me.