In the crypto world, relying solely on 'faith recharge' and 'To the Moon' memes won't survive past three episodes. Below are the magical skills you must cultivate in the blockchain jungle.

1.'Jumping the God' level technical analysis

- Skill requirements:

- Can tell from the K-line chart whether Musk had dog food for breakfast today.

- Translate 'MACD golden cross' as 'the bull is here,' interpret 'dead cross' as 'the big player is washing the position, hold steady.'

- Failure cases:

A netizen mistook 'inverted candlestick chart' for 'buying signal,' resulting in a family bucket turning into a family 'trap.'

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2. Anti-FOMO golden bell shield

- Core mindset:

- When seeing '100x coin,' silently recite: 'When others are greedy, I am fearful; when others are fearful, I play dead.'

- When hearing 'Sun Yuchen is issuing coins again,' immediately turn off your phone and recite (Diamond Sutra).

- Practical training:

When a group friend posts a screenshot of 'earning a Lamborghini in an hour,' please calmly ask: 'Is the screenshot edited, or is the Lamborghini rented?'

3. Quantum speed reading white paper

- Quick skills:

- Directly flip to the last page and search for keywords like 'decentralization,' 'disrupting traditional finance,' 'ten-thousand-fold potential,' etc.

- If you find the project CEO's name is 'Satoshi Nakamoto Jr.,' immediately mark it as a 'pyramid scheme coin.'

- Classic lines:

'Our project is blockchain + metaverse + AI + carbon neutrality—abbreviated as 'Frankenstein.'

4. Wallet anti-loss technique

- Required courses:

- Always remember 'the mnemonic phrase is more important than your mother's birthday,' suggested to be tattooed on your pet's belly (confirm your pet is not rebellious first).

- Cold wallet usage guide: Buy three safes, putting the hard drive, password paper, and 'how to open the safe' manual in each.

- Blood and tears lessons:

Someone lost Bitcoin after storing their mnemonic phrase in QQ Space album and became known online as 'Digital Poverty Hero.'

5. Anti-fraud radar

- Early warning signal recognition:

- The 'teacher' in the group claims that following their signals is guaranteed profit, but uses a still from (The Wolf of Wall Street) as their avatar.

- The customer service phone number left on the project official website is '+86 123456789' (actually the number of the pancake stall downstairs).

- Life-saving mantra:

'High returns must have monsters; recruit heads, stab quickly; before exchanges run away, remember to withdraw coins to buy social security!'

6. The quantum superposition state of going all in and playing dead

- Philosophical cultivation:

- Seamlessly switch between 'All in' and 'lying flat,' shouting 'Hold to Mars' when it rises, and changing to 'value investment' when it drops.

- Master the 'I already knew it would drop' hindsight argument, hiding both merit and name.

- Famous quotes:

'Going all in is a kind of wisdom, playing dead is an art, and I—am the Schrödinger's gambler of the crypto world.'

7. International political divination technique

- Required topics:

- Predict the impact of the Federal Reserve's interest rate hikes on coin prices based on the frequency of Powell's blinking.

- Analyze whether 'Trump wearing a MAGA hat' implies he secretly bought Meme coins.

- Metaphysical tools:

Tesla stock price, Shiba Inu coin fluctuations, and the triple resonance analysis method of Weibo hot search 'Wang Feng releases new song.'

8. Community boasting master-level acting

- Survival rules:

- Spam the Telegram group with '🚀🌕,' while privately asking: 'Can this coin actually run?'

- When the project collapses, quickly change the avatar to 'Rich Buddha' and mass message: 'I warned about the risks long ago.'

- Oscar-level lines:

'I'm not cutting leeks; I'm just getting off early to take a call!'

9. Psychological reconstruction after contract liquidation

- Rehabilitation program:

- Phase One: Delete the app, smash the keyboard, post on Moments 'The crypto world is all a scam.'

- Phase Two: Secretly download the app, mumbling softly 'This time I'll only use 10x leverage.'

- Phase Three: Become an anti-contract propaganda ambassador, shouting 'Cherish life, stay away from leverage!' (unless the bull really comes)

10. Blockchain cold joke generator

- Social currency reserve:

- 'I trade coins not to make money, but to contribute liquidity to the blockchain!'

- 'Who Satoshi Nakamoto is not important; what matters is whether I have 'Satoshi' in my wallet.'

- Ultimate self-deprecation:

'After three years in the crypto world, my assets went from 'To the Moon' to 'To the Basement.'

Graduation assessment

Write a Zhihu answer titled (How I made 5 million from air coins in a bear market) (Note: The text must include 'Thank you for the invitation, I'm in Mongolia, just got off an aircraft carrier' and 'Conflict of interest: I have cashed out').

Conclusion

In the crypto world, you will eventually understand:

- True 'financial freedom' might be 'freely losing it all.'

- The most profitable skill is actually #p图 the screenshot P-picture master of the square

(Friendly reminder: If you still incur losses after practicing the above skills, please silently recite: 'The bull market is coming, probably... in the next life?') 🚀🌗