只有自己才是最大的靠山

If fate is to make you, it must first destroy you, destroy you until you are abandoned by everyone, destroy you until you desire what you cannot have, destroy you until you doubt life, destroy you until you sink into despair, destroy you until you grit your teeth and reshape your will, from then on your heart becomes like iron, and no longer has soft spots.
People want to improve, want to climb higher, but in reality, there is a price to pay for that. However, this price is not the effort we think, like working hard or studying early, but rather that fate will crush you before truly achieving you. It kneads you into powder, reshaping you into a new clay. This is not a metaphorical experience of weathering storms; it is truly pressing you into the mud, pressing you down, and then seeing if you can rise again. Many people cannot endure this step, so they miss the chance to take the next step. I have seen some. Clearly very smart, very promising, yet ultimately wasted. Not because they did not work hard, but because after being struck by fate, they could not recover, they completely fell apart. That feeling of being destroyed is truly painful. You may not believe it or think it's exaggerated, but once you have experienced it, you will know that this regret is a tangible process. At the moment of being abandoned by everyone, you understand what being isolated and helpless means. You used to think the people around you were important, that having more friends made things easier, but later you will find that once you encounter trouble or feel down, those who said they supported you will quiet down one by one. It's not that they are bad; it's just that most people fear trouble and are used to staying away from risk. You think that emotions can withstand the pressure of reality, but once reality becomes heavy enough, emotions will shatter very quickly. The most painful thing is not being betrayed, but suddenly realizing that all along, you only had yourself. Others are willing to cheer when you are sailing smoothly, but will not lend you a hand when you are in the mud. At this moment, you will start to reassess the relationships between people. When your thoughts shift from 'Who can help me?' to 'I can't rely on anyone,' it's not that you have become cold, but rather that you have become clear-headed. Desiring what you cannot obtain is the harshest way to destroy a person's will. Fate is best at not directly depriving you, but dangling hope in front of you, only to let you hit a wall. You can see the goal, even feel that you are close to it, but just can't reach it. This feeling of being close yet out of reach can wear a person down. You work hard, you persist, you calculate. You stay up late, thinking you are doing well enough, yet you still can't get results. You start to doubt—did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Do I not deserve it? It's not that you are not working hard; you just want to control the outcome too much, but fate has to shatter this causal logic of yours. You think effort will yield rewards, but the world tells you otherwise. Gradually, it begins with insomnia, anxiety, and doubt about everything. This is not a sudden breakdown, but rather the result of long-term depletion. During the day, you can maintain a facade of normalcy, but at night, when you close your eyes, your mind fires like a machine gun, thinking of everything and fearing everything—fearing failure, fearing no way out, fearing that you really can't do it, fearing your parents' worry, fearing friends' contempt, fearing your own unwillingness yet feeling powerless. You don't want to admit that you can't hold on anymore, but your body knows. You start to suffer from insomnia, hair loss, dramatic weight loss or overeating, social anxiety, emotional explosions, and you begin to doubt everything you believed in, including yourself. The real low point is when you kneel on the ground crying without strength. For a moment, you may feel that life has no meaning. You're not being dramatic; you really don't want to continue holding on like this. You used to have some emotions, some anger, but now even anger is gone, leaving only a breath holding you up, expecting nothing from others. You want to be understood; you even hope no one asks how you've been lately because you really can't answer. Then you start to sink down, completely immersed in the valley, perhaps during a deep night, perhaps when you look at your bank account and see only a few hundred left, or perhaps when you get sick alone and no one knows. But when you go to the hospital, at that moment you understand that no one can save you. Yet, it is from this moment that you begin to repair yourself—not rebuilding life, but rebuilding yourself. You stop expecting others; you begin to shut down your emotions, and you start to focus only on direction. You no longer care how bad the process is; you begin to accept loneliness, accept setbacks, accept things going against your wishes, accept the impermanence of life. You put away your obsession with wanting to win and turn it into a bottom line of 'I cannot lose.' There are no miracles in between, no sudden turnarounds, no benefactor appearing. You grit your teeth and endure bit by bit, while feeling pain, working hard, collapsing, and repairing yourself. You finally learn that it’s not because you are strong that you can endure, but because you have no other choice; you must save yourself. Later, your heart becomes hard and calm; it's not that you have become indifferent, but you know that some things are not worth explaining, and some people are not worth pleasing. You no longer break down over trivial matters; you watch the drama with cold eyes and work silently. You know that the excitement belongs to others, while clarity is your own. You no longer have too many soft spots because the places that once hurt have already scarred over. You will not cry easily nor be moved easily. You are no longer so obsessed with results; you only care whether the direction is right! You begin to truly own a little that belongs to you, knowing that all of this is what you gained after being destroyed. Therefore, if fate truly wants to make you, it will not gently carry you to soar; it will definitely destroy you once, not to make you suffer, but to see if you have the qualifications, resilience, and mindset to bear it. The things you want, if you have endured, if you are still holding on now, then you must know that you are already on that path. Others may not see it, but fate has already begun to act on you. This is a test, and also a gift. Really, as long as you hold on, you will experience a rebirth.