It has happened. The Senate of the United States of America, where, I remind you, sit those very people who once couldn't tell TikTok from a Wi-Fi router, voted for the first major crypto law in history.
It is pompously called the GENIUS Act. Of course, because we are all geniuses when we pass off a dollar as innovation. The bill passed with a score of 68–30 and is now heading to the House of Representatives to… possibly be read before simply being signed. Or, as usual, not read at all.
What is GENIUS?
In theory, this is 'federal regulation of stablecoins'. In practice? A multi-page bureaucratic manifesto on how, where, and by whom the digital dollar should be printed, so we can continue pretending that we control inflation, which doesn't exist, except in real life.
Issuers now must:
• to hold dollar reserves 1:1 (because what could possibly go wrong if we just take their word for it?),
• to undergo audits,
• to report monthly, annually, on holidays, and at any change of the Lunar Phase,
• and, of course, not to be a TikTok with a 'wallet' feature.
And, please note: members of Congress are prohibited from issuing stablecoins. Wonderful! Except that the president can. Well, of course. All fair, all democratic.
Trump, crypto, and the silence of the lambs
If you thought GENIUS was about regulation and not politics, then I have news for you that rivals the reports from CoinDesk. The bill does not include a ban on the president and his family's participation in cryptocurrency investments.
And do you know who is already actively investing in stablecoins, DeFi, and NFTs with an eagle face and the signature 'Make Crypto Great Again'? That's right. The 45th president of the United States, now again the 47th. Melania is reportedly already thinking about creating the $FLAWLESS token. And who are we to interfere?
Why does all this feel like a circus?
Senators tell us that GENIUS will 'protect consumers', but you understand: if they really wanted to protect Americans, they would start with the tax office, then move to the Fed, and finish with Netflix with autoplay.
But now we will have a digital dollar with the government's seal. Almost like a dollar. Just digital. And, at the Treasury's will, it can disappear from your wallet if you suddenly post something offensive on X.
The show goes on
Now the ball is in the House of Representatives' court. Republicans promise to 'strengthen anti-corruption measures', which means they will probably just replace the word 'stablecoin' with 'freedom token' and call it a victory.
But the main thing is — GENIUS is passed. And that means that the United States government, which can't launch a healthcare website without crashing the servers, will now manage a high-tech crypto-financial system.
