Original title: the 10 types of crypto VCs you'll meet (and how to spot them) Original author: @therosieum Original translation: zhouzhou, BlockBeats
Editor’s note: This article satirically depicts 10 common types of crypto VCs, those who seem supportive but are actually self-serving. For example, they emphasize 'long-term holding' but sell off during market downturns; or recoup investments through 'marketing firms' and even force project teams to operate as they demand. The article emphasizes that true investors should possess technical capability, understand project vision, and provide value beyond capital.
The following is the original content (reorganized for easier reading):
In this industry, we have all dealt with VCs. Some are valuable, but most are not. Here is a guide to help you identify them in the wild and avoid them early.
Disclaimer: This article is satirical. Maybe. If you feel offended, you might belong to categories 1-9, and no VCs were harmed in the making of this article.
1. VC 'We don’t support airdrops'
They will preach about building 'real value', but the moment their allocation unlocks, they will immediately dump their tokens. What they really mean is: 'We don’t support you doing airdrops, but we're more than happy to take ours.' These people will talk to you about tokenomics while their portfolio has already shrunk by 80%. The first rule of the VC dumping club is: you do not talk about the VC dumping club.
2. VC 'Please work with my marketing company'
They invested $500,000 and now want to recoup that money by forcing you to hire their cousin's marketing company for $600,000. This marketing company has only three clients: you and two other investment firms under this VC. Their marketing strategy? Pay influencers who bought the same JPEG to tweet about it.
3 'VC Driven by Investment Theory'
They haven't updated their investment theory since 2021. Still talking about 'Web3 social' and 'metaverse infrastructure', but secretly Googling 'what is TEE technology' under the table while you present. However, if 'AI' is mentioned in your pitch, they will definitely invest.
4. 'Founder-friendly' 'ghost' VC
They will spend three weeks getting to know your project, asking you to fill out 17 forms to introduce you to their entire team, and then completely disappear when it's time to wire the funds. Six months later, they will congratulate you on Twitter for successfully raising capital from others.
5. VC 'I used to work at [insert traditional finance company]'
Joined the crypto industry in 2022 but won’t let you forget they once worked at Goldman Sachs. They may now be active on crypto Twitter but still live through their LinkedIn experiences. The only value they provide is 'professional email templates' and 'best practices for shareholder meetings'. They have never used a hardware wallet and are still asking what gas fees are.
6. 'FOMO VC who needs a reply within 24 hours'
They completely ignore your proposal for months until they see another VC talking about your space on Twitter. Suddenly, they appear in your DMs asking for an 'emergency call'. They will offer terrible terms and set a 24-hour explosive deadline. If you accept, they will still delay sending the relevant documents for three weeks.
7. 'We are long-term holders' paper hands
They watched Cathie Wood’s interview on CNBC once, where she said Bitcoin would rise to $1.5 million by 2030 – now they keep repeating they are 'long-term holders' and 'aligned with founders on a five-year vision'. But when faced with a 30% drop, they panic sell and blame you for 'uncontrollable market conditions'. Even so, they will still demand their board seat.
8. 'Thought Leader', but has done nothing
They have 50k followers, all accumulated by retweeting others' opinions. Their pinned tweet is about 'founder culture', despite having never actually created anything themselves. They will propose things like 'offering advice for 2% of your tokens'. Their advice usually is: 'Have you tried getting an anonymous Twitter influencer to talk about it?'
9. VC 'We usually don’t invest at such an early stage'
They will act like they are helping you by investing in the seed round, only to demand B-round treatment. You’ll need to provide daily updates, board control, and direct access to the development team. They’ll message you on Sunday night at 11 PM asking, 'Quick question – when can I buy a Lamborghini?'
10. Know the true builders of the industry
They ask the right technical questions and have been through multiple cycles. They won’t waste your time, and the value they provide goes beyond just capital. They understand your vision because they have struggled in this industry themselves.
They are like unicorns - you might think they don't exist, but when you find one, you will never go back to other types of investors.
Don't compromise on who gets to invest in your project. The right partner can determine your success, not changes like 'we'll decide to pivot to an AI-driven Web3 social layer for DeFi users in six months'.
'Original Link'
