I am in the amnesia stage now. I just finished the electrotherapy. I forgot a lot of things, including the name of the person I like. Painful things can never be erased from my mind. For example, my ex-girlfriend was labeled "Safe Entry and Exit" by another man at the end of 2004. I am in great pain now. The doctor suggested that I do electrotherapy every two weeks to relieve the pressure of severe depression and reduce suicidal tendencies. I have forgotten a lot of things now, but I remember the most painful things. I have been crying. I am crying now. I want to die.

My mind flashed back to the years when I was in debt of hundreds of millions and was politically persecuted by my creditors and was beaten in the detention center. I thought about being cyberbullied by the whole network and writing negative articles to insult me. I don't know how I survived? Maybe I have schizophrenia, and I have a lot of things in my mind every day, so I have a strong ability to withstand blows. I had electrotherapy today, and I forgot a lot of things. Now I only remember these most painful things in my mind. I am so upset now, and I want to die now.

I think of being arrested and sent to an Internet addiction treatment school when I was a child and was almost beaten to death. I think of being almost beaten to death by a swimming coach. Why can't I forget these painful things in my mind forever? I am so upset, I am really upset. I am very depressed now. I have never been so depressed in the past few years. I want to die now. I shouldn't do this. It makes my immune cells disappear. $ETH