The Fed just wrapped up its latest meeting—and honestly, the only thing rising faster than interest rates was Powell’s stress level when someone dared to mention a “soft landing.”
Wall Street traders: “No rate cut? Let’s rocket anyway!”
Powell, cool as ever: “Did I look unsure?”
Millennial homeowners: “Sooo... time to refinance?”
The Fed: “That’s a solid no.”
Market vibes right now:
Stocks – Serving main character energy
Bonds – Having a midlife identity crisis
Crypto – Partying like it’s late 2021
Gold – Calm, centered, possibly meditating
Recession – Still stuck in the waiting room, skimming a 2019 issue of The Economist
Powell’s press conference TL;DR:
“We’re taking the necessary steps.”
Translation: “We’re improvising with confidence and some colorful graphs.”
Let’s face it—FOMC meetings now feel like a mashup of Market Chaos Live, Decoding FedSpeak, and Gen Z Meets Wall Street.
See you at the next one—bring popcorn and maybe a macro-savvy therapist.