#FOMCMeeting
BREAKING: Fresh out of the latest Fed meeting — interest rates aren’t the only thing climbing. Word is, Jerome Powell nearly popped a vein when someone whispered “soft landing.”
Wall Street: “They held rates! To the moon we go!”
Powell: raises one stoic eyebrow “Did I say pivot?”
Millennials with mortgages: “So… can we refinance yet?”
The Fed: “Yeah, that’s a hard no.”
Market vibes right now:
Stocks: celebrating like it’s free money season
Bonds: having an existential crisis
Crypto: blasting #FOMCMeeting EDM and buying JPEgs$BTC
Gold: calm, unbothered, sipping chai
Recession: still chilling in the waiting room flipping through 2010 magazines
Powell’s press conference in a nutshell: “We’ll stay the course.”
Translation: “We’re guessing, but the charts look serious.”
At this point, every Fed meeting is just a live performance of economic anxiety.
Bring snacks. Maybe a therapist. See you next round.