#FOMCMeeting Breaking: The Federal Open Market Committee held its meeting, and the only thing that rose faster than interest rates was Jerome Powell's blood pressure when someone mentioned 'soft landing'.

Wall Street experts: 'Interest rates have stopped, oh dear!'

Powell: Raises an eyebrow: 'Did you stutter?'

Meanwhile, every millennial has a mortgage loan:

'Can I refinance now?'

The Federal Open Market Committee: 'That will be a no from us, my friend.'

Markets react as follows:

Stocks: Up

Bonds: Confusion

Cryptocurrencies: Celebrating as if it were 2021

Gold: Sipping tea

Recession: Waiting in the lobby as if it were a dentist appointment

Powell's official statement: 'We will do what we have to do.'

Translation: 'We are improvising with the charts.'

Honestly, the only constant in Federal Open Market Committee meetings is the panic and confusion, and a new generation learning the meaning of 'hawks'.

See you at the next meeting - bring popcorn and a therapist from an economist.