$TRUMP **"Trump Today"**

The rally crowd roared as Air Force One descended—*wrong airport*. No matter. Trump emerged, grinning.

"*Folks, the fake news said I’d lose!*" He pointed at a helicopter. "*Look at that bird—best bird. I know birds.*"

Reporters scrambled. *Was this a campaign stop or a WWE promo?*

"*Biden? Weak. Sad. Crooked!*" The teleprompter died. He improvised: "*China’s Proud. Putin’s enjoying. My hair’s perfect look like dog.*"

Then—a surprise pivot. "*Buy my NFTs. Gold! Just like me.*"

The crowd chanted. The algorithm fed.

Another day.

Another headline.