Freedonia faces a potential banana apocalypse as tiny island nation Bananagua strikes back with ‘Banana Sanctions.’
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In a surprising yet somehow inevitable turn of events, President Ronald Drumpf has declared a 35% tariff on bananas from the small island nation of Bananagua, arguing that Freedonian bananas should come first.
> “Folks, we’re bringing banana jobs back to Freedonia. No more foreign bananas stealing our potassium. Freedonia first. Banana first.”
The announcement immediately caused market panic, with banana stocks going wild, grocery stores witnessing early morning banana hoarding, and smoothie shop owners contemplating a life without their top-selling ingredient.
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Bananagua’s Response? ‘Banana Sanctions’ Against Freedonia
Rather than negotiate, Bananagua’s Prime Minister Javier Cortez took the boldest step imaginable—banning all banana exports to Freedonia.
> “You do not reject the banana,” he said sternly. “The banana rejects you.”
He then proceeded to dramatically peel a banana and eat it in total silence—a moment that is now being analyzed by political experts as either a power move or an avant-garde performance piece.
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The Fallout:
Grocery store madness – Shoppers rush to stockpile bananas, sparking a “Yellow Gold Rush” and bidding wars on eBay for premium Bananagua bananas.
Smoothie shop despair – Major chains warn that without bananas, they may be forced to replace them with mangoes, or worse… kale.
Minion Meltdown™ – Fans of the famous yellow characters stage peaceful banana protests, holding signs reading “Bananas or Bust.”
Northland wins again – The country quietly imports extra bananas and resells them to desperate Freedonians at “tariff-free” prices.
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The Great Banana Debate: Plantains vs. Bananas
Attempting to calm the situation, Drumpf offered an alternative:
> “Look, folks, we still have plantains. They’re just like bananas. Maybe even better.”
This statement only made things worse, as thousands of Freedonians frantically Googled, “What is a plantain?”
One Reddit user summarized the crisis best:
> “I just watched a grown man cry in the grocery store over the last banana. Society is on the brink.”
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As the Great Banana War of 2025 rages on, one question remains:
Can Freedonia truly survive without its favorite yellow fruit?
Or worse… will they be forced to eat plantains?
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Now, Freedonia can avoid any unnecessary international disputes while still enjoying its very own banana crisis!
