📢 Blockchain Group buys 580 BTC and invents KPIs like "BTC€ Gain"? Welcome to the new level of Excel Web3! 😂📉
Proudly announced: Blockchain Group now holds 620 BTC and has launched what can only be described as "the most crypto-corporate presentation of all time".
🪙 Summary:
– Bought 580 BTC for €47.3 million, averaging €81,550 each.
– Now they have a total of 620 BTC, equivalent to €50.5 million.
– And most importantly (hold on to this):
👉 They are adopting KPIs with names like "BTC Yield", "BTC Gain" and "BTC€ Gain".
🔎 Degenerate translation of the KPIs:
• BTC Yield: "Did it yield anything? No? Just call it yield anyway."
• BTC Gain: "Are we at a loss? Pretend holding is a success metric."
• BTC€ Gain: "Convert everything to euros to look more institutional."
📊 Corporate Web3 vibes be like:
🧑💼 "Our strategic plan focuses on intangible KPIs, volatility variables, and metrics that only make sense within the CFO's spreadsheet."
🎩 "It's about long-term vision. And storytelling with graphs."
🔥 But wait, it's serious:
They issued a bond to buy BTC...
In other words, they leveraged institutional money to cling to Satoshi with love and Excel.
A true use case of Bitcoin as a treasury asset – Europe version, with compliance and espresso. ☕
🧠 Moral of the story?
If you still measure success only by the price of BTC, you are outdated.
Now success comes with a KPI name in English, a nice spreadsheet, and an official note.
🧐 So, have you calculated your BTC€ Yield today or are you still HODLing without PowerPoint? Comment below, blockchain CFO! 😂👇
