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🚀🌕 Crypto Traders Discover "Portfolio Upgrade" Is Just FOMO-Driven Panic-Buying

In a shocking revelation, crypto enthusiasts realized their “portfolio upgrades” this week were actually just frenzied purchases of memecoins named after Elon Musk’s latest tweet. “I thought $WOOF2.0 was AI-powered,” confessed one trader, now staring at a chart resembling a cardiogram flatline. Meanwhile, Bitcoin dipped 30% because someone sneezed in Wyoming, and Solana briefly died (again) to protest its own existence. NFT collectors pivoted to “utility,” claiming their cartoon apes now double as Excel spreadsheets. Analysts advise: “HODL, but maybe mute CoinMarketCap alerts.” Remember, folks, in crypto, “diamond hands” just means refusing to admit you’re broke. *💎🙌