Oh, this is just magnificent! America is secretly populated by walking dead, and no one even suspects it! Thanks to a database listing people over the age of 150, it turns out that zombies not only exist but also legally receive pensions.
Imagine a morning in some cozy little town: the mailman delivers a check, and on the porch, he is greeted by a grandfather in a state of 'slightly decomposed.' He reaches out, his bones creak, and with a voice full of nostalgia, he mutters: 'Social services used to work better back in the day...'
Elon Musk, of course, couldn’t help but intervene. Perhaps his next mission after Mars is to reform the social security system for zombies. Imagine Neuralink implanted in a decomposing brain! Finally, the dead can like tweets about their afterlife.
And now it becomes clear why Americans love guns so much. They are simply preparing for the day when millions of officially registered dead will suddenly decide to come for their savings.