Some people have a weaker core and poorer subjectivity, making them easily led by others. It is essential to learn the 'broken record communication' method, grasp the essence, and continuously emphasize the core of what you want to express.
'Broken record communication' means treating yourself like a broken record. No matter what the other person says, you can stick to and reinforce your point of view.
Manuel J. Smith said in his book (Assertiveness): 'I am a broken record.' This method teaches you perseverance by calmly repeating your thoughts over and over again, allowing you to respond 'pleasantly' to others without having to practice how to argue or control your anger.
The effect after practice is: you can comfortably ignore others' manipulative verbal traps, well-reasoned bait, and irrelevant sophistry while maintaining your own viewpoint.
01
In the variety show (Goodbye, Lover), there was a classic segment where Yang Zi made Huang Shengyi drive for 7 hours while he slept beside her, but in the subsequent review, he kept finding various reasons to justify himself, claiming it was to fulfill Huang Shengyi's 'miracle moment,' and repeatedly expressed how he cared for her in daily life.
Faced with various sophistries, no one could say anything more; it was simply impossible to articulate the truth.
Huang Zhizhong suggests that in the face of such situations, everyone can try 'interruption method communication.' No matter what the other party says, you just need to respond with, 'But you made me drive for 7 hours.'
The interruption method is a form of 'gentle firmness.' It doesn't teach you how to argue but how to gracefully and effortlessly make all the other party's manipulative techniques hit a transparent wall.
Another classic example is when a certain cousin was arranged for a blind date during a family gathering.
Relative: 'Look at how old you are, why haven't you found a partner yet? Don't be too picky; women over thirty are worthless.'
Most people would say: 'I am not picky, I just haven't met the right one... Nowadays, women are very independent; you can't say that...'
This completely falls into the other party's debate framework about 'value.'
Cousin replied like this: 'Thank you for your concern, I know my own affairs.'
The first round sets the tone: no debate, no explanation.
Relative persistently: 'What do you know? Let me tell you, I know a particularly good young man, and I will arrange for you to meet him tomorrow!'
Most people would reply: 'I am not free tomorrow... I don't like blind dates...'
But this gives the other party a point of entry for arrangement and persuasion.
Cousin casually replied: 'I appreciate your good intentions, but I don't need to meet.'
The second round expresses the core position: refuse to be arranged.
Relative expresses some dissatisfaction: 'Why are you such an ungrateful child? We are all doing this for your own good!'
Most people would reply: 'How am I being ungrateful? You don't understand me at all!'
Once emotions are ignited, they become the wrong party.
Cousin's response to the interruption method remains calm: 'I know it's for my own good, but this matter is up to me to decide.'
The third round returns to the core position of 'I decide for myself.'
Throughout the process, she did not explain why she was not dating, did not argue about women's value, nor rebut the other party's assessment of her being 'ungrateful.'
She is just like a soft wall, always bouncing back to 'Thank you, but I will handle it myself,' rendering all the other party's 'concern' and 'accusations' ineffective.
02
The interruption method is not about abuse but can be used on those with strong controlling tendencies, who are impervious to reason and frequently disrupt your life, causing negative impacts.
So what kind of people like to 'manipulate' others? There are three characteristics to observe.
1) Good at changing the subject: Because of their assertiveness, they like to steer the conversation towards themselves or shift to areas they are adept in, or themes they truly want to express.
2) Using anger to coerce: They like to intimidate others with their force, knowing that most people fear contradictions, conflicts, and awkwardness, thus using this psychology to force the other party to yield.
3) Enjoy suppressing rebuttals: They like to blame and suppress others, causing the other party to doubt themselves, and then subtly introduce their own viewpoints and true intentions.
Why is the 'interruption method' so effective?
1) Take back control: The essence of communication is a struggle for framework. The interruption method helps you firmly maintain the framework of 'who I am and what I want,' without being led by others' 'evaluation frameworks' or 'emotional frameworks.'
2) Cut the emotional chain: Others manipulate you usually by triggering an emotional response through a verbal stimulus. The interruption method allows you to switch from 'light' to 'switch,' so you don't have to be controlled by others' emotions, rendering their provocations ineffective.
3) Reduce psychological loss: You don't need to rack your brains for the perfect rebuttal; just need to repeat like a tape recorder. This will help you maintain emotional stability and remain unruffled.
4) Establish an inviolable image: A person with clear boundaries, stable emotions, and who cannot be easily swayed will naturally exude an aura of 'not to be messed with,' thereby reducing attempts to manipulate them from the start.
03
But in fact, in daily life, we encounter strong controllers relatively infrequently; we encounter assertive people more often. Although they do not pose much negative impact on us, we always feel subtly manipulated by them. How should we face 'assertive' communication situations?
Remember these 5 principles:
1) You have the right to uphold your actions, thoughts, and feelings, and to be responsible for all resulting consequences: Emphasizing personal sovereignty and responsibility for one's own actions.
2) Stick to what you want to do without needing to explain: There is no need to explain or justify your choices to others; just ensure you believe it is right.
3) No need to feel guilty for not helping others: Don't feel guilty for not meeting others' expectations; everyone has their own limitations.
4) You have the right to change your mind: A person's thoughts can change, and there is no need to cling to past beliefs.
5) Engage with others without deliberately pleasing them: Interacting with others is about building good relationships, not about pleasing them.