$116 billion just materialized out of nowhere

and everyone’s acting like that’s normal.

Crypto isn’t a market.

It’s a magic trick for adults who never got over Pokémon cards.

Charts look like Tetris on acid.

Coins named after frogs and anime girls are up 600%.

And your Uber driver just said “This is just the beginning.”

The simulation printed money,

threw it in a blender,

and called it “market cap.”

You’re not investing.

You’re roleplaying in a digital casino

built by goblins who studied behavioral finance

and Mario Kart at the same time.

But go ahead.

Buy the dip.

Stake your soul.

And when Dogecoin becomes the new Federal Reserve,

don’t say we didn’t warn you.