I am a woman born in 1991. During my pregnancy in 2020, I frequently saw my cousin trading coins in my social media feed. At first, I thought it was an advertisement, but during a chat, I heard her say she made over 600,000 yuan trading coins, which made me very envious, so I opened an account too.
At first, I didn't touch contracts but bought a lot of altcoins. My cousin mainly traded Bitcoin, which had a high entry threshold and was very expensive, so I could only play around in altcoins.
After trading for more than a month, I made a few thousand yuan. It would have been better to stop then, but I didn't. After losing money, I studied contracts, hoping to quickly recover my losses, but unexpectedly, I got trapped. My cousin advised me not to mess around, to invest a bit of money and buy Bitcoin with her, repeatedly warning me not to touch contracts or altcoins, but I just wouldn't listen.
During that time, I watched the market every day, studying how to play contracts. I didn't know what coins I bought; prices kept falling. I felt the opportunity had come, and I was sure I would get rich. I invested 10,000 US dollars, opened a short position with 5x leverage. After opening the position, I thought I would make it big, but unexpectedly, it rebounded quickly, and I was wiped out. My account lost all 10,000 US dollars.
At that time, I had only 290,000 yuan in savings. When I suddenly lost over 70,000 yuan in cash, I felt terrible. I couldn't dare to tell my husband and couldn't accept losing so much money. I could only keep gambling. Another reason was seeing my cousin cashing out and leaving, which made me even more unwilling. She made money, and I lost money. If she were a bit generous and shared her profits with me, I might have quit gambling.
Later, I became bolder and continued to invest another 30,000 US dollars, starting to play cautiously. After more than a week, I recovered a bit, but not much. Investing a few hundred US dollars could earn a little, but once I scaled up, it seemed like everything I did went against me. When I shorted, it would rise; when I went long, it would drop. It felt like the market was always against me. Sometimes I even suspected that those market makers were watching my little savings, specifically coming to 'harvest' me.
Later, the losses kept increasing. In a moment of excitement, I leveraged more, always thinking of quickly recovering my losses. One day in August 2020, in just one afternoon, I received the liquidation message again. My savings were completely wiped out. Sitting on the sofa, I picked up my phone, and my hands couldn't help but tremble. I wanted to cry but couldn't because my husband was home. That feeling was truly unbearable.
I didn't confess; instead, I was afraid to play contracts because I heard another relative say she made tens of thousands of yuan from buying funds. I thought funds were stable and wouldn't lose too much, so I borrowed 150,000 yuan to play. After buying the funds, I faced daily losses of hundreds and thousands, completely different from what I had expected. I couldn't bear it anymore; I lost patience and redeemed all the funds, then went back to trading contracts. Those who haven't experienced it wouldn't understand that feeling. It's like someone who learns to trade contracts never wants to go back to stocks because it's too slow, and they lack the patience.
In May 2021, I unknowingly borrowed from over a dozen online loan platforms. One loan limit in the app was already 64,000 yuan. At this point, I owed 320,000 yuan, and I didn't want to hold on anymore. I could only pin my hopes on my husband. Because I had given birth, I thought he would just scold me a few times and wouldn't divorce me. Later, unsurprisingly, he really forgave me.
I owe 320,000 yuan. He borrowed money everywhere for me. My in-laws gave 120,000 yuan, and we managed to gather the rest. Actually, he has a decent income; he works in a government job and earns about 150,000 yuan a year. He told me that as long as I don't gamble anymore, things will definitely get better in the future. My husband usually just enjoys drinking a bit; he doesn't smoke or gamble. Occasionally, when we go shopping, I might spend a few tens of yuan on a scratch card just for fun. Sometimes I don't understand why I, as a woman, have such a strong gambling nature.
I am a housewife and don't need to work. My life is more comfortable than many others, but I haven't enjoyed it for long before my inner restlessness kicked in. I always feel insecure without money. I used to have hundreds of thousands in savings, earning a few yuan in interest every day from my balance treasure. I can't accept this huge gap. Despite this, I still insist on quitting gambling.
In 2022, my mother-in-law was idle at home. She suggested helping me take care of the child so I could go find a job. I hadn't worked since getting married. She might have just said it casually, but when I heard it, I felt particularly uncomfortable. I always felt she looked down on me, thinking I was eating for free at home. It was this comment that prompted me to gamble again because having no money really makes you feel looked down upon.
At first, I was afraid to gamble big, always starting with a few hundred dollars, making a little profit and immediately cashing out. Gradually, I became more daring, only accepting wins and not losses. If I lost a little, I would frantically leverage up, thinking that recovering those losses would make me feel much better. I've seen many submissions here; although I'm dealing with contracts, it's essentially the same as gambling, even more ruthless than theirs.
I also recovered a bit. When I shorted, I made 10,000 US dollars, and I thought about recovering all my savings. But winning is always temporary; winning for ten days isn't enough to cover an afternoon's losses. Every time I scaled up my leverage, it was either recovering or breaking even, and every time I placed a big bet, I got wiped out. I felt utterly powerless, but there was no way but to continue. This kind of cursed life lasted until August 2023. I kept using loans to pay loans, borrowing online loans to pay friends and then borrowing from friends to pay online loans, immediately borrowing again as soon as I put money in. I deeply regretted why I couldn't just enjoy good days and had to touch contracts. But what's the use of regret? Debts still have to be repaid! By December 2023, I couldn't borrow anymore. Relatives, friends, and online debts had reached 580,000 yuan. Online loan interest took away a lot of my money, and all the borrowed principal went to the market makers. I had already bought charcoal on Pinduoduo, planning to take my child and leave, but I never had the courage.
In this confession, my husband sat in the living room and gulped down a glass of liquor all at once. I had never seen him drink so fast and so much. After finishing, he told me, 'Let's get a divorce. I feel like you are beyond saving. Money is treated like nothing, and if this continues, we won't even be able to keep the house.' I agreed. All the problems stemmed from me, and I didn't expect him to help me pay off the debts. After that, we slept in separate rooms. After putting the child to sleep, I secretly went into his room, wanting to apologize to him in my own way.
The next day he went to work and didn't mention the divorce anymore. After a few days, he said he would give me one last chance. If I didn't cherish it, he would divorce me without hesitation. The house was bought for him by his mother after we got married. He wanted to sell the house to pay off debts and then use the provident fund to take out a loan to buy another one. Later, the house was put up for sale.
In April 2024, the house was sold for 850,000 yuan, and my debts were cleared. The remaining money he didn't give to me but kept in his own account. That card wasn't linked to Alipay or WeChat, nor did it have online banking. I knew his true intentions were to guard against me, afraid I would steal that money while he was asleep. If he didn't guard against me, it would be better. At least I would feel trust between us. But because he guarded against me, it made me think too much. Whenever I wanted to buy something, I had to report it to him. For example, if I wanted to buy hand cream, I would tell him how much it cost and then send him a screenshot. Only then would he transfer the relative amount to me. Although this kind of life is self-inflicted, it truly feels uncomfortable.
As a housewife, I don't demand to have all the savings given to me like before. At least I should have a few hundred yuan, right? But I had nothing. I had to ask him for money to buy groceries, cook, or order takeout. It felt like he was just giving me charity. I couldn't stand that kind of life. I didn't want to live like this. I felt like he didn't give me face, so I needed to earn my own face, which led me to download the trading app again.
But the result was the same: I kept losing. From then until the end of December last year, my debts reached a peak again, already at 610,000 yuan. During this period, I also borrowed 160,000 yuan from my parents for other reasons, which all went in. In reality, I lost at least 700,000 yuan. I couldn't confess anymore and could only take my child back to my hometown to confess to my parents, but they couldn't help me either.
I often said things out of anger and couldn't control myself. Afterwards, I thought about apologizing, but he no longer forgave me. So we went through with the divorce, and he ultimately left me.
Since the beginning of this year, I still haven't gone out to work, and my debts are overdue. I've locked myself in my room, afraid to go out and be seen by relatives and friends. My parents sigh about me; the cost of raising a child is too high, yet they have to bear it. Recently, I've thought a lot. Divorce and debt are already facts. I can only accept and face it. Last night, I discussed it with my parents. I decided to go out and earn money. If I have the ability, I will pay off my ex-husband's debts. If I don't, then so be it. If I encounter another love in the future, I will definitely cherish it.
I also regret listening to my cousin's advice and trading with peace of mind. Even if I lost, it wouldn't be much. Moreover, the Bitcoin I was too afraid to buy back then has skyrocketed in price. I've missed that opportunity and no longer dare to fantasize. In the remaining years of my life, I just hope to find a stable job and live a secure life.
