Welcome to "US Crypto Week" It's D.C.'s digital clown show, where politicians pretend to understand "web3" and the future of your meme coins hangs by a thread.
Get ready for:
* The CLARITY Act: They're trying to explain crypto to the SEC, which is like teaching a boomer TikTok dances. Good luck!
* The GENIUS Act: Our government wants to federalize stablecoins, because nothing says "innovation" like more bureaucracy.
* The Anti-CBDC Surveillance State Act: Because who needs Big Brother tracking your digital latte when you can track it yourself on the blockchain?
It's a full-on brainrot spectacle. Will crypto get its glow-up or another congressional rug-pull? Tune in for the chaos!