The FOMC just wrapped up, and the only#FOMCMeeting faster than interest rates was Jerome Powell’s blood pressure when someone mentioned a “soft landing.”
Wall Street bros: “Rates paused? We moon!”
Powell: raises eyebrow “Did I stutter?”
Every millennial with a mortgage: “So… can I refinance?”
FOMC: “That’s a hard no, champ.”
Market Mood Check:
• Stocks: Pumping
• Bonds: Confused
• Crypto: Partying like it’s 2021
• Gold: Calmly sipping tea
• Recession: Waiting in the lobby like it’s a dentist appointment
Powell’s official stance: “We’ll do what we gotta do.”
Translation: “We’re just winging it with some charts.”
At this point, the only consistent thing about FOMC meetings is the panic, mixed signals, and a fresh batch of traders Googling what “hawkish” means.
See you at the next meeting—bring popcorn and an emotional support economist.
