#FOMCMeeting Recap: Welcome to the “We Have No Idea What We’re Doing” Era

BREAKING: Jerome “No Chill” Powell just wrapped the latest FOMC flex, and guess what?

Interest rates went up faster than your rent.

And Powell? Dude hit DEFCON 2 the moment someone whispered “soft landing.”

Wall Street degen bros:
“Pause confirmed! Pack your bags, we’re mooning!” 🚀

Powell:
👀 “Did I stutter?”

Meanwhile, every millennial who bought a home in 2021:

“Hey uh… refinance?”
FOMC:
“Hard pass, champ.”

Market reactions?

Stocks: vibing like Powell just handed out stimulus checks

Bonds: looking around like they lost their keys

Crypto: tequila shots at 9am, yelling “WAGMI!”

Gold: chilling like your grandpa at a BBQ

Recession: still waiting in the hallway like it forgot its appointment

Powell’s official quote:

“We’ll do what we gotta do.”

Translation:

“We’re staring at charts, throwing darts, and hoping the economy doesn’t implode.”

At this point, FOMC meetings are basically live-action performance art.

Confusion? ✔️
Overreactions? ✔️
Boomers screaming “back in my day”? ✔️

See you at the next circus. Bring your popcorn.
And maybe a hedge. Or two.