"5 Crypto Mistakes I Made (So You Don’t Have To)"
Buckle up, degenerates! 🎢 I’ve taken every L in crypto so you can skip the trauma. Here’s my facepalm-worthy confession—packed with emojis and hard truths:
1. FOMO’d Into a Pump Like a 🤡Bought $DOGE at $0.70$0.70 because "it’s going to the moon!" 🌕 Spoiler: It cratered. Moral? If Twitter’s screaming "BUY NOW," you’re already late. 🚨 Wait for the dip or just meme about it.
2. Got Gas-Fee Mugged 💸Tried to swap 100 of $ETH woke up with 50 after fees. Plot twist: Ethereum’s a fee vampire 🧛♂️. Now? I use Layer 2s (Arbitrum, Optimism) or cry in a corner.
3. Fell for a Telegram "100X Gem" Scam 🎣Some random DM’d me "URGENT BUY!!!" 📢 I clicked. The token? Poof. 💨 Rule: If it’s not on CoinGecko, it’s a ghost chain. 👻
4. Diamond-Handed My Way to Poverty 💎🙌Held $SOL from $200$200 to $80$80 like "it’ll bounce back!" 📉 Newsflash: Greed turns gains into "I used to have money." Now? I take profits at 2x and party. 🍾
5. Left Crypto on FTX… RIP 💀"Not your keys, not your coins" wasn’t a meme—it was my eulogy. 🪦 Now? Hardware wallet or Metamask. Exchanges are for trading, not trust exercises.TL;DR: Crypto’s a circus 🎪—don’t be the clown. Learn from my dumpster fire 🔥