Humor

So, you finally bought that shiny new altcoin your friend’s cousin’s dog walker told you about. It had a catchy name, zero utility, and a logo that looked like a 2012 meme. But hey — it was up 400% last week, so it had to keep going up, right?
Welcome to crypto — where fundamentals are optional, memes are gospel, and the only real rule is: buy high, sell existential crisis.
Let’s be honest. You didn’t DYOR (do your own research). You YOLO’d into a Telegram group filled with rocket emojis and phrases like “$100 soon” and “Don’t miss this moonshot.” Next thing you know, your portfolio's redder than your uncle’s face at Thanksgiving when someone mentions taxes.
Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s doing what Bitcoin does best — moving sideways, stealing the spotlight, and casually reminding the market who’s boss. Ethereum is charging you $25 to approve a $4 transaction, and Solana... well, it’s working today, so we’re grateful.
Of course, we can't forget the influencers. They're tweeting from yachts (rented), dropping alpha (copy-pasted), and launching tokens with names like "PumpETH" and "ScamDAO" — which somehow still hit a $10 million market cap. Because in crypto, satire isn’t just humor — it’s a business model.
But don’t worry. You’ve learned your lesson. You’re going to research next time. Maybe read a whitepaper. Maybe even understand what a blockchain is. Or maybe... you’ll ape into the next dog-themed coin because it’s “early.”
Either way, welcome to crypto. Where fortunes are made, lost, and memed — all before breakfast.
Only follow me if you want mix of tears and laughter we gats be real

### **1. "Oops, I Threw Away a Hard Drive with 7,500 BTC"**
In 2013, British programmer **James Howells** accidentally tossed an old hard drive containing **7,500 Bitcoin** (worth over **$500M at peak**). He’s been begging his local government to let him dig up the landfill ever since—no luck.

### **2. The $600 Million Pizza**
In 2010, programmer **Laszlo Hanyecz** bought **two pizzas for 10,000 BTC**—now worth **~$600M**. This legendary deal is celebrated every May 22 as **"Bitcoin Pizza Day."**

### **3. Bitcoin Jesus → Bitcoin Judas**
Early Bitcoin evangelist **Roger Ver** was nicknamed **"Bitcoin Jesus"** for promoting crypto. But after he switched to Bitcoin Cash, the community rebranded him **"Bitcoin Judas."**

### **4. Dogecoin Was Created as a Joke in 2 Hours**
The meme coin **DOGE**, featuring the Shiba Inu dog, started as a **literal joke** in 2013. Then it hit an **$80B+ market cap**, and Elon Musk turned it into a cult.

### **5. "We Don’t Have a CEO, We Have a Chief Meme Officer"**
Some DeFi projects replaced CEOs with **CMOs (Chief Meme Officers)**—because in crypto, hype > hierarchy.

### **6. An NFT of Literally Nothing Sold for $22K**
An artist sold an NFT called **"Nothing"**—just a blank image—for **$22,000**. The buyer later flipped it for **$60,000**. Modern art?

### **7. "My Wallet Password Was… ‘password’"**
A guy lost access to **$240K in ETH** because his **seed phrase** (backup password) was just the word **"password."** Classic.

### **8. Russia’s "Kolobok" Token (The Crypto Fairy Tale)**
In 2021, Russia launched **"Kolobok" (KOLOBOK)**, a token named after a runaway pancake from a folk tale. It ran away from investors’ portfolios just as fast.

### **9. The "Bitcoin Killer" That Died First**
Dozens of coins claimed to be **"Bitcoin killers"**—like **Bitcoin Diamond (BCD)**, which dropped **99.9%** from its peak. Oops.

### **10. "I Bought Crypto Because Elon Tweeted"**
**Dogecoin** and **Bitcoin** prices have **surged or crashed** multiple times because of **Elon Musk’s tweets**. Once, he just tweeted **"#Bitcoin"**, and BTC pumped **20% in minutes**.

Crypto is a wild mix of **tech, gambling, and memes**—where you can get rich off **cat NFTs** (CryptoKitties) or lose everything by **sending coins to the wrong address**.

**Which fact blew your mind the most?** 😂🚀

—She: “You and your stupid NFTs!”

—He: “My NFT doesn’t yell at me every day!”

Love is volatile. But at least my tokens are mine.

Two friends meet. One says:
– Cryptocurrency is what I used to make my current fortune.

– Wow! And how much is your fortune now?
– Pre-infarction.
#humor