"The Great Binance Blunder: When Grandma Went Crypto"
Once upon a blockchain, in a quiet town where goats outnumbered people and Wi-Fi only worked when the wind blew east, there lived a tech-savvy 72-year-old woman named Grandma Gloria. She had conquered Candy Crush, hacked her own microwave to play Spotify, and once fixed a printer with chewing gum and raw determination. But one day, she discovered something far more dangerous than any of those things:
Binance.
It all started when her grandson, Timmy, showed her a meme that said:
"This dog made $10K on Binance. What’s your excuse?"
Gloria squinted at the screen and muttered, “If a dog can do it, so can I. I raised three kids on expired spaghetti sauce and rage.”
That evening, with her reading glasses, a cup of chamomile tea, and absolutely no idea what a "limit order" was, Gloria downloaded the Binance app.
Day 1: The Dogecoin Debacle
She found something called Dogecoin. It had a dog on it, so she clicked "Buy."
“Dogs are loyal,” she whispered. “This one better be too.”
She accidentally bought 14,000 Dogecoin. Then, she meant to sell half—but sold all of it instead… for Monopoly money. Or what looked like it.
Turns out, she had clicked on a new coin called “FluffyUnicorn420.” The logo was a glittery narwhal in a tuxedo. Grandma was intrigued.
Day 2: Binance Bloopers Continue
Now addicted, Gloria joined a Telegram group called “Crypto Kings & Meme Queens.” There, she learned her new motto:
“Buy high, sell when you cry.”
She YOLO’d into a coin called “BinancBucks” (a fan-made coin someone launched in a garage, probably while eating Doritos).
Meanwhile, Timmy walked in and asked, “Grandma, what’s that noise?”
“Shhh, I’m farming yield,” she snapped, headphones on, watching a tutorial hosted by a guy in sunglasses who only spoke in riddles.
Day 3: Glory, Glory, Binance-Lujah!
At 3 a.m., Gloria woke up screaming, “THE CHART IS MOONING!”
She had accidentally staked $50 in a DeFi pool and earned $2,000 in random tokens with names like “ElonToast” and “ShibaThug.”
She became a local legend.
People started calling her “The Crypto Granny.” She hosted Sunday classes at church titled “Decentralize Your Soul: Finding God in Gas Fees.”
She even minted her own NFT called “Holy HODL” — a pixelated image of her winking, holding a Bible in one hand and a hardware wallet in the other.
Moral of the Story: Never underestimate a grandma with internet access and zero fear of losing her pension on altcoins.
