Hello Binance, it's me again. I want to share my experience as a man who is over 30 years old. And what pleasant and unpleasant events awaited me and what I have achieved over my years. And since I'm writing all this nonsense while sitting in an office, and not standing on stage telling my stand-up, I decided to call this show a shttdown. Because there's going to be a lot of shit pouring out down of the pipes in this post...
So let's do it, my name is Kuwiat Jaen and I am over 30 years old (in short 30 lvl). Yes, I know what you're thinking, you might be, yes I am Asian and no I am not Muslim and I do not live in East Asia, not in Kuwait, not in Jordan, I am from Central Asia and this is not Afghanistan... And I don't know the (ISIL) office number... And I do not belong to participate in terrorist organizations or terrorist parties... And I don't know about the gunmen or other killers who redy to kill for money your neighbors, who get on your nerves. And I'm not from that Asia where they make sushi for breakfast and draw anime. I'm an ordinary guy with more of a European appearance, not a person who born with a beard, as is commonly believed in Central Asia. And my name is written only in French.
So let's continue about my life.
I wouldn’t say that I divide my life into any periods of life or even into segments. For me and I think as for everyone else, everything seems the same, I’ll even say more that my thinking hasn’t changed much since I was 10 years old. The only thing that has changed is the attitude towards myself, before I was burning with youthful maximalism for a long time and believed that I could do everything! Especially that I can turn this world upside down like Steve Jobs or Elon Musk. Well, now I’ve become lazy and the most I turn over is my sofa in search of the TV remote control. I work in a bank as an IT specialist in technical support. And like many IT specialists, my office in the building is located somewhere far away in the gray corner, like a dark booth from which minions jump out when something breaks and needs to be urgently fixed. And naturally because of such conditions. I, like many IT specialists, suffer from attention deficit. It's hard to understand the generation older than you or vice versa younger. If the first category is old grumblers and stuffy ones, who i am becoming now, then the second one is mostly sociopaths, who i have been since my teens. I have this feeling that we will soon become so lazy that we will communicate like h2d2 pe-pe-pe. Yes, it is difficult to understand us people, we are increasingly running away from society and at the same time we all cry into our pillows at night wondering why we are so lonely. And over my 30 years, I do this more and more often. Take my example I don't like to complain and this is not a complaint, just a retelling of the fact from my point of view, so don't think that I'm that old, who does nothing but whine about his problems. I generally consider myself positive! It's just, you know, it's hard to stay positive when you're getting elbowed in the liver outside a store, and this happens often. And in addition when people latently ignore you, then it is very noticeable and affects not only mental health as well as on physical health and then again, like a teenager, you run to cry into your pillow.
— Had a fight at work? Throw cry in my pillow.
— Had a fight with your family? Throw cry in my pillow.
— Spent money on some crap from AliExpress? Throw cry in my pillow. And so it goes all day and on every occasion, just like clockwork.
And I'm so already 37 years old and I have a family and a child, and I behave like a child myself, although who decides and judges how an adult should behave, and especially a man. I think we often wind ourselves up over this. We often want to be like others - a little luxury and a small circle of admirers. And that's the whole problem, because we often compare ourselves to others and set them as our example instead of being ourselves, although on the other hand this is also not the best option. Be yourself... Yes, how beautiful it sounds!... But for me it means remaining the same piece of shit that who I am right now, a lazy, indifferent person. And not being one means jumping back into this rat race and becoming depressed. And you begin to analyze yourself and your life in particular. And you see that some people your age already have a house, a car, but you still live with your parents and have nothing real behind you. Probably the midlife crisis is already starting and now a pillow won’t help. What kills me most are thoughts of unfulfilled dreams and goals. But since I was 14 I dreamed of becoming a rapper like Eminem and I thought that by the age of 30 I would have albums, and limousines, and fans with posters. And I remember how I looked at those people who were doing ordinary routine work, some of them were teachers, some were programmers... and I just didn’t understand them and sometimes looked with mockery at them as they were wasting their lives doing worthless work… Well, 23 years have passed... These "ordinary" people already have housing, a stable life, and I... I still recite the lyrics to all my tracks by heart and sing them in the shower. But I don't regret it, so it doesn't kill me too much. On the contrary, I'm glad that I didn't become one. Because I got to know the industry from the inside: singing the same song every day, for years, smiling at people when all you want to do is scream... It's a tough hell. For me it is equivalent to what others do on a regular work. And also: fame and popularity can play a very bad joke. You'll become a meme, a gossip hero, and every week people will knock on your door with stupid questions like: — "Is it true that you sniffed Dr. Dre's ass to get signed to the label? or is it true that Lady Gaga leads a secret BDSM society as a Mistress, and she drove you into anal slavery?" And someone will constantly invade my privacy, that's definitely not for me. So I chose the quieter path. Now I dream of creating something like video games, writing books, becoming an artist, maybe starting a blog or at least a normal meme... But more often than not, it's not inspiration that wins, but the bed and the TV series... And this same dream kills me more than the unrealized dream of the scene at the show. Yes, this road leads me into the abyss of despair and self-hatred which develops a feeling of worthlessness. Especially when you start thinking about life after thirty, it's like someone is playing a trailer for a depressing TV series in you: "Kuwait Jaen: The Story of One Missed Chance." (Sad voice acting, violin soundtrack.)
Well, that's what I'll say: fuck this. Yes! F🤥ck everything!...
One thing saves me! I have a family! A beautiful wife and a beloved son! And this is the greatest miracle that has happened in my life. But what I want to say is that the main thing at this age is to come to a great understanding of what you really want to do, Well, at least for me. Yes I stopped running around here-there, doing the useless work that I did before (although I still work in a bank) and decided to do what I really like. Yes, at that age my imagination and desire to do at least something, even if only for myself, were very well developed. And I think many will agree with this, that age is just a number and don’t take it as an omission, live according to your own wave. And if you want to do something, it’s never too late. Just do everything without under pressure and regret. The main thing is to just start loving yourself, It doesn't matter for what, but simply that you are alive and that you are healthy and that there are people nearby who love you and whom you love.
Thanks to everyone who read this post to the end... I hope this post inspired someone...
