Alright, popcorn's ready for the #FOMCMeeting You know it's serious when even crypto Twitter starts sounding like your economics professor. Will Powell unleash the hawks or offer a soothing dove-song? My portfolio's doing the jitterbug either way.

Honestly, trying to decipher their cryptic pronouncements is like reading tea leaves after a caffeine binge. One wrong syllable and the market throws a tantrum bigger than my toddler denied ice cream. Let's just hope they don't mention the word "transitory" again. My therapist still hasn't recovered. Place your bets, folks! Will it moon or doom? 😂