#FOMCMeeting
UPDATE
The Fed just wrapped, and let’s just say
the only thing rising faster than rates was Powell’s blood pressure when someone whispered “soft landing.”
Wall Street: “They held rates—we’re going to the moon!”
Powell (deadpan): “Did I mumble?”
Every millennial homeowner: “Sooo... time to refi?”
The Fed: “Hard pass, buddy.”
Market vibes rn:
Stocks: Feeling themselves
Bonds: Total identity crisis
Crypto: Partying like it’s 2021
Gold: Just chillin’
Recession: Waiting room. Old magazines. Existential dread.
Powell’s presser, summarized: “We’re doing what needs to be done.”
Translation: “We're guessing with graphs.”
Let’s be honest: FOMC meetings are now 1/3 market chaos, 1/3 Fed-speak decoding, 1/3 Gen Z googling “hawkish.”
See y’all next time—bring snacks and a therapist with a finance degree.