#USHouseMarketStructureDraft

BREAKING: The FOMC just wrapped up, and the only thing rising faster than interest rates was Jerome Powell’s blood pressure when someone dared say “soft landing.”

Wall Street bros: “Pause in rates? LFG, we moon!”

Powell: arches brow “You think I’m playing?”

Millennials with mortgages:

“Time to refinance?”

FOMC: “Yeah... that’s a hard pass, buddy.”

Market vibes right now:

Stocks: Launch sequence initiated

Bonds: Experiencing an identity crisis

Crypto: Throwing a rave like it's 2021

Gold: Calmly observing with a cup of tea

Recession: Still in the waiting room, thumbing through magazines

Powell’s official statement: “We’ll do what we have to do.”

Translation: “We’re making it up as we go—trust the charts.”

At this point, the only thing truly reliable about FOMC meetings? Mass confusion, financial whiplash, and another batch of newbies Googling “hawkish.”

See you next time—bring snacks and maybe an emotional support economist.