**“I’m Porto. Professional idiot.** The guy who microwaves spoons, loses arguments with pigeons, and thinks ‘Ctrl+Z’ works in real life. My brain? A carnival ride stuck on spin mode. I’ll try to fix your sink and flood the neighbor’s yard. Give me directions? I’ll end up in a cornfield. But here’s the thing: I’m *your* disaster. You’ll watch me fail, cringe, then laugh because *you’d* never be this… gloriously wrong. And guess what? I’ll out-stupid yesterday’s me every. Single. Time. So stick around—my dumpster fire’s warm, and honestly? You’re kinda jealous I don’t give a damn.”
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