That kind of feeling of the past can no longer be recaptured.

Being cautious, like walking on thin ice.

Every time I lose 500 or 1000, I feel distressed and pound my chest and stamp my feet, pinching my thigh and slapping myself.

With the courage of one who is ready to face death, I go all in at the position, and even swallowing my saliva makes me hear the pounding of my own heartbeat.

Having one meal and not knowing when the next will come, I am numb from the losses and dare not tell anyone outside. Looking at my phone for the loan repayment reminder, the U I have in hand is only enough to repay one of this month's loans, and everything will end with this deal.