In the first 8 minutes, it's a sure win for the last 2 minutes, damn it, I'll just give it to you.

Since last May, I have lost more than 100,000 combined from contracts and event contracts. Initially, I wanted to make money and play this game. They all said I would earn a little first and then lose. I never made even 10,000 at the beginning and ended up losing more than 100,000. Am I not unwilling? There's no anger anymore, just numbness. I feel like this has taught me a lesson. I still have some money with my family and girlfriend; if it were all with me, it would be zero. I feel a bit deranged. I could lose even more. I want to break even but don't expect to. I want to stay away, but honestly, even if I break even, I might want to continue playing. Perhaps this is human nature. Quietly withdrawing and returning to real life is what’s true. I know this is wrong but will still continue. Occasionally, I look at what I've written and some who have had similar experiences, slowly waking myself up.