You might not believe it, but I made 30 million trading cryptocurrencies, and I haven't told anyone about it, including my wife.

I was born in a rural area, my academic performance was poor, and I dropped out of school at a young age to work in a big city. In 2007, I started learning to be a chef, and at that time my salary was only 800 yuan. I had a girlfriend then; she was a college student from Wenzhou and a distant niece of a restaurant owner, who came out to work during the summer to gain social experience. She was decent-looking, but not very well-endowed. During our relationship, I felt a deep sense of inferiority due to the wealth gap. I clearly remember that the restaurant owner drove a black Audi A6, and at that time, I thought to myself, if I could drive an Audi in this lifetime, I would be satisfied. When summer ended, my girlfriend had to return to school, and we broke up. As we parted, she said to me in the dormitory, 'Your kissing skills are really not that great.' At that moment, I made a silent vow to work hard to earn money so that when we met again after a long time, I could confidently say, 'Long time no see.'

In 2015, I went astray and was led by an old hand to participate in a funding scheme, resulting in a complete disaster. However, this experience also made me clearly realize three points: the internet has vast potential, self-media has limitless possibilities, and the cryptocurrency sector contains enormous opportunities. Sure enough, with a bit of cleverness, I first made some money in the trading world, and later during the pandemic year, I accurately bottomed out Ethereum with 1.5 million, making nearly 20 million in profits. Wealth came suddenly, and I began to feel euphoric. My partners and I frequently visited high-end clubs, living a life filled with lights and wine, playing various games with entertainers, with all expenses covered by me. People rely on appearances; in front of my subordinates, I appeared to be a figure of high society. When buying a car, I even had an interaction with the salesgirl. She saw that I was young and wealthy, saying I reminded her of her first love. I understood in my heart that she probably said that to many people, but what did it matter? In the adult world, it's normal to tell little white lies occasionally. We spent some time together, and I spent hundreds of thousands on her. Every time we were together felt like being a thief, fearing that her husband would find out. Gradually, I grew a bit tired and proposed breaking up. We didn't argue; we quietly went our separate ways and stopped contacting each other. On the surface, I seemed frivolous and carefree, but inside, I felt incredibly lonely, yearning for true love. I felt that wealth was like a curse; I had it but lost love.

Like many others, after making money, I became addicted to gambling (contract trading). Life felt like a parabola; I had experienced the peak, and it seemed that my good luck had run out. After that, I suffered consecutive liquidations, and I drowned my sorrows in alcohol every day, suffering from insomnia. At night, I stared at the market, trading contracts, feeling as if the market makers were watching me; when I went long, it dropped, and when I went short, it rose. I was unwilling to admit defeat, stubborn as a mule. After each liquidation, I could only seek a moment of peace and pleasure through self-indulgence, and afterward, I felt like a deflated balloon. Day after day, my health deteriorated as well. When my family found out I had gone bankrupt trading cryptocurrencies, they all advised me to give up, saying I wasn't young anymore, that I should find a wife and live a good life. Later, through a relative's introduction, I got married. My wife was a down-to-earth person, plain-looking, the kind who knows how to manage life. To be honest, I had some disdain for her deep down, but she treated me well and even gave me a son.

I was not happy after marriage. Due to my earlier indulgent lifestyle, I developed issues with my sexual function. Worse still, I was secretly trading contracts again. When I ran out of money, I borrowed from friends. Those younger brothers who knew I was broke started avoiding me; at that moment, I realized the true nature of humanity. I secretly vowed to get everything I had lost back. If I couldn't borrow from friends, I turned to relatives; if relatives couldn't lend me money, I sought loans. If I couldn't borrow 10,000, I borrowed 1,000; if I couldn't get 1,000, I borrowed 500. To get money, I would stop at nothing, lying through my teeth, deceiving others and myself. Countless times I thought this would be my last shot, but each time it ended in liquidation. My gambling addiction was too strong; trading spot commodities didn't satisfy me at all, and even if I made money, it felt pointless. Burdened with debt, how could I expect to turn my life around? With no money, everyone looked down on me. When I went to my father-in-law's house, my mother-in-law wouldn't even come out of her room. While drinking, my brother-in-law mocked me coldly, showing me no respect. Just because my son broke a bowl, he scolded the child as a 'little beast.' I was infuriated and nearly flipped the table, but my wife hurried over to stop me. Seeing the tears on her cheeks, her cheap makeup running, my heart felt like it was being cut by a knife.

I was simply a beast; when my mother was sick and hospitalized, I didn't dare to visit because I couldn't afford the hospital fees. I even hid it from my wife and used the money from my son's insurance to trade contracts; that money was intended for my wife to save while working part-time at a supermarket for our child's education. Other children could attend good kindergartens, while mine could only rely on government aid for impoverished students. One night, my wife discovered that I had misappropriated our child's insurance money and cried and fussed all night, wanting a divorce, to which I agreed. In fact, I had long given up on myself and had thought about divorce, not wanting to burden my family. But the next morning, my wife, as usual, made breakfast for me before going to work, not mentioning the divorce at all, forgiving me once again. As I ate the eggs for breakfast, the yolk choked me, bringing tears to my eyes. One day, my son ran over to me and said, 'Dad, my birthday is coming soon.' 'Dad knows,' I replied. In fact, I didn't remember when my child's birthday was at all. 'Can you buy me a racing track toy? Zhang Boxuan has one; I asked, and it doesn't cost much...' Yes, my son is already 5 years old, and I haven't given him a gift. The words 'it doesn't cost much' deeply hurt me; my son knew I had no money and feared rejection, so he only dared to ask for cheap gifts, being so sensible it was painful.

I fell completely into madness, sinking deeper and deeper into despair. I made countless vows to stop trading cryptocurrencies, but it was like a dog can't stop eating shit. I sold my only valuable Alienware computer for more than 6,000 yuan. I had bought that computer for over 40,000 yuan when I had money, and I planned to use this money to place a big bet one last time! Late at night, I lay in bed analyzing the cryptocurrency market. At that time, the prices were skyrocketing, with Bitcoin reaching 110,000 USD; it felt like I was going crazy. I thought, how much higher could it go? There is an old saying in the crypto world, 'When others are greedy, I am fearful'; one must think inversely. Based on years of experience, I predicted that the price would plummet that night. I took a deep drag from a cigarette and chose to short Bitcoin—let's do it! But at the moment I opened the position, Bitcoin started to rally, which was quite bizarre. Then, the price continued to soar. When my position was down to 50%, my hand holding the cigarette had already begun to tremble. Then Bitcoin rose again, reaching 120,000 USD, as if it had taken a stimulant. With my position down to 20%, I was on the brink of liquidation. If I had changed direction to go long at that moment, what happened next wouldn't have happened, but I refused to back down and continued to stubbornly hold on! I opened some questionable videos seeking a moment of relaxation, and after that, I opened the exchange, and ultimately, I was liquidated! At that moment, I was completely devastated, slowly getting up, grabbing a bottle of white liquor from the fridge, and heading to the rooftop.

I was on the rooftop drinking, smoking, reflecting on this utterly miserable life—children, wife, family, everything was such a failure. After finishing my last cigarette, I flicked the butt into the air and cursed, 'Fuck you!' Fuck you, Satoshi Nakamoto! Fuck you, blockchain! May there be no Bitcoin in heaven! I leaped off. During the rapid descent, I saw the bright moon above and countless stars, suddenly remembering lying carefree on a haystack as a child, counting stars, wondering when I could grow up and leave my hometown... How wonderful it would be to go back to the past! As I was about to hit the ground, I saw street vendors packing up their stalls, the owner organizing tables and chairs, the owner's wife counting money with a big smile, and their children sleeping soundly on the tricycle... Perhaps this is a simple, ordinary, yet happy life! Then I heard a 'bang,' like a bag of rotten mud falling from a height, muffled. I felt as if my head had crashed into my butt! Strangely, I felt no pain, just a dull ache in my bladder and some discomfort in my urethra. I suddenly woke up, feeling my back, my clothes soaked with sweat... Damn it, it turned out to be just a nightmare, waking up from being too full of pee.

(Reposted story)