Sure! Here's a paraphrased version with the same humor and tone:

$OM is like that wild ex who texts at 2AM — flaky, unpredictable, and way too exciting.

One moment she's ghosting you, the next she’s shouting “WE’RE GOING TO THE MOON!” while emptying your wallet.

You (calm, analytical): “Let’s talk about RSI and market structure…”

$OM (doing shots): “NERD!” — then cannonballs straight through resistance.

Try to walk away? She DCA’s into your notifications.

Try commitment? She rug-pulls your life plans.

💔Crypto Relationship Tips:

Don’t check her chart after midnight.

That "support line" is your last therapy session.

Stop-loss? That’s your prenup — you’ll ignore it anyway.

⚠️ Side effects may include:

🚀 Rapid gains

😵‍💫 Emotional chaos

🤯 Identity crisis

Usually all at once.

Want it toned down or made even more savage?

$OM