Sure! Here's a paraphrased version with the same humor and tone:
$OM is like that wild ex who texts at 2AM — flaky, unpredictable, and way too exciting.
One moment she's ghosting you, the next she’s shouting “WE’RE GOING TO THE MOON!” while emptying your wallet.
You (calm, analytical): “Let’s talk about RSI and market structure…”
$OM (doing shots): “NERD!” — then cannonballs straight through resistance.
Try to walk away? She DCA’s into your notifications.
Try commitment? She rug-pulls your life plans.
💔Crypto Relationship Tips:
Don’t check her chart after midnight.
That "support line" is your last therapy session.
Stop-loss? That’s your prenup — you’ll ignore it anyway.
⚠️ Side effects may include:
🚀 Rapid gains
😵💫 Emotional chaos
🤯 Identity crisis
Usually all at once.
Want it toned down or made even more savage?
