Large level, try low leverage

I'm really吐了, is this really playing with me? Every time I buy when it goes up, it goes down; when I buy when it goes down, it goes up. When I hold my position while buying on the way up, it just keeps going down; when I buy on the way down, it goes up even while I hold. Then I feel like, forget it, I'll just sell, and it immediately crashes. I'm really吐了🤮. Does this thing really have consciousness to play with me? It shouldn't be like this, my luck is just too good, right? This is crazy. It's toxic; do I really have to be forced out of this? I should hit it once when buying big or small. This guy just keeps messing with me.