I often receive friends' confessions, mostly about questions like why is it so hard to earn money? What should I do in the future? Why is my boss like this? Why can’t I do well despite working so hard? I can’t sleep well every day. I feel anxious, what should I do? These kinds of issues.
The solution to a problem is definitely not found within the problem itself. Complaining around the problem will ultimately yield nothing.
I will talk about how I do not engage in internal conflict; the conclusion is to be myself.
Nowadays, many people say they want to be themselves, but no one has ever explained how to do it.
I myself belong to the ADHD group, and some behavioral expressions may differ, so people around me may find me a very strange person, while some find me quite interesting.
I will talk about how I engage with the world while being myself, sharing a few small stories.
I occasionally go out with a friend to meet people. She knows I'm bored and sometimes takes me to meet her boss, showing me the office and corporate culture. When she introduces me, she says, 'He is someone who often speaks the truth.' She often advises me not to be so straightforward. I said, 'My words never contain personal emotions; I just state the facts.' I asked her why she always wants to chat with me since my speaking isn't pleasant; she said it doesn't matter, we are good friends, and she seems to understand me.
When I go out with friends and meet their friends, many people think I am very naive, and this is true; my friends have told me. Some say I am poor, while others say I look foolish. After a few boring dinners, I stopped going out with friends' friends. If they bring someone I don't know and there's no benefit for me, I won't go.
People close to me describe me as stingy and miserly. This is what that girl who often takes me to meet her boss told me.
The reason they think this way is simply because I am being myself, while they are not being themselves.
For example, when someone asks to borrow money but cannot, they will say I am stingy and miserly. They won't objectively say, 'I asked him for money, and I need money now, but I couldn’t get any.' Master Huang told me this is called 'disgust projection.' They transform their disgust into a beneficial logic for themselves, projecting that it is all someone else's fault. He told me this, and I don't care; it all fits my standards of being myself, so why should I be unhappy and engage in internal conflict?
I have three standards that resolve all my dilemmas and internal conflicts. First, I don't care how others think. Second, I consider whether I want to do it. Third, I check if I can do it.
People are treated differently because of the temperament they radiate, regardless of whether that temperament is genuine or fabricated.
A rogue who is just messing around dares to treat you however, but whether he is drunk or not, believe it or not, he dares not treat the police this way.
We need to understand that most people do not treat everyone equally; they treat others based on their temperament projections.
A girl said to me, 'You must be tricked out of money by women.' She said I looked very naive. When she said this, I realized I had actually encountered this before. Suddenly, three women became very enthusiastic towards me, continuously liking and commenting on my social media posts, inviting me for milk tea. A few days later, one asked to borrow 400,000, another 80,000, and another 180,000. I asked if they usually borrowed so much money. One replied, 'I lend people 1 million or 2 million. Isn’t that normal? Friends should help each other, right? If you don’t trust me, I can write you an IOU. Asking for such a small amount, you are just being stingy.' I let her say whatever she wanted and never replied again.
When I talk about this with my friends, they say that in all their lives, they have never been borrowed money from a woman like this. It's actually quite simple: it's because you may look easy to deceive, and they think you're a nice, honest person, making you easy to fool.
The things that girls say to me are actually them being themselves. If it were someone else, they would definitely not say such things, so I filtered them out of my world. I don’t disguise myself; instead, I remove all their disguises. First, I don’t care how they think or say. Second, I don't want to borrow. Third, I can't do it. None of these criteria fit, so I won't do this. Why should I engage in internal conflict? Some people will struggle, borrowing less, and if they don't borrow, they will hate themselves later, or they will ignore you, and your reputation will suffer. I said it wrong; no matter what you do, surrounding yourself with others is internal conflict.
But if I disguise myself for my desires, packaging myself carefully, I know they will also carefully package themselves and won't dare to come to me with ridiculous money-borrowing requests. I could also deceive, but I would lose my standard for judging myself. I might then entangle myself with people on different frequencies and consume myself, which would definitely lead to internal conflict.
When my friends are dating, they will open and close the door for the other party, cover their head to avoid bumping it, help them with food, and no matter the distance, they will drive them around. But now they are not doing well; they divorce and split assets as if they are fighting. When it's time to argue, they will argue. Thus, everyone removes their disguise and becomes the disgusting person they see in each other, and all the beauty fades away. The care and affection once shared become the cost of their disguise and calculation. So why not just be yourself from the beginning?
I once ran an e-commerce company, and because of profit sharing, dissatisfaction began to arise among employees. Some said I changed and started wanting to take their shipping fees; others said I shouldn't raise product prices, and some said I just wanted to earn their money and was no longer progressive.
I raised three hypothetical questions: If today you earn 300 yuan a day and your cost increases by ten yuan, will you still care? If today's profit split is 70-30, and you cover 70% of the shipping and labor costs, will you still care? If we earn 100,000 a day, with all shop ownership in my hands and a contract in hand, and I say you must bear your own shipping losses, you would be happier because you can earn 30,000 a day, and that little extra money won’t even be noticeable. Will you still care?
The root cause is simply a single issue: the business went from very good to average, from making 10,000 to making 2,000 yuan. Your income has decreased, and you feel that I am taking an unfair share. It's not about shipping costs or product price increases. Later I said I could reduce these extra costs, but in the end, the employees were still not satisfied. I knew they just wanted to set up their own businesses and earn more. So the problem was solved. I started being myself, while they initially did not, only changing their strategy towards me just to make money. But I don't blame anyone; this is a human rule that does not change with will. Once you see the rule and can't do it yourself, there is no need for internal conflict. You don't need to care about how friends perceive you. Those who engage in internal conflict think about changing themselves to please others. Rest assured, you will never achieve a perfect score in others' eyes.
As long as the benefits are big enough, everyone will be themselves. Because the cost of continuing to disguise oneself is too high.
When I first started in e-commerce, my partner often manipulated me, saying that if I packed like this, I shouldn't expect a salary of 2,000 yuan. He would tell me to practice more if my packages weren't neat. If anything was not to his liking, he would start nitpicking. He always treated me like I was simple-minded and easy to manipulate. But I observed that he was polite and respectful to everyone else, giving them face. His behavior of being himself ultimately led to increasing disagreements as the stakes grew. I had to filter him out because I knew it wouldn't go far. I just don't like working with someone who constantly nitpicks. My only goal is to make money, and anything that affects earning more has to be eliminated.
I am someone who needs others to recognize my value. Such people will give me infinite energy, and I can definitely do better. I do not need a partner who endlessly suppresses me. When values differ, active isolation is a good strategy to avoid internal conflict.
Ye Sangxi is an expert at chasing girls; he has dated dozens of girls, and I really think he’s impressive.
The theories he shared with me about picking up girls are things I can't implement. To me, it's all about disguising oneself and consuming oneself.
When I look for a girl to be my wife, there's only one criterion: does she reason? Other factors like looks, where she's from, education, or work don't count as conditions for me. This single standard solves all life's problems. Don't think there are many people who reason; there are too few. Generally, women will say, who wants to reason with you? Everyone understands the big principles; why do you need to preach? Just comfort her. Anyone who says such things is definitely engaged in internal conflict, both self-consuming and consuming others.
If I were to seek a girlfriend for sexual resources like Ye Sangxi, if the other party requires me to pay, I would pay what I think is a reasonable price and emotional premium. If I still feel that what I paid is not enough and they want to consume me, my strategy is to switch partners immediately. There is no need to struggle with internal conflicts. Ye Sangxi always criticizes me for this; I should learn this skill from him, but I say it's too exhausting. For a little sexual resource, you've become who others see you as.
Now Ye Sangxi complains to me daily about the difficulties of life. I tell him to find a girl, and he says he's lost interest and only wants to make money. It seems he can no longer return to a life without internal conflict.
I have another friend who often says I have low emotional intelligence. However, I, as a person with low emotional intelligence, never consume myself. I choose to specifically consume others. If others don’t change, I keep my distance. I treat everyone this way, including my parents and family. I never change, while those with high emotional intelligence appear smooth and adaptable, seeming to thrive, but in reality, they consume too much of their true selves in the mundane world. Their life force is drained too early. Before reaching a state of understanding, they are already bald, giving their most precious attention to those who, even at different frequencies, forcefully try to align with them. This kind of life is filled with internal conflict.
