Barry "Diamond Hands" Peterson wasn't your typical financial guru. His office wasn't a gleaming high-rise; it was his mom's basement, perpetually smelling faintly of stale pizza and unfulfilled dreams. His trading strategy wasn't based on intricate algorithms or economic indicators; it was based on gut feelings, anonymous Twitter "alpha calls," and a profound, almost spiritual belief that "number go up."
One Tuesday, after a particularly potent energy drink and a late-night Reddit binge, Barry was convinced he'd found the next big thing: "KittyCoin." It was a token supposedly backed by rare, digital cat NFTs, and its whitepaper was a masterpiece of lorem ipsum and vaguely futuristic buzzwords. Barry, however, saw only one thing: the moon.
He poured his life savings – a princely sum acquired from birthday money and a brief, ill-fated venture into dog walking – into KittyCoin. The next morning, he woke up to a notification that made his heart pound like a drum solo: KittyCoin was up 500%! He danced around the basement, tripping over a discarded pizza box, shouting, "To the moon, Alice! To the moon!" (He wasn't sure who Alice was, but it felt right.)
He resisted the urge to sell. "Diamond hands!" he chanted, flexing his scrawny biceps. "True believers hold!"
The following day, KittyCoin plummeted. Not a dip, not a correction, but a full-blown Mariana Trench dive. Barry watched, horrified, as his portfolio evaporated faster than a spilled latte on a hot Dhaka pavement. He tried to panic-sell, but the app just laughed at him, displaying an error message about "insufficient moon-dust for transaction."
His mom, hearing the faint wails from the basement, eventually ventured down. She found Barry staring blankly at his screen, a single tear tracing a path through a week-old Cheeto dust mustache.
"Barry," she said gently, "are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost... or a particularly sad internet cat."
Barry slowly turned to her, his eyes wide with a newfound, painful wisdom. "Mom," he whispered, "I think... I think the cats ate the moon."
His mom sighed. "Well, dear, at least you learned something. Maybe next time, try investing in something tangible. Like, say, a good night's sleep."
Barry just nodded, still trying to reconcile the image of pixelated felines devouring a celestial body. From that day on, Barry "Diamond Hands" Peterson became Barry "Slightly More Cautious" Peterson, though he still occasionally checked his KittyCoin balance, just in case the cats decided to return the moon.
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