1. "The Bitcoin Diet Plan"

Lost 50 pounds this year — not from keto, just from stress-eating ramen during the May 2024 crash.

2. "The Crypto Nostradamus Award"

Given to anyone who tweets “This is good for Bitcoin” during a 30% market crash.

3. "Blockchain Marriage Counseling"

Wife says: “You never listen!”

Husband replies: “Actually, I run a full node.”

4. "The Real Lightning Network"

What Bitcoiners call those 3am panic sweats during market dips.

5. "The Crypto Genie Problem"

You get 3 wishes, but:

You have to pay gas fees in ETH

There can only ever be 21 million wishes

Your last wish gets stolen by a trading bot