Another restless night has passed, and I still couldn't fall asleep. It seems that staying up late comes so naturally yet painfully to me.
Recently, I've produced very little. It's not that I lack thoughts; it's just that—I'm lazy.
It's not a physical laziness, but a mental one. Perhaps it's because my inner self hasn't 'grown up' yet. Or maybe I'm just avoiding it.
The past four months of 2025 have been a painful process filled with doubt and numbness. I always find myself lingering in the past, wandering aimlessly. They all say this is irresponsible. To myself, to my family, to relationships.
Yes, I haven't even taken the time to love myself properly again. Being willful is my label. Gradually, I don't know how to love anymore. Little by little, I'm lost and immersed in the deep darkness within...
So? When I experience such moments again, I choose to become a boy once more, to learn how to be that damned man.
Compared to the gains and losses of external things, the inner loss and loneliness are even more debilitating. My slow reactions, my broken heart, and my lost faith all need to be rebuilt over time. When you lose everything.
The sunlight of the sunrise shines on my palm; all of this should come to an end. Because a new day has begun.