#FOMCMeeting UPDATE
The Fed just wrapped their latest meeting—and let’s be real, the only thing rising faster than interest rates was Powell’s heart rate when someone dared say “soft landing.”
Wall Street traders: “No rate cut? To the moon!”
Powell, stone-faced: “Was I unclear?”
Millennial homeowners: “Is now a good time to refinance?”
The Fed: “In this economy? Absolutely not.”
Current market vibe check:
Stocks: Walking with main character energy
Bonds: Deep in an existential crisis
Crypto: Partying like it’s 2021 all over again
Gold: Meditating through the chaos
Recession: Still in the waiting room, flipping through 2019’s Economist
Powell’s press conference in a nutshell:
“We’re doing what’s necessary.”
Translation: “We’ve got charts, vibes, and a prayer.”
At this point, FOMC meetings feel like a crossover of Survivor: Wall Street, FedSpeak: Advanced Level, and Gen Z Meets Macro.
Catch you at the next one—bring popcorn and a financial therapist.