The Fed just wrapped up its latest meeting—and let’s be real, the only thing rising faster than interest rates was Powell’s stress level when someone mentioned a “soft landing.”
Wall Street traders were like, “No rate cut? Let’s go—moon time!”
Meanwhile, Powell stayed stone-faced: “Did I say we were cutting?”
Millennial homeowners nervously asked, “Should we refinance now?”
The Fed replied: “Absolutely not.”
Current market vibes:
Stocks: Acting like they run the show
Bonds: Going through an existential crisis
Crypto: Partying like it’s 2021 again
Gold: Calm and collected
Recession: Still chilling in the waiting room, skimming old magazines
As for Powell’s press conference:
“We’re taking necessary action.”
Translation? “We’re making it up as we go—with graphs.”
Let’s be honest—FOMC meetings now feel like a mash-up of financial drama, Fed lingo, and Gen Z memes colliding with Wall Street tradition.
See you at the next one—don’t forget the popcorn and maybe a macroeconomics-savvy therapist.
Want this in a more formal tone or still keeping the humor?
