and let’s be real—Jerome Powell’s stress levels are probably spiking harder than my coffee intake during tax season. Interest rates? Still climbing. Soft landing? More like a “hope we don’t crash” vibe.
Wall Street bros: “No rate cut? Stonks go brrr!”
Powell, sipping his chamomile tea: “Y’all heard me the first time.”
Me, staring at my mortgage: “So, like, can I refinance yet?”
The Fed: “Lol, nope.”
Market vibes right now:
• Stocks: Strutting like they’re on a catwalk.
• Bonds: Having an existential crisis in the group chat.
• Crypto: Partying like it’s 2021 (someone check on Bitcoin).
• Gold: Chilling, probably meditating.
• Recession: Still loitering outside, scrolling X for drama.
Powell’s presser in one line: “We’re doing what needs to be done.”
Translation: “We’re throwing darts at a chart and praying.”
FOMC meetings are basically a reality show now—part Market Madness, part Fed Jargon Bingo, part “Why is my rent so high?” Bring popcorn and maybe a finance bro to explain yield curves for the next one.$BTC