#FOMCMeeting FOMCMeeting BREAKING:
The Fed just wrapped up their meeting, and the only thing climbing faster than interest rates was Jerome Powell’s blood pressure when someone dared say “soft landing.”
Wall Street bros: “Rate pause? To the moon we go!” Powell: arches eyebrow “Did I mumble?”
Meanwhile, every millennial homeowner:
“So… refi time?”
FOMC: “Yeah, that’s a hard no.”
Market reactions in a nutshell:
Stocks: rallying like it’s payday
Bonds: having an existential crisis
Crypto: throwing a 2021-style rave
Gold: quietly judging
Recession: still in the waiting room, flipping through old magazines
Powell’s official line: “We’ll act as needed.”
Translation: “We’re eyeballing charts and hoping for the best.”
Honestly, the only reliable part of an FOMC meeting? The chaos, the overanalysis, and another batch of people Googling “hawkish.”