#FOMCMeeting

🚨🚨🚨🚨BREAKING: The FOMC just held their meeting and the only thing that rose faster than interest rates was Jerome Powell’s blood pressure when someone mentioned “soft landing.”

Wall Street bros: “Rates paused, we moon!”

Powell: raises eyebrow “Did I stutter?”

Meanwhile, every millennial with a mortgage:

“Can I refinance now?”

FOMC: “That’s gonna be a no from us, dawg.”

Markets are reacting like:

Stocks: up

Bonds: confused

Crypto: partying like it’s 2021

Gold: sipping tea

Recession: waiting in the lobby like it’s a dentist appointment

Powell’s official statement: “We’ll do what we gotta do.”

Translation: “We’re winging it with charts.”

Honestly, the only consistent thing about FOMC meetings is the panic, confusion, and a new generation learning what “hawkish” means.

Catch you at the next meeting—bring popcorn and an emotional support economist.