This is just a joke, don't take it too seriously. Consider it as a joke and let's just go through it.
UPDATE: The FOMC just held their meeting and the only thing that rose faster than interest rates was Jerome Powell's blood pressure when someone mentioned "soft landing."
Wall Street brokers: "Interest rates are paused, we are soaring!"
Powell: raising an eyebrow "Am I stuttering?"
Meanwhile, every millennial with a mortgage:
"Can I refinance now?"
FOMC: "That would be a no from us, bro."
The market reacted like:
Stocks: up
Bonds: confused
Crypto: partying like it’s 2021
Gold: sipping tea
Recession: waiting in the lobby like an appointment with the dentist
Powell's official statement: "We will do what we need to do."
Translation: "We do it with charts."
Honestly, the only consistent thing about FOMC meetings is the panic, confusion, and a new generation learning what "hawkish" means.
See you at the next meeting—bring popcorn and an emotional support economist.