#FOMCMeeting REVIEW: The FOMC just held its meeting, and the only thing that rose faster than interest rates was Jerome Powell's blood pressure when someone mentioned "soft landing."

Wall Street bros: "Rates are on hold, we're on a month!"

Powell: raises an eyebrow "Did I stutter?"

Meanwhile, every millennial with a mortgage:

"Can I refinance now?"

FOMC: "That will be a no from us, buddy."

Markets react like this:

Stocks: up

Bonds: confused

Crypto: partying like it's 2021

Gold: sipping tea

Recession: waiting in the lobby like for a dentist appointment

Powell's official statement: "We'll do what we have to do."

Translation: "We'll improvise with the graphs."

Honestly, the only constant at FOMC meetings is panic, confusion, and a new generation learning what "hawkish" means.

See you at the next meeting — bring popcorn and an economist for emotional support.